Why Queue?

2006-08-17T00:32:00.000+08:00

Time to say goodbye...

Well this is the 300th entry of this blog, if you've read this much, i sincerely thank you.. but most likely you wun.. haha

anyway, i've decided to create a new blog, its on www.whyqueue2.blogspot.com.
please modify your urls accordingly... thanks.

yup it's a new academic year and sorts, lets have a new blog! =)

cheers to the poor pharmacist! haha

2006-08-13T14:50:00.000+08:00

The next lap

School starts tommorow... hafta print my notes later on pharmacy law.

The next 4.5 months will probably revolve around:

Lessons:
pr2101 - dosage form design
pr2102 - pharm law
pr2103 - pharmacostatistics
gek2022 - geisha, samurai and yongqiang as self or other
bsp1005 - managerial economics

wonder why i'm taking GSY (geisha, samurai, yongqiang) as my gem. i'm bound to s/u it.
cors sucks.
maybe leonard was right, med and dent students pay $17k to actually get out of the freaking cors system. i pay about $5k a year only.

i feel like taking ec1301, principles of economics after cons gave the negative feedback on bsp1005. it sounds so suspicious - 1 point module, no one wants to take. must be hard.

Target: CAP of 4. sigh. sounds achievable, yet again, not so.

CCAs:
pharm soc - pharmacy camp for jc kids. lets play with the "nj buggers".. hehe. maybe something for emed. or another ad-hoc project.

nvac - signed up for singapore epileptic foundation and some other volunteer (something like sai sithya) to be a musician at the charity fiesta. they haven't got back to me yet. wonder will i have the courage and time to accept them once they do. volunteerism, for all its benevolent thoughts, sometimes feels like a walk into a dark void when you have no friends accompanying you.
no other nvac projects this sem that require long-time commitment.

rotaract club - bhbh3 is definitely out of the way. i'm so sorry...

eml - really feel like quitting eml now cos there's not a friend there and i dun really click with the people there. no time to compose any music now either since there's no demand. yet still, i'm exco, forced into a position that i didn't bid for, just because there's only 2 members in my batch.
sick of it.

ccas that i'm floating around / other new ccas - forget it. i'll remain floating around. if you haven't aroused my interest so far, you probably never will.

courses:
no first-aid course, no windsurfing course, no wakeboarding course, no chacha course, no aerobics course.

work:
still looking for tuition assignments / part-time jobs. may consider joining ucc as a usher like shannon and victor. i'm really spending too much.
yet, where is the balance between work, and real work?

relationships:
....

sigh.. all this, just to maintain my CAP. getting into mugger-bugger mode from now onwards.

2006-08-13T14:23:00.000+08:00

Rag Day...

Rag day, as usual, began one night before the actual event. Everyone arrived on Fri, went through the last day of FOW (till 1130), then immediately went for lunch then it was the last session of practice.

We practiced until 6-7pm before breaking off. Some headed back to their hostel rooms to shower, some went back to gather stuff, others simply showered in block S4 (betcha didn't know there was a shower facility there).

I'd really have to thank jielin (my boss) for allowing me to go back and get some sleep from 9pm onwards. Heard the remaining fellas who spent the night in LT20 didn't get much sleep - some slept at midnight, only to be roused awake at 3am-4am for makeup, for the pre-judging which was at 6am.

The backdrop people did not get any rest at all, shifting the backdrop (some background with stars and painted characters) under cover of night. Reminds me of last year when i was doing it for sheares rag, when i and 7 other guys jagaed the @#$% heavy bell down, up, and down the slopes of NUS like a funeral cortege only to be refused entry at the entrance to SRC cos we were too early.

President Nathan must feel proud to see all this - about one thousand people sacrificing so much to put up this show, and this is only the rag segment.

Heh~ i woke up at 0515, then asked dad to fetch me to LT20 where they were gathered. Not too bad. Got makeup and breakfast. Waited for the pre-judging fellas to come back at 0730, then we went to the stadium at SRC at about 0830, full dress. The guys were wearing tin-soldier costumes with FF7 buster-swords (think: cloud strife) whereas the cheerleading gals had tank-tops and skirts (one long one removable, one shorter one for cheerleading) with chinese dance fans and a whole palette of makeup; the chacha girls were dressed in tubes with "skirts that flew in the wind" and wore heels. fabulous.

More warm-up then we joined the backdrop team on the track at about 1000. We then waited for our turn. About 1045, just before Law and then, our performance, the President made his way in. not too bad, seeing him in the flesh. feels like ndp last week. ha.

our performance came in at 1053 hours. well i could safely say, the performance was one of my best, i mean i had much worser performances before; but for this, everything fell like clockwork. may not be impressive, but it was smooth. the intro, the fairy segment, the flirty dance, the cheerleading with stunts (stunts were successful), the chacha segment, the finale - all good.

it was a good five minutes on stage, and pharmacy finally broke its 25-year silence for rag.

good job guys!

2006-08-13T14:12:00.000+08:00

Le Femme Overpossesive

here are two pages from one of my good friend's websites, www.tucksombong.blogspot.com.

talks about the overly-possesive feminine nature in a relationship.

http://tucksombong.blogspot.com/2006/08/disillusionment-lol-ive-been-listening.html

http://tucksombong.blogspot.com/2006/08/reporting-strength-sound-of-phone.html

lol enjoy. wonder for all the girls in the world, how many are like that? haha.

2006-08-11T22:16:00.000+08:00

The day before rag

1 month of practice.
Countless visits to SMU for practices. At night. Stretching for long hours, every day.
Countless re-runs of dance moves in the head.
Countless steps taken, from learning, to perfecting the dance by oneself, then with all dancers, then with all the rag people.

Everything will be revealed in that 5-7 mins time.

Introduction March.
Fairy Moves.
Carmen Girls.
Cheerleading and stunts.
Chacha.
Finale.

We will make it. I will make it.

2006-08-10T23:56:00.000+08:00

Crash and burn

Sometimes i just wanna ignore the four walls around me and shout out loud, where my voice echoes out in that lonely world.

Crash And Burn

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

I know you feel
like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief
and people can be so cold

When darkness is upon your door, and
you feel like you can't take anymore...

Let me be the one you call
If you jump, I'll break your fall
Lift you up, and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash,
then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head

When hopes and dreams are far away, and
You feel like you can't face the day...

Repeat Chorus

'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again

Repeat Verse 1

Repeat Chorus

2006-08-09T20:25:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Singapore!

well. i'm not very patriotic when i'm normal. haha but when was i normal

anyway today was a good rest, initially wanted to go wang's house and play comp games but too lazy. woke up, first thing to do was the CORS system.

yeah i know watching the cors like a hawk isn't gonna be very useful, after all it's during close bidding when everyone's blind to the "next successful minimum bid" then the action gets heated up. yeah. but i still feel an urge to see.

i have two modules to bid this semester, both using my general account which has 400 pts.

one of them maybe a gem - gem2900, understanding uncertainity and statistical thinking. it's scary - today morning it was 26 (minimum bid), afternoon it shot up to 34-35, then now it's 41. it had started at 2.

the thing is, the people who wanted this module aren't increasing very much either - it's 360 people taking out of a quota of 300. this leaves me to reckon, that those "Latecomers" or so to speak, just dump as many points as they want. or existing people just up their bid like i do.

it's scary - tomorrow, when bidding closes, it might shoot up to 100 points if i'm lucky, and 300 if i'm not. which will present another problem in itself - where to find another gem module. or maybe not to take at all. i'm considering constance's suggestion of samurai, geisha and yakuza as self or another, a totally sucky module.

the other dilemma i have is between bsp1005 (managerial economics) and it1001 (introduction to computing). the former is business-related, and it's applicable (hopefully). mainly it levies on the knowledge i gained from mkt1003, and choon han, jason and jevin are taking it. and it's one point.

the latter is currently 21 points, relatively easier, well sorta applicable... and i've got jw, cuiqin, and ??? taking it. yeah.

sigh.

***

watched The Rock in the afternoon - a patriotic movie. (well it's shown on local tv network channel 5.) basically about a mutiny of US soldiers threatening to launch biological weapons at civilians, holding hostages unless the US administration gives $100 mil to them. stars nicholas cage and sean connery.

well any guy will love a movie with guns blazing, this is one of them. prob reminds them of army days. the acting was perfect. one of their lines - as epitomised by my good friend yanzhang when the movie was just launched:

(when the president decided to send in the air strike and blow the island where the soldiers were hiding to bits)

President:
These past few hours have been the longest, darkest of my life.
This is when you wish the buck did not stop here.
A balance between two tragedies.
On one hand the fate of a million civilians.
On the other, 81 hostages.
That American boys have paid the price of that neglect in blood, is equally real, and equally tragic.
We are at war with terror.
Fighting a war means casualties.
This is the= worst call I've ever had to make.
Air strike approved.

So that's where he got that from.. haha

2006-08-07T03:29:00.000+08:00

The last week of the only holidays I will ever have in my entire working career

C'mon...

A quick look back:

May 3 - May 15: primary stage of planning for FOC. quite fun.
May 15 - Jun 1: YIP trip to philippines. fun. enriching.
Jun 2 - Jun 27: secondary stage of planning for FOC, dry runs. felt a bit lost at sometimes.
Jun 26 - Jun 29: nvac camp. their activities were interesting but i have yet to click with the people there. nvac people somehow are... different from the usual pharm people i know.
Jun 30 - Jul 2: final preparations for FOC
Jul 3 - Jul 6: FOC. gained many experience points but didn't had much fun, neither much interaction with the juniors.
Jul 10 - Jul 13: odac camp, helping yt under logistics. got a tan which refuses to subside to even today. odac people somehow are... different too. cooked milo using butane gas and mess tins. pitched tents. campfire. ubin. fun.
Jul 18 - Jul 19: cfa retreat, mingled with the excos of the various cfa groups as well as the cfa personnel. almost wanted to sell my soul. no thanks.
Jul 20 - Aug 13: involved in pharm rag dance. only first-hand interaction with the juniors and some seniors. originally only involved in chacha segment but later stretched to everything... sigh. practices almost daily.
Jul 29: charity fiesta: led a team (4 x sec 2 gals) around singapore. first OGL experience.
wanted to find a job in tuition too. but forget it, i'd rather concentrate on my studies...

***

it has been an excellent three months.

i didn't go anywhere for fun - genting, thailand, etc (well philippines, if u consider that). and somehow, i didn't get as much fun as i wanted, or compared to the last holidays.

and now it's back to hitting the books again. sigh.

2006-08-03T23:27:00.000+08:00

Some things about CORS the year ones should know

What modules to choose:

a) no choice (i.e. core module) / you need it to fulfill something, e.g. a minor

b) because you like the module / you find the module interesting

c) because the module is cheap

d) because the module is popular / someone is taking with you / or a boyfriend is taking the module too

e) because the module is easy

How to bid:

Method 1: Wait until 30min-1hr before close bidding then look at the modules that you've chosen during round 2a (for pharm). Monitor every module.

When you get outbidded (when minimum bid > your bid) then you got three choices:

a) to raise the bid by 1 point or more than the lowest bid (but most likely you'll have to raise it again) - wise choice if u got enough points, and want that module desperately

b) dump all your remaining points into that module - wise choice if you got thousands of points, and want that module

c) withdraw and find other cheaper modules (another headache)

but remember for (a) and (b), for every point that you bid, be prepared to lose them.

How to find cheap modules

Modules are likely to be cheap (1 - 100 points) or affordable (100-400 points) if they are:

a) many vacancies - usually >100 should be quite good;

b) very unpopular - with tons of tests, projects, assignments, unfavourable lesson schedule (e.g. 6pm-9pm or saturdays), long hours, unfavourable (boring) study material, exam format is punishing (e.g. essays and more essays)

c) modules which require a certain prerequisite; usually meant for the students who are taking that major, e.g. sw1101e. or having a certain preclusion.

d) core modules or "compulsory modules like SS.

2006-08-01T01:08:00.000+08:00

Tasmin Archer - Sleeping Satellite

This song was written for the space flights to the moon. Apparently the author wasn't very pleased with the space flights, and from the way he puts it, it seems like everyone is trying to rush to the moon (the sleeping satellite), and in doing so, waste alot of resources.

Chorus:
I blame you for the moonlit sky, and the dream that died, with the eagle's flight
I blame you for the moonlit nights, when I wonder why, are the seas still dry
Don't blame this sleeping satellite

Did we fly to the moon too soon?
Did we squander the chance?
In the rush of the race, the reason we chase is lost in romance
And still we try...
To justify the waste, for a taste of man's greatest adventure

Repeat Chorus

Have we lost what it takes to advance?
Have we peaked too soon?
If the world is so great, then why does it scream under a blue moon?
We wonder why...
If the earth's sacrificed, for the price of its greatest treasure

Repeat Chorus

And when we shoot for the stars, what a giant step
Have we got what it takes, to carry the weight, of this concept?
Or pass it by?
Like a shot in the dark, miss the mark with a sense of adventure

(Organ Bridge)
Don't blame this sleeping satellite

Repeat Chorus
Don't blame this sleeping satellite

2006-08-01T00:37:00.000+08:00

Why Do It??

Went to setup matric fair booth for EML on sunday.
Went to recce NUS today (monday) in the afternoon for a game to be played in FOW
Went to chacha practice at night at SMU.

Why do it? Why bother?

EML - i dun have any friends there. why be the exco? why carry on.
the game - just a minor detail, why do i need to go to such lengths to get the game going?
chacha - just declared epileptic, drawing up contingency plans. furthermore i suck at it. no guys from my cohort doing rag dance.

Whats the purpose of doing these?

Is it to prove that an epileptic can do all the things, even more things, than a normal person?
Is it to find someone to get hitched to such that i can finally move on with life?
Is it to have fun?

What happened to all those marvellous ideals that surfaced in all their brillance, only to vanish when they are most needed?

really.

what do i want? like a friend of mine said when she looked through my proposal for the FOW game. state your objectives clearly before u plunge into anything!

can't.

tired.

i wish i could just dig a hole and vanish, together with those marvellous ideals of mine. retreat to my little corner in the library where no one can find me, and assimilate into the legions of muggers who treat NUS as a giant classroom.

the very legions that i've worked and spoken against.

: come here, have lessons, go back : repeat until graduation. no ad lib.

matric fair tmr, helping out EML. another day wasted for rag dance practice. interview with tuition agency halfway. the juniors will be matriculating.

kbox on wed. not as enthusiastic as i was one or two weeks back though. sometimes i also question the idea of spending cash for 4 hours when u have banzou.com.

even on msn, there isn't much people to speak with. tired.

i need to say no.

2006-07-30T17:32:00.000+08:00

Rag Dance Song

I tot chacha was boring and for a generation that was not mine. But all this changed, chacha can still be hip.

This song is good, but hypnotic. Too many repeats.

Thalia - Pata pata

C'mon!

Sacude bien la cadera así pata pata
mueve todo lo que puedas, oh~!
sacude bien la cadera así para pata
mueve todolo que puedas, oh~!
y meneaba y meneaba así pata pata
y meneaba la cadera
y meneaba y meneaba y meneaba así pata pata
y meneaba la cadera

Echa palante echa patrás, vamos a bailar con Thalía,
si, pata patael dulce ritmo, que tiene sabor eléctrico
llegó la hora donde tú y yo, disfrutamos algo nuevo
dime si tu cuerpo siente, la corriente, esta caliento
mueve mueve, la cadera, si , para alante y para atrás
pata pata quieres gozar, pata pata vamos a bailar

Sacude bien la cadera así pata pata
mueve todo lo que puedas, oh~!
sacude bien la cadera así para pata
mueve todolo que puedas, oh~!
Sacude bien la cadera así pata pata
mueve todo lo que puedas, oh~!
sacude bien la cadera así para pata
mueve todolo que puedas, oh~!
y meneaba y meneaba así pata pata
y meneaba la cadera
y meneaba y meneaba y meneaba así pata
y meneaba la cadera

2006-07-30T16:56:00.000+08:00

Copa Fiesta: Are You Game?

went to help out as a "facilitator" for this festival organised by nvac called "copa fiesta". quite convenient cos it's held near jurong east mrt where there is a huge open ground, very near my house.

the job scope said "facilitator". but when i went for the briefing for this event on friday i gradually found out that it was actually an Amazing Race, and that facilitators = OGLs. in fact, we had to run with them all over the island.

the in-charge looked at me as i sat there, dazed and boring and said something about "hey facilitators need to be hyped and energetic as they must run all over the island. are u sure u wanna be a facilitator?"

growl. it's near 6pm and i'm just starting to get my daily sluggishness. who knows anyway?

ok so the next day armed with street directory and bus guide i went to report at 0930. got assigned to 4 secondary school (sec 2) gals from choa chu kang (cck) sec. names: Li Yi, Priscilla, Shuqin and Chin Yee.

ok firstly i tried to engage them in conversation, "test water". after all it was my first OGL experience and i didn't know what to do.. but luckily they were quite chatty cos they were good friends. saved me alot of work.

we went to 3 charitable organisations and 3 "pit stops" - AWWA Special school somewhere in AMK-Hougang (Lor Napiri), AMK Central, Singapore School for the Deaf (Mountbatten Road), Bugis, CARE Singapore (Pasir Ris), Changi Airport T2 then back to Jurong East, in that order. took us about 7 hours, way overshot the estimated time (4-5 hrs). haha

but anyway, we got fourth in place, not a bad result since the team that came in third wasn't far away. and the gals i had were really speed demons - running all the way once we came out of public transport. We ran and ran until, yes i had to admit, i had completely lost control of them. There was one time that two of them just dashed across Mountbatten Road, three lanes wide in the forward direction, to the central divider, then three lanes across to the other side of the road.

horrible. i was so damn freaked out, and a policeman stationed nearby (there was ndp preview at national stadium) looked at me with those eyes as if to say, "hey u in-charge of these kids?"

then there was that time where we hor-laned near kallang. we were supposed to take the bus 11 at kallang bus depot but was used for ndp chartered buses, so we decided to walk to SADeaf instead, since we can't find the next bus-stop that has 11, the place was kallang which had a darn sleazy outlook, and i dun want them to be running around the place too much.

so we walked, and across this field near a construction site near the junction of Geylang Lor 4 was this grass patch. we came out of the patch and found out that all our footwear had oval-shaped seeds stuck to it, which had needles protruding out of it like a porcupine. i got pierced by one of those and i think shuqin got it too, it was painful, there seem to have been some venom inside those needles. well, lesson learnt.

yup nice experience. as i said to the gals, winning is not important - they were seemingly hell-bent on winning, even by unscruplous means (like cutting queues), the journey is more important than whether you win or not. but they rebutted me cheekily. guess they have much to learn.

and may i present the gals:

chinyee ("chilli")- the chatterbox of the team, voice is one notch above the rest, hellbent on winning
shuqin ("sq006")- sportswoman and often leader when on "run" mode (guess who's the last man)
li qi - "pri 4" gal due to her petite frame, sometimes lagging when on "run" mode. always snacking, all of them. likes to read books, even on amazing race.
priscilla - not your runner, always lagging on "run" mode. likes to seat on mrt seats with one of the other gals sitting on top of her knees.

ha. sometimes i feel like the guy in powerpuff gals - the "Professor" whos surrounded by 4 zesty gals who zip everywhere. maybe not save the world. ha.

was fun leading them around, hope to have more fun in FOW.

2006-07-27T12:18:00.000+08:00

List of Arts GEM modules that can be taken

(in bold: those can be safely taken with enough leeway for studying)

GEK1000 - An Introduction to Literary Studies - lessons clash
GEK1001 - Place, Environment and Society - exam on 29 nov AM
GEK1002 - Intro to Jap Studies - exam on 30 nov AM
GEK1003 - Intro to Political Science - (available for Group B only) - exam on 01 Dec PM
GEK1006 - Dynamics of Personal Effectiveness - lessons clash
GEK1008 - Southeast Asia - A Changing Region - lessons clash
GEK1010 - Property Management
GEK1013 - Rethinking Tech, Orgs and People - lessons clash
GEK1014 - Understanding Emotions in Interactive Processes - lessons clash
GEK1016 - History and Theory of Modern Architecture - late wed classes, exam on 29 Nov AM
GEK1025 - Reading Visual Images - lessons clash
GEK1036 - Cross cultural communications and discourse - lessons clash
GEK1045 - Intro to World Religions - lessons clash
GEK1046 - Intro to Cultural Studies - lessons clash
GEK1047 - Organisational Power and Culture - lessons clash
GEK1050 - Space and Health - tutorial clash (no exam)
GEK1052 - Community Service and Social Action
GEK2000 - The US: from settlement to superpower
GEK2001 - Changing Landscapes of Singapore - lessons clash
GEK2002 - Art and Philosophy - lessons clash
GEK2003 - Govt and Politics of Singapore - lessons clash
GEK2005 - Introduction to Urban Planning - exam on 27 Nov PM
GEK2022 - Samurai, Geisha, Yazuka as Self or Other - exam on 25 Nov PM
GEK3001 - International Political Economy (exam 04 Dec PM)
GEM1004 - Reason and Persuasion (exam 04 Dec PM)
GEM1008 - Evaluating Academic Arguments (no exam)
GEM2005 - Film and History - lessons clash
GEM2008 - Logic - lessons clash
GEM2900 - Understanding Uncertainty and Statistical Thinking

2006-07-26T00:01:00.000+08:00

IMH visit

yup, went to the IMH on saturday, on a "bhbh2 post-trip activity". can't believe, it's been six months since the bhbh2 crew first met. about 12+ people went, not a bad turnout.

the thing about IMH.. it's still called Woodbridge Hospital, but the whole compound is called "Woodbridge Hospital and Institute of Mental Health". Opened by Dr Tony Tan (?) in 1993 (?). It's been around for quite some time.

I've never been there before, for a consultation or otherwise. The stigma associated with that place ensures that.

first view there: its too quiet. the only people lurking around the huge compound were volunteers.

we went to the cafeteria. along the way: long, seemingly abandoned hallways without much people. it felt like a hospital, with all the lifts that could accomodate beds, signs to block 2, 3, radiology dept, pharmacy, etc... but without the crowd. without the masses of medical personnel that came here and there.

it felt so... dead. something like a ghost town.

we were ushered to the "staff room" where all the volunteers for the event (us and a contingent from nvac who were regular volunteers) were gathered. we were briefed on the event that we have to facilitate - to organise a "carnival" for the patients in ward 44a. this includes either being game ICs in charge of particular stations, or "caretakers" of the patients, which gave more interaction in the personal level.

took the lift at block 4. 4th floor. doors to ward 44a opened to a counter, a visiting area. there were 2 wards on this floor: 44a and 44b, on the left and right respectively.

frankly, at that time, i was afraid. this looked very wrong, the patients looked like they were in prison. grinning faces looked at me from windows, behind closed doors. we've heard all the worst stories about violent, irrational, crazy(?) patients.

surprisingly, when the door to ward 44a was finally opened, the patients formed a row and shook hands, one by one, with everyone who went in. some were nice old people.

i was still nervous in the next fifteen minutes that passed, trying to ignore all the stares that i got while setting up my game. but after that, everything seems ok.

you really feel for these patients after a while. being kept in this ward - probably for the rest of your life - following the endless, daily routine dictated by someone else and living in a haze of sedatives - not the best life that we'd like to have. it's true what they said in army to those fellas trying to chao keng - put someone sane in this ward, and he turns out insane.

they're just so helpless, living in this probably 50-100 square foot area, facing the same people, with their minders watching them. like jailors. condemned and abandoned by society, never to come out again.

i've also heard that some of the patients here are old folk who have no kin. abandoned. sad.

i think, the study of psychiatry is still not as developed as physical medicine. nor is the method of treatment. until then, these patients will live in a twilight existence.

2006-07-24T12:48:00.000+08:00

Modules i wanna take in sem 3!!

Allocated:
PR2101 - Dosage Form Design I (29 Nov PM)
PR2102 - Pharmacy Law (27 Nov PM)
PR2103 - Pharmacostatistics (30 Nov Evening)

Stuff i wanna take:
GEK 1052 - Community Service and Social Action (no exam)
GEK 2000 - The US: From Settlement to Superpower (05 Dec PM)
GEM2900 - Understanding Uncertainity and Stats Thinking (04 Dec PM)
GEK1010 - Property Management (04 Dec PM)
DSC2006 - Operations Management (05 Dec AM)
FNA1002 - Financial Accounting (02 Dec AM)
MKT3402B - Consumer Behaviour (no exam)
SC2101 - Methods of Social research (08 Dec PM)

Stuff i wanna take but can't!!
GEK1006 - Dynamics of Personal Effectiveness (lessons clash)
LAB 1201 - Bahasa Indon I (exam clash)
HY 2209 - Nation-Building in Singapore (exam clash)
GEK1047 - Organisational power and culture (lessons clash)
GEM 2005 - Film and History (no exam, lessons clash)
MKT2411 - Retail Enterpreneurship (no exam, lessons clash)
MKT2401 - Asian Markets and Marketing Management (no exam, lessons clash)
MKT2412 - Global Marketing (no exam, lessons clash)
MKT2413 - Marketing Research (no exam, lessons clash)
GEK 1045 - Intro to world religions (lessons clash)
GEK1008 - Southeast Asia: A Changing Region (lessons clash)
GEK1014 - Understanding Emotions in Interactive Processes (lessons clash)
GEK1050 - Space and Health (no exam, tutorial clash! omg)
GEK2001 - Changing Landscapes of Singapore (lessons clash)

Stuff i wanna take but advised not to:
EC1301 - Principles of Economics (28 Nov PM)
SW1101E - Intro to Social Work (28 Nov Evening)
SC1101E - Making Sense of Society (27 Nov AM)
TR2201 - Entrepreneurial Marketing (30 Nov AM)
DSC2003 - Management Science (29 Nov AM)
GEK1013 - Rethinking Technology, Orgns, and People (29 Nov AM)
MNO1001 - Management and Organisation (30 Nov PM)
GEK2005 - Introduction to Urban Planning (27 Nov PM)

any more suggestions??

i'm beginning to think, is this the way great people in certain aspects stumble upon things? by doing stuff they don't like, then when they find that they've achieved something in that aspect, they smile and say "thank god i was given a chance by this @#$$# system to look at this module which generated my interest in this subject..."

think if all comes to naught, i might choose something from the South Asian Studies Programme. Might.

2006-07-24T12:27:00.000+08:00

CFA Retreat

Got pulled to attend this retreat on behalf of EML (Electronic Music Lab), a cca under nus, as "Logistics and Tech Manager".

This retreat was held on Tuesday, 18 Jul to Wednesday, 19 Jul at the Elizabeth Hotel, a quaint little place for (mostly) ang mohs with that classy feeling. Invited are the new excos of the various CFA performing groups.

Well, i ain't no exco... especially for a cca which i have been mostly MIA all the while.. but my year there were only two of us, me and another guy, so no choice. =(

Anyway, i was "ohmygod, moretimewasted!" at the start, but then after check-in and attending all their seminar-style briefings in the seminar room at lvl 2 complete with wholesome (and numerous) teas, nice lunches and free-flow beverages, and a nice waiter service, ok maybe this wasn't so bad after all.

It felt like an orientation camp, just that it was held in a hotel. and the rules have just changed: new exco members (mostly coming yr2s, same as me) were the "campers", and the CFA people
(yes!) were the "OGLs". After being thru nvac camp, pharm camp, odac camp, this was the fourth "camp" that i had been to.

Yes, initially, the xenophobia hit again, i didn't want to mingle too much. but as we had to work together in various activities, we naturally had to mingle. made a few nice friends (or future "connections") from various ccas in CFA, as we talked of collaborating with each other.

i also met PuayKee (PK) from jazz band (previously my junior from NJCSB) and Kiang Choon (KC) from piano ensemble (previously a friend from NJC). what a small world. guess everyone likes to be called their initials now.. i'm YQ by the way, and my indian friend is MR. lol

Anyway, activities included:
icebreakers,
intro talks to CFA (brainwashing I),
marketing talks by the marcom (marketing communications) dept (brainwashing II),
leadership talks and activities (which were rather good),
interactions and whatnot.

basically, it was a good experience, i can't deny that. esp the hotel rooms, i've never stayed in a singaporean hotel room for as long as i can remember (maybe 10 years or more). brings back fond memories of when my dad used to bring the entire family to stay in hotels around the island. also the leadership talks were quite useful as well as the tapes about leadership that they showed. quite an insight, was thinking if i had watched these stuff before FOC then maybe it couldn't have screwed up so badly.

bad points are: the constant talk about getting money for CFA groups, well by CFA. the constant emphasis on marketing. essentially a good part was like mkt1003 (Principles of Marketing) revisited. why does cfa need so much money?? hmmmmmm. and if they need money, why do they bother to spend so much on about 30-40 people in such a lavish setting?? such extravagance.

hmm. it smells of a sinister plot. ha.

2006-07-17T01:36:00.000+08:00

As much as i wanna be attached... (2)

i think:

many platonic relationships = one real relationship?

many female friends = one girlfriend?

guess this will have to do for now.

2006-07-17T01:29:00.000+08:00

As much as i wanna be attached...

i think:

do i have the means to sustain the relationship?
can i make her happy in our interactions?
can i make myself happy in this relationship?
do i have enough resources, et. money and time, to fuel the relationship?
can i juggle work (study), this relationship, family and friends, and my leisure activities together?

where is this going to go?
one-night stand?
happily after after?
breakup after n years in the light that we're not compatitible at all?

where can this go?

sigh. i've seen a friend's breakup recently. not a very good experience to be in, it sucks. all the resources spent - wasted - could be put to much better use - in the relationship, in the end to get a soap-opera ending which both parties will learn to hate and forget, and everyone else pities.

maybe wang is right, it would be better off playing computer games and immersing yourself in endorphins of the virtual world.

but i differ.

2006-07-17T01:02:00.000+08:00

The Essence of a Saturday

Went for my first rag dance practice (after hearing that there's cheerleading practice at 11am) at 2pm. In maroon camp t-shirt and jeans. And No. 3 shoes.

One of the freshies who were there with us exclaimed: "hey, why you wear army shoes?!" well, at least they look good. even though i hadn't had time to kiwi them yet.

the ancient art of chacha was quite an insight, after numerous showings of "huang jin nian hua" showing the "le ling" (elderly) in their grandeur dancing gracefully, i have finally picked up the skill. well, at least 6 out of 19 bars of it. it was amazing that i did it in one session. not perfect, but i can remember all the moves. chingay - no such chance.

nevertheless, it is not easy - movement is on the floor, that's where my eyes are on most of the time. very different from chingay dance. hand actions hail from ballet. it is a very graceful dance, relaxing. and it's a partner dance (but my partner is the dance ic so i suck thumb...). we need to twist your legs (particularly the feet) in various weird shapes.

haven't practised yet since i came home. nvm.

went to meet ms and nx for an outing after that. yes, my idea to "chap" (interrupt) in. went west mall.

ms and nx were late cos they were lost somewhere in amk and yck, after the bhbh2 post-trip activity at yck MINDS. it's a place for the disabled children. i would have loved to take a look, but the dance came up first.

reached West mall at 6pm. i'm so hungry, we ate at the food court. hell expensive. i had $5.00 teriyaki chicken and $1.50 chendol. saw this actor from tcs8.

walked around a bit after dinner, prowled the fourth floor to the first floor (ground floor) mainly looking at girls' stuff. ms wants something for her teaching attire, which... i am not in a position to comment.

we went to this stall outside westmall and ordered tea (mine was $0.80, but i helped pay for their stuff! omg! miser's cash is precious...) at this "authetic" coffeeshop. then i ordered this half-boiled egg and toast cos i haven't eaten one before. wanted to go watch movie but... decided against it.

tot i had time for 2b gathering, so while ms was sending nx home, i asked her to (graciously) give me a lift and drop me at jurong west ave 5. was abit shagged by then. but then...

went into 272 (278? 282?) westwood road and was greeted by walter, wang, bryan, benny, jiancheng, runxin, shuqing, huiyu, kaikiang, weiting, xiaoqi, clara, hanyi, and jiaxing, who was the host. damn, i can still remember their names. lol. it seems like the memorizing of the name list during sec 2 helped. haha.

of course, there were great memories spent with this bunch of people, some good, some bad, and now that we're all in our twenties.. it's a refreshing experience. most of them are attached, except me and wang (my "gay buddy"), bryan, jiancheng, and... that's it. didn't wanna dwelve too much into their marital status.

only two activities to be held: eat, and play. interact along the way. there wasn't much left to eat, so we played: mahjong (with real money) in the room, and big 2 in the hall. played till 2am, then we decided to leave.

was a nice gathering, partly bcos of the whisky with coke that i drunk. otherwise i'd never have opened up. but anyway. good to see these people still around. there's another outing two weeks later.

2006-07-14T20:35:00.000+08:00

A Colonel lives near me

Saw this fella about 40-50 yrs old in No. 4 on the road. Hmm. must be an officer. Maybe a warrant-

wtf! looked up on his shoudler and saw not one, not two, but THREE freaking crabs staring back at me with clacking claws. on each side.

no, its not the security guard one. cos got "singapura" also.

wow.

he was buying food (perhaps) for i saw some plastic bags in his hand. and talking on the cell phone.

there was this guy standing near me (also in civilian dress) who was staring at the COL.

looked at his breast pocket and saw the name "M C K TAN". weird.

anyway, i saw him going into the the private housing across the road from where i live. those got walls surrounding it one, and got security guard and vehicle barrier around the entrances one.

hmm. wondering why he didn't ask his chaffeur to drive him around. wonder where was his MID vehicle.

googled his name, can't find it either. maybe he's newly promoted.

for the record, the highest i saw was a LTC (lieutanent-colonel) walking around, in NUH. probably to see a patient. not a COL. thought they have other things to do, or will have the sense to dress up differently when on civilian grounds.

well, I AM FREAKING GLAD THAT I WASN'T IN NO. 4. OR IN ARMY. like one private at the same coffeeshop which i had my duck rice, about 5 minutes ago and 5 m away from the place i saw the COL.

i would be so freaking rooted to the spot, dammit.

p.s. wouldn't it be even worse when the COL follows you home, enters the same lift and opens the door next to you? wow, so the guy who moved in yesterday is a COL! damn!

2006-07-14T20:15:00.000+08:00

Depression

Alarmingly, more of us may be depressed than what we had thought. After reading this article, i have found that at least 90% of the people i've known have shown these symptoms.

Taken from http://www.uoregon.edu/~counsel/depression.htm

Everyone has or will experience feeling depressed in their lifetime. It is expected that at one time or another, you may feel sad or overwhelmed due to the loss of a friendship, relationship, loved one, or, seemingly for no apparent reason at all. At times, however, these feelings of sadness can become overwhelming, intense and prolonged to such an extent that daily functioning can become difficult or even impossible. When this happens, a person is described as "depressed".

Depression is a disturbance of mood characterized by varying degrees of sadness, disappointment, feelings of helplessness and an inability to experience pleasure. Depression can be quite pervasive; affecting many or all aspects of your life. In some cases, feelings can become so overwhelming that thoughts of hurting yourself or ending your life may appear to be the only option. The ability to recognize depressive symptoms and/or patterns may be helpful in warding off such severe depression and possibly keep negative events from occurring such as: loss of jobs, academic trouble, or, in more serious circumstances, attempts at hurting oneself.

Symptoms of Depression
Although each person may experience a depressive state differently, here is a list of common symptoms that many people feel when they are depressed:

Changes in feelings
crying spells of lack of emotional response (i.e. "I just feel numb")
helplessness and/or hopelessness
inability to gain pleasure, even from activities that use to feel good
loss of warm feelings toward family and friends
feeling like being alone or wanting to isolate
exaggerated sense of self blame and/or feelings of guilt
feeling worthless
loss of sexual desire

Changes in behaviors
academic and/or occupational difficulties
loss of interest in activities
isolation from important/significant people in your life
lack of energy; fatigue
irritability; complaining
being in a bad mood more often than not
indecisive, confused and unable to focus or concentrate easily overwhelmed; not able to complete everyday tasks and activitiesPhysical complaints
lethargic, always seems tired or fatigued
change in sleeping and eating habits (i.e. sleeping longer hours, waking up in the middle of the night or early in the morning, difficulty falling asleep; loss appetite or increase in appetite)
gastrointestinal difficulties (upset stomach, diarrhea)
persistent headaches

Why does someone become depressed?
There are many reasons why someone will become depressed. Common reasons (especially for college students) are: loss of a significant relationship, leaving home, academic difficulties, parental conflict, existential or future concerns ('what am I going to do when I graduate: What do I want from life? etc.), just to name a few. Other environmental and even possible chemical or biological factors may also play a role in the causation of depression. Regardless of the reason, feeling depressed is very difficult and many people who are depressed need some help in coping with their situation.

What should I do if I feel depressed?
The first thing to remember is that almost everyone feels depressed at one time or another. And, more often than not, most people return to their regular functioning at some point--you will not be depressed forever. Take time to assess why you are feeling the way you are feeling. Feeling sad or depressed in most cases, is an expected and appropriate reaction to a stressor or situation. When you lose something important in your life, it is appropriate and expected that you will feel sad and even depressed. However, when these feelings become overwhelming, too intense, last for an extensive period of time, or significantly interfere with your ability to function, it might be wise to make efforts to change your situation.

Some ideas may be to:
give yourself a break from the stressful situation and/or event
seek out the support and validation of friends and/or family, or seek out the assistance of those who may be able to change your situation
attempt to do activities that were pleasurable to you, even if that means you have to take a break from the stressful event and/or feelings
avoid making long term commitments or decisions until you are feeling clearer and more level-headed
take things day by day--attempt to accomplish small goals as opposed to trying to solve everything at once

If feelings of depression persist or worsen, it may be advisable to seek help from a friend, family member or mental health professional. Depression is a common issue that many students face, and alleviation of your symptoms is definitely possible.

Another alternative to consider is anti-depressant medication. Consulting with a psychiatrist can be helpful in deciding if medication is an option that you should consider.

How can I help someone else who may be depressed?
The most important thing to remember if you helping someone with depression is to remain supportive. Blaming the depression on the person, trying to "make" them "snap out of it" and other confrontational techniques can backfire and make the situation worse. It is important to first let the person know that you are concerned about her or him, want to help and are willing to be a resource. The way that you help may range from just listening to recommending that the person contact a mental health care provider for assistance.
Remember that in most cases, feeling depressed is common for all of us. Many people experience an alleviation of their depressive symptoms in a reasonable amount of time. If, for whatever reason, it feels like this is not occurring, there are other resources and options available.

***

I have only this to say: i have been depressed before. It was long, tough, tiring journey, which i will not elaborate.
I walked alone for so long in that long, neverending, narrow, dark tunnel with only the faint light in the end.
But I believed in the faint light, and that it exists, and so i kept walking towards it.
Depression cannot be cured by human drugs, but with love and care, and plenty of willpower.

2006-07-14T16:00:00.000+08:00

Some words of wisdom

1. I got this from someone's nick on MSN:

we judge ourselves by our intentions;
we judge others by their actions.

2. I got this from a friend of mine who is a christian; for all the things that they say, there is a truth in some of them.

The Serenity Prayer

Grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change,
courage to change the things i can,
and wisdom to know the difference.

3. More words of encouragement:

Nuanxin's law (aka Newton's 4th law)

Making yourselves happy or miserable requires the same amount of work.
alternatively, work = (+-) happiness

4. One more for the road, thought when on the road:

If u think that someone is inferior than you, do not despise him, instead, swop shoes with him (put yourself in his shoes).
Help him.

2006-07-10T21:54:00.000+08:00

Stressed out

I think i haven't really gotten over that plague of criticism since i broke camp.

Now the red haze has lifted. Life goes on. I'm surprised it got so ugly.

I'll try to learn from my mistakes, that's what I can say. Now. Maybe the next time i make the same mistake, i'll say that, too.

I'll not deflect any more statements. Tired out. Back to the old adage: I can't please everyone. Maybe i can't please anyone, even myself.

Move on. Sometimes, doing something just ain't worth it.

=(

2006-07-08T15:45:00.000+08:00

Regrets

I regret to hear, that one of my pharmaceutical friends has posted very unconstructive comments on a personal blog, regarding the nature of Pharmacy Camp, Aduro: A New Beginning.

To that person:

For a start, if my logic doesn't fail me, the comments were unsubstantiated. And they did not give any ideas on how to better the camp.

And to the suggestions that you gave regarding the pre-camp briefings and dry runs, I do not remember hearing of it during the planning process. Maybe i was ignorant. But you could, if you wanted, emphasize on it by telling me a second time. The thing was, no one gave me any feedback, as what my memory dictates.

I shall not use any of my usual vitrolic tongue in retaliation as i still value the deep friendship between us. Instead, I beseech you to reflect upon the camp again; even though it was not fun, as you have mentioned, give me reasons. I know i screwed up bad sometimes during the camp. But i guess that no one is perfect, and in fact the plans were the best that i could think off considering the pros and cons of the situation.

But that doesn't give reason to point, stare and make comments purely based on a single side of the story. Especially when the blood, tears and sweat of many that had gone into the project involved had gone virtually unnoticed.

The primary objective of the camp was to give the freshies under us a good time, and i think we've achieved that. Yes, at great cost if you would say so - there were numerous glitches, and i thank those people who worked hard to cover them up such that the show could go on. I do not deny that the plan was flawed. I shall not explain the reasons why i think that the camp was flawed; that is of no use until the planning for the next camp.

The seniors (year 3s) had labelled the camp a success, i guess they mean it was better than the previous year. Whether this is true or not, I will get feedback from the freshies myself, as a rating for this camp. I will hear it from their own mouths, whatever criticism they have for me and my plans, and i will reflect upon it.

I guess you have your freedom to express whatever thoughts you have about the camp. So do I about your thoughts.

But i hope, in lieu of our friendship, that you'll reconsider these thoughts of yours and approach the situation in a more problem-solving method. Tell me where I went wrong, give constructive criticism.

Enough for now. Your call.

Sincerest regards
Yongqiang

p.s. "to smile and to frown expends the same energy." I'd rather smile.

2006-07-05T23:00:00.000+08:00

Aduro - A New Beginning
Day 3
Part 2

One of the tasks we had once the freshies arrived was to give them T-shirts while they were having their short r&r around. It seems like Sentosa took up too much time or something, and most of the freshies didn't have time to bathe.

Well, never mind. More time for us then.

The PF cockup: during the preparation time (Part 1) Shannon was packing the t-shirts and asked me whether to give the 3 pseudo-freshies maroon (for seniors) shirts or black (for freshies) shirts.
Thing was, from what she said when she presented to me the numbers for shirts, we seem to have a shortage of seniors' shirts (60, of which ~50 was to be taken up).

Well, that's one question you should never ask me, I don't care who dresses up as what, as long as they dress up.

If we give them maroon shirts, it means we will sound the death-knoll on their freshie status, the whole show is over, and one way to end it will be to have everyone gather before dinner, where they will come out with their nice new maroon shirts when everyone other freshie comes out in their black one.

If we give them black shirts, the PF show can still go on, even until camp breaks. But the 3 PFs will not get their maroon shirts.

Preferably, i would have preferred that they get black shirts. But anyway, the leadership in me didn't work again, and I asked jevin for advice. he said, give them maroon shirts.

ok then. 3 maroon shirts were delivered to them, which caused a huge uproar. haha. it was certainly interesting to see how the 3 PFs bluff their way out of the entire thing. i thought at that stage, the game was over. just tell the freshies.

somehow, by one way or another, the freshies didn't believe that there were PFs!!! OMG! so naive and innocent. muifong was asked: "so, do they give this to those who wanna be ogls?" lol. tiongphew made a huge fuss about receiving the wrong shirt etc. which somehow, the freshies seemed to believe it. bingxun just coolly said that the seniors gave him the wrong shirt and they took his word for it. ha. that guy really has bonded with his team.

Lol. moving over to talentime:

at about 7 pm to 7:30 pm the profs (well actually prof chui and our kind ms tan who arrived at 6:30) arrived. prof chui brought with him 2 uk students on attachment, which junice (as the emcee) often got their names wrong. lol. They mingled with the students. Prof chui and ms tan did a great job by not exposing our PFs, which took their best effort not to mingle with them for fear of being found out.

Talentime was in my opinion: OK. not a success. but passable. mainly we had junice the energizer bunny as a good emcee.

Talentime: 5/10
Song item: 4/10
Skit item: ???
Beauty pageant: 4/10

First item: song

Generally, not very well done, i had expected to showcase the "kbox singing talents" of whoever. most of them didn't require the karaoke versions (or lacking that, the originals) of the music that we had so painstakingly provided for them. The mikes didn't work sometimes, staging their own rebellions here and there. No-one used the guitar that i had brought, too. The sound system wasn't utilised to its full that day.

But generally, they were quite cooperative, belting out their songs as a whole, even placing ridiculous gigs, to the amusement of everyone.

Second item: skit

Hoped this saved the show, cos i was busily taking a break for this one, as no sound system was needed. Only possible glitch were the mikes.

Third item: beauty pageant

by this time, all the people were shack-out, and i think it might be a good idea, not to lump everything in one gala show next time. or give them too many breaks.

generally this one took about 30 minutes, a chop-chop event. it was rushing too quickly, there was no suspense at all. but no choice. it was alrady 10:30 and we planned to finish by 11.

but i think, every camp should still have one. even though, there was no SDU support for it. =(

basically we asked the 10 fellas to go to the back of the chalet ( to mute them), then asked each couple to come out, give a short intro, then junice will ask them why they chose pharmacy, and then do a catwalk. simple.

quite disappointgly, we didn't even make use of the 5 sashes that we had intended for miss personality, hotbod etc. there was simply not enough time, and the judges decided to cut it short.

sadly, the mood, which i had expected the participants to be increasingly high during the camp, did not achieve the high that i had expected. it felt like, it never rose at all.

2006-07-05T18:30:00.000+08:00

Aduro - A New Beginning
Day 3
Part 1

Slept at 0500 last night, woke up at 1200 today.
Everyone else had left for Sentosa, except me and half the log crew (grace, shannon and sandra).
I made a check with yuantai whos out in the field. everything seems ok. seems like day 2 - again - only if things happen this time, the log team can't correct it.
Log team said that the stores were not fully taken over. I pray that everything turns out fine.

***

We ordered macs and watched tv, the girls were talking about themselves, i was watching tv.
Jevin called and asked me to prepare the stuff for Talentime. ok.
Suddenly, i feel like a grunt again. Which is not good for the camp, but good for me, cos that's what i'd like to do. What i'm trained to do. Take orders.
Not good for the camp cos there's still a heavy burden on my shoulders. But it seems to me at that moment, the burden seems to have vanished.

Log team as usual, took the extra care to buy stuff like presents ($10 vouchers at some ice cream parlour) for the final giveaway.
I told the log team to buy 24 x 1.5 L bottles of soft drinks, then increased to 30 bottles. For the chillout.
One thing i didn't realise was, we were buying soft drinks for chillout, and not bottled water when we were in phil. Soft drinks, stinging to the taste, ridiculously sweet, do not deplete as fast as bottled drinks.
The log team made jia en ferry all the bottles from clementi to here.

Went back to home, lugged half of my baggage back. Felt a bit sien. The log team was sorting out camp t-shirts to give to the freshies.
Took 29, then the mrt. Two hours of listening to the mp3 player. Not exactly the best way to facilitate a camp. Filled with thoughts of people playing merrily (i hope) in the warm sentosa sandy beaches, as supposedly planned. Somehow, the thoughts were confused with the feelings that i had in Sentosa during the Sheares Hall Exposure Camp. It was fun, i had feelings of pure fun - not those 'fun' that came up in appreciation for effort - sometimes. It was quite rare to have such moments.

The journey took 2 hours, reached home at 4:30 pm. Threw all my clothes on the floor, then loaded up the 1) bottles of alcohol - two bottles of tanduay rum (brought with much difficulty from phil) and and two bottles of Bailey's, one original, one mint, bought on the phil trip.
2) bought a guitar along for talentime, "just in case". Wanted to set off but Mum was home and saw me carrying a guitar on my back and a HUGE duffel bag (with a haversack inside the empty bag) offered to give me a lift. again. was feeling a bit annoyed but took the transport anyway, running out of time.
Stopped at Popular's to buy 3) a "Sorry" card to my SP. long story, that one.

Zoomed back to Aloha Changi, to reach there at 5:30 pm. (Would reach at least 6pm if i had taken public transport, which means i would be hell-bitched by all present and i will never forgive myself).

Bought some ice (found out later, no one used it).

Shannon told me to set up the stage for talentime. Well, ok. Carried the sound equipment all by myself, didn't have much of a choice, as the log people and f&B cell were setting up the place as well, carrying tables, chairs, placing the platters of food, etc. And i was the only guy around.

Took a table for the speakers and placed it behind the "stage" near a drain, and placed all the speakers there. Slung two extensions into chalet D, plugged in all the wires. Set. Sound test.
Shuttled between the performance area, which was in front of the chalets, and the seniors' chalet, a road away, many times, to get stuff.

Didn't have much time. 6:30 the freshies arrived by bus at their chalets. Sometimes i think we shouldn't make their lives so easy. Stepping down the bus, they were greeted by the "stage", an empty space in front of the speakers, which had Kenny G sax blasting from them, and a congregation of about 50 chairs who had mysteriously assembled in front of chalets C and D. And of course, the 5- or 6- course dinner, in front of chalets E and F, of which to whet their appetities.

2006-07-05T03:00:00.000+08:00

Aduro, A New Beginning
Day 2
The Slugging

After FN we came back for a debrief. One of the longest we had ever had.

Basically most of the vitriol was directed towards the programmes which had not been ran to its full efficiency, or the sudden delays, the glitches, the mix-ups, etc.

It was quite saddening to hear your programmes being "operated on". People offered many solutions on how the camp should have been better, how this should have been done, what I should have not done.

I must admit, criticism is one of the things that is harder to accept for me. Especially when it comes in huge torrents, floods. And from your own people, the people working under you, the people working with you, the people working above you.

I think everyone knew i was pissed. I made no attempt to hide that. While the slugging took place all i could manage was to nod silently. "ya. ya. ya. ya. ok." I had no energy left to fight, to reason, to tell them why. Not that reason was much of a use either.

Some words made sense. Some words didn't, instead they fuelled the rage burning in myself.

Three things i have to say:

1) For those who said my plans / planning department were lousy: Why didn't you tell me before hand?
Why must you wait till that fateful day when everyone is slugging me and you add fuel to the fire?
Not that i didn't give you enough time and chances for open discussion. I believe that, I had asked so many times for feedback. None came. All my plans were uploaded on yahoo groups. No one read them.

2) For the poor execution: yup. it was shitty execution, even i didn't expect it. One problem could be communication - the wrongful encoding and decoding of instructions.
For that, its my fault - i am not a good communicator, i admit. Instructions were not passed down clearly. There are so many ideas in my head yet it's hard for me to get them out.

But then: no one reads my plans on yahoo groups. Isn't that why no one understands what i'm saying? I can quote examples.
Catch Me If You Can. Candlefight. Alternate Fright Night Activities. These were plans that you had to read beforehand in order to know what's going on. No one did.
Maybe the constant changes that we had of the proposals lead to different versions, so in the end, no one cares at all.
If no one reads the RO, is it the fault of the person who types the RO? No. it's the fault of the commander.

3) Manpower. People keep coming in and out, each with their varying schedules. People can tell me that they are not coming 1 week before the camp, and 3-4 days before the camp they can tell me they are coming. Even during the camp, i discovered additional manpower that i have, and manpower that i should have but somehow disappeared.

Yes i have no control over my men. I don't wanna control anything, i am not a leader, i just wanna make sure this camp is good, the people have fun.

Right from the start, everyone who signed up for this camp were volunteers. No one was "drafted" or "conscripted". Why can't then, they turn up for meetings regularly? Work. It is so hard to gather everyone for a single meeting, cos i know they don't give a shit about the plans online at all. Never mind, i will swallow that; in the end we had a meeting about 5 days before the camp. Attendance-wise and judging from the questions they fielded, it was shitty. I doubt that it fulfilled half its purpose.

To the MIA people - i am powerless over you. I don't wanna force anyone to come, to do things. We are friends after all, if not, classmates, and i don't wanna sound like a tyrant or a slavemaster.

It is tough enough planning for the items. I am not a manpower IC. And I am not fit to be a program IC when i can't even control my men.

Enough, my defence for that day is written in 3 points here in bold, and partly delivered by alvin. No use talking about it. I wrote it here in my quiet corner, a deliverance to myself, not another attack that will trigger off a war.

Lastly, i never intended for this camp to be successful, like the big camps, like union camp. Union camp was fun, everybody knows that. But if i could do better than last year, i will have fulfilled my objective. There are errors here and there, some that can be anticipated, some that never will be anticipated. And for those that can be anticipated, sometimes there is not enough manpower and resources to devote to it.

I believe no plan is perfect, and you can't please everyone. My target was that at least about 3 OGs out of 5 enjoyed it. And if they didn't, the OGLs were to step in and save the day with their minigames and backups.

Whatever.

The briefing ended at 3am, and everyone's eyes were bloodshot. Mood was sombre. And they still had sentosa briefing after that. I admire their spirit when they did not sleep.

I went to sleep. Yuantai very thankfully put me out of the sentosa games, for what reason i didn't want to know. Went to bed sticky and smelly, so popped over to chalet K and bathed there at 4am. Apparently xinyi heard some "stuff" later, so i thank my gods that nothing happened to me. lol. Maybe "they" didn't wanna antagonise a man who will point the middle finger at anything that inflames him.

Somehow, i feel, the living are more scary than the non-living people...

2006-07-04T23:59:00.000+08:00

Aduro - A New Beginning
Day 2
Behind the Scenes for Fright Night

after monitoring the situation (well what can u monitor when u're not out there in the field?) for a while i decided that everything had stabilised after the logistics' treasure hunt had been carried out, and so i headed for Chalet K, location for FN.

i got xinyi and wanchee to help me bring the stuff for FN over. quite a lot of stuff, amounting to about 3 boxes' worth.

firstly we placed black cloth, trashbags, and even a collage made from magazines on the windows to block any light out and to prevent any freshies from staring inside. next we went from station to station and then set up the scene accordingly.

xinyi and wanchee were pros in taking charge of the situation, i could even stand by and not lift a finger. apparently there were people who really read my program proposals. *touched*

some things i wanted to share about fright night: according to my friend, there are 8 classes of FN/trustwalk as observed by professional companies:

1) (freshies) walk around a known area, blindfolded, form a line, put hands on the shoulders of the person in front of you, with people guiding along the way.

2) walk around a known area, blindfolded, form a line, put hands on the shoulders of the person in front of you, first person leads the way.

3) walk around a known area, blindfolded, alone

4) walk around an unknown area, not blindfolded, in a group

5) walk around an unknown area, not blindfolded, individually

6) walk around an unknown area, not blindfolded, with actors scaring them

7) walk around not blindfolded in a cemetary

8) walk around not blindfolded in a cemetary with actors.

well i guess FN falls under category 6.

anyway. we employed two things i call "psychological fear" and "shock tactics". the former was to let you "scare yourself". after all, your imagination can get the better of you when you're in a creepy place and you know that you're gonna be scared shitless. this sets up shock tactics which will scare the person shitless: shock tactics: a sudden, shocking feeling from an actor which will probably rush the adrenaline and BP of the freshie way up high.

the first part of FN was a lonely walk without actors (initally we planned for them to walk to Chalet K without help; in the end we gave them a guide - zhiwei) to the chalet, round the chalet where there were these huge hedges surrounding the chalet and no one knows what lurks within; and then into the house via the back door.

first station: wee ping as the maid. dressed in black and with a frightening white face, she got about 2 or 3 out of 14 groups breaking down here, and they had to be taken off. they were saying that she was so professional, she didn't even flinch when those guys were trying to make fun of her. even when the freshies were asking to leave and stop the game, she used that same "ghostly" tone to talk to them. very good.

second station: the living room. not much scaring from here onwards - we concentrated on "task based" objectives. basically they had to ask the family to dinner and drink some fruitade at the dining table which was spiked with centipedes (shannon's idea). then they went up.

basically, the freshies have to find their way out of the house by collecting their names of the family. gives the "addams family" thing. the first letters of the family will make up the camp name, Aduro.

third station: xinyi and yijiang. they were supposed to find her love letter or something in order to know her name. prob they can't find. so alt plan was to have them bandage yijiang who is lying motionless on the floor. when the poor fella who is bandaging is almost done yj will suddenly scream and scare her shitless. shock tactics. both of them are good, esp yj, i didn't know he can act so well.

here the freshies split up, two of them goes into one room (Group 1), and two the other room (Group 2).

4th station (Group 1): xiuting was there as the Little Girl, bouncing on the bed. she wanted the freshies to play with her and bring her 3 toys. ok.. fine but then when finding one of the toys wanqi will come out from under the cupboard and scare them.

we combined both beds so xiuting could have a double bed to jump around, and we hid wanqi under the dressing table. we put blankets with pillows over the clotheshanger to make them think that someone could be hiding there. i reckoned they will either check under the bed, which is quite hard for the person hiding there to scare them, or the clotheshanger area, since it's so conspicuous.

5th station (Group 2): the other pair of freshies will then move to the area where there is an unwed mother (originally supposed to be xuanwei but i dunno changed to who) asking the freshies to pose with the baby (a doll) , and she takes a picture of them. then while they're at it, agnes will ambush them from behind.
we placed a cupboard suspiciously facing the door to supposedly hide agnes there. there was also a dark corner which was shadowed by the cupboard, enough for a person to hide there.
think some freshies saw agnes coming out from the bed. haha. too bad.

6th station (Group 2): the pair of freshies then proceed to the toilet. there are no actors there. they are supposed to write the chinese word "kill" with lipstick on their cheeks, which was written on lipstick on the toilet sink's mirror. i thought this station is darn creepy since there is no one in this room, the actors also bloodstained the shower area with lipstick-stained tissue and etc. but apparently one freshie said that the station wasn't scary at all! cos there were no hiding places. well.

7th station (both groups): all 4 freshies will proceed to one room where they will have to find the last clue. the two huilings were here (ok, huilin and huiling) and they were creepy. haha. we placed a manikin head (from my sister) with two pillows and covered the whole thing so we made like it was a person sleeping, and xiuting came up with this excellent idea of making a person slumped against a table, with pillows and blankets, and the "head" was a ball of plastic bag.

not much of a finale, but at least it got them out of the chalet.

well. i hoped FN would be great. i think it was. and i pray that all my actors will be safe and sound.

the only complain from xinyi was the pairing up of guys. can't send pairs with two guys, two girls, she said. the two guys will talk crap and make fun of the FN actors. like there was this joker who asked xiuting what her name was (yar they are actually supposed to find out, but they are not supposed to ask), who "denise" (xinyi) was, is she her sister, etc. kills all the fun and the fear factor which was supposed to be instilled in the girls.

teams with 4 gals (at the start) fared better, i mean, they got more scared, some of them were literally scared shitless that they had to be ushered out at the first station.

FN: 9.5/10

after helping with the furnishing of Chalet K.. it was the other hurdle: the Alternate Fright Night (AFN) plans to have a headache with.

2006-07-04T17:00:00.000+08:00

Aduro - a new beginning
Day 2

they woke up at 0700 hours, brushed their teeth, ate breakfast (which was reported to be lousy) and trooped off to changi beach at 0800 singing their songs, led by some OGLs.

we woke up at 0700 hours, brushed our teeth, ate some breakfast, then rushed off to changi beach to set up the thing for them. salute these OGLs.

I woke up at 0900 hours, brushed my teeth, ate some breakfast, lingered around in the senior's chalet, then thought of reporting to the fright night chalet at 1000 with xinyi and co.

not to be.

emergency call at around 0930 caught program and logistics off-guard. it seems that the changi games had only took up half the time, leaving about 2 hours and 30 minutes of deadly free time. i was like "huh?" when shannon and her crew were suddenly so busy rushing about.

amazingly, logistics team prepared another game, all by themselves - a treasure hunt of 25 items which i had initially planned for a wet-weather plan. And they were rushing against time to set up the items.

tensions were high, especially among the people who were going to be in the field. i was still feeling groggy.

i suggested carrying out the frisbee game immediately after the changi games, but due to the lengthy nature of the game (it will take 3 hours, which means that they will probably finish around 1:30 pm, shack, and hungry) i thought logistics' idea was a better one instead.

the treasure hunt supplemented most of the time that the changi games forfeited, and everything was suddenly back on schedule.

i don't blame anyone for this horrible glitch, if i have to blame anyone it would be myself, since the dry run for that game wasn't carried out at all. there was one parameter that we could simply modify - the distance between the stations - but we made it too short, such that the game ended too quickly. can't make it too long either - they will shack out easily as in-between stations they have to duck walk, frog leap - you get the idea. we had planned to use a good portion of changi beach to do the activities too but instead we stuck to a relatively small area.
finally, everything wasn't planned to the exact detail, which i found myself to be negligent in doing. simply said, i didn't go through the exact sequence of what a freshie will do in my head, preferring to leave it to chance.

and as for joy, the ic for this game.. her ideas were good, in fact they were quite original. but yes. we didn't test it out, and that proved to be the death blow for this game.

Changi beach games - 3/10
Impromptu treasure hunt - not in a position to comment

then they had lunch, then it was ultimate frisbee. no comment for that, it was qutie straightforward. only two responses: either the freshies like it, or they don't. for whatever reason i dunno. but i could say the planning was quite standard, by bingxun. but frankly, there wasn't much that was needed to plan too.

Ultimate frisbee - 7/10

candlefight which was carried out after UF was a disaster. originally meant to be a filler, there was almost zero preparation for this game, if there was, it was just a simple sketch, at least that's how i remember it.

about 1 week before the camp, we were still discussing the cons about having this game and deciding whether to implement it. we went on.

end result: (from feedback) the freshies saw that this game was poorly planned, or did not even have planning at all. i wasn't there to witness the carnage.

Candlefight - 0/10

sadly. if i had put in a wee bit more effort, maybe made a few more alterations and fixed who should be doing wad, instead of putting mere numbers on paper, it would be a better choice.

2006-07-04T11:59:00.000+08:00

Aduro - A New Beginning
Day 2, Alternate Fright Night

The freshies came home at about 5pm, where we gave them a short break from 5pm-8pm. Some might think this break broke the momentum. I guess they should have some rest after a day of serious activity, running all over the place, etc.

I prepared the plans for the alternate fright night (AFN) activities from 3pm-7pm. AFN activities were directed at giving the freshies that were not in FN (at any moment, we had about 48 freshies not involved in FN, compared to 4 who are in FN).

It was, i must say, a true experiment. AFN activities included talentime planning, secret pal and a night boardwalk - instead of simply giving 6 hours to plan for talentime, which i thought was rather boring. The schedule was as follows:

8pm-10pm: Talentime planning
10pm-11:00pm: Secret Pal
10:20pm-11:20pm: Boardwalk
Fright Night ran concurrently with all these.

Since secret pal (SP) was integrated into the programme, I had to make sure that during the slot for SP, both SPs were there. No choice but to work out a schedule for FN that was labelled as rigid - i had slotted people according to batches, and the slotting could not be readily changed.

We didn't run FN OG by OG either; not fair to any OG. Instead we picked one person from each OG and formed a group. Good chance for them to interact and know each other as well.

It didn't really work out; we had some last-minute substitutions of seniors as some freshies pulled out; proved to be a headache. Some freshies wanted to change with their OG mates so that they can be together with their friends from another OG. Some wanted to go again.

But in the end.. i think it was good. SP was an idea borrowed (as i would say, cut and pasted) from Sheares Hall Exposure Camp 2005, and it was a good idea. It was an experiment here, but the campers loved it according to feedback. Talking to your SP in some unknown territory, blindfolded, for about 15-20 minutes. Fun? Thrilling? Boring? Lame?

One thing was that SP meeting, i had allocated too little time (20min - each session dragged for at least 30-40 min) and i didn't take into account travelling time. Manpower wasn't enough and decided also. I have to thank alvin for managing the Secret Pal thingy, and his wonderful crew for leading them around.

Secret Pal Meeting: 6/10

Next was boardwalk. This item was poorly planned, and not executed the way i wanted it to. The boardwalk was a collection of wooden boards near the Changi Beach where the Yacht Club was. The plan was to blindfold them (anyway they are already blindfolded from their SP meeting), lead them to the boardwalk which was about 10m away, and then let them through in single file.

Every member was to feel this string (an orange comskote) that was tied around the boardwalk and feel their way around guided by the string. The original plan was to have actors scaring them along the way, like stomping boots and people barking Japanese ("Japanese soldiers"), people saying "No! don't kill me" or something like that ("victims"). If it was executed well, i think the freshies could perhaps emphazise with that turbulent period of time about 60 years ago. The plan was to have them travel across a "time tunnel" or something back to 1942 but i was thinking that is quite lame.

Anyway, execution of plan wasn't anything like that at all. They simply led the freshies like a trust walk, along every step!!!! There was no scaring at all. Argh. I think i didn't explain quite carefully during the briefing.
It was so crowded there too, that the freshies were actually one big cluster of people walking aimlessly. Wrong place to do a boardwalk, in fact.
I don't know what the freshies think about this, some thought what the hell are these people blindfolding us and leading us here and there.

Boardwalk: 4/10

In the end, AFN took so long that FN was delayed. I didn't take into account travelling time, or that people will be walking damn slow. Neither did i plan the route from which they will travel, no holding points, or at which point, they will be blindfolded.

If i did, AFN could have been a good FN by itself. Imagine being blindfolded for 40-50 minutes and hearing voices around you - some you might not recognise.

2006-07-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

Aduro - A New Beginning
Day 1

Met exco at 0730 hours at SP room. helped to make some final touches, then rushed off to set up audio equipment at 0800 hours at lt28/29 foyer. OGLs were already there doing some last-minute reading up.

freshies were very punctual. first person came at 0830, a sweet gal by the name of shi yun. then more and more people came, and everything started to become messy.

Registration - 5/10
Icebreakers - 5/10

Registration was very messy. By right we were supposed to do it systematically, ie check whether money was paid, give fun pack, give SP card (with the pseudonym and the hp no of the SP on it).

Music turned out to be very unnecessary. Some groups who were far away wanted louder music, whereas groups who were nearer to the speakers found it irritating. And i can't even play music during games, or forfeits as there was no time to decide and find the appropriate tracks.
The microphones turned out to be quite unnecessary too.

Sequence of events - there was considerable delay due to the painting of the banner (i had only given them 30 min, instead they took an hour). I should have taken a more proactive stance in this item, rather than throw it completely to the OGLs and Pearlyn. Event starting time was very miscommunicated; i wanted to rush them towards the briefings but the OGs were still doing stuff.

Emcee - junice didn't know what to say for some parts due to the uncertain sequence of events, but i thought she still put up a brave performance.

Icebreakers part was very impromptu; even sometimes i didn't know what was going on, nor what was going to happen next. But the OGLs more or less saved the show.

I was supposed to brief them for the talentime event as no one else knows whats going on. I found out that i don't make a very good emcee, nor can i explain things very well.

We ran into problems finding the karaoke version for some of the songs requested by the OGs for the song item.

Food Hunt - 6/10

According to feedback, i think the freshies were quite neutral to this game. It doesn't do justice to Hui Lin, who took about 2 serious weeks to plan for it.

I guess with any game that spends most of the time of travel, it would be rather boring, running even into dead space during train/bus rides. Can't blame them for this.

Was supposed to go to Old Airport Road, but then i realised that i didn't print the lyrics for the song item! what a klutz i am. so told alvin to cover for me and then sped off to tampines library, where i copied the lyrics from my laptop. BY HAND. then zapped 11 copies of it.

rushed back to the chalet around 5:30 pm. settled down a little, and checked the items for the next event - Night Game 1.

Night Game 1: Catch Me If You Can - 9/10

This is probably one of the few items in the camp that i can safely raise my head high about it.

Basically, it is a treasure-hunt-cum-catching game. Freshies get caught and get sprayed with water, flour, chilli sauce, etc.

I think the seniors had more fun than the freshies. The freshies weren't very eager on getting sprayed with the condiments, and running around for their lives.

In the end, they all got paranoid and stayed inside the safe zones. Even during times of "non-curfew", where seniors are not allowed to catch them. Haha. *shakes head*

After this, we gave them some time to settle in their chalets. I and xuanwei popped over to each chalet with our laptops and my mp3 player and we discussed how to go about the song item for talentime. some groups were quite enthusiastic about it, discussing openly (we can see through the windows) about it, with faint melodies wafting from the chalets; some just wanted to watch tv.

Went back to chalet. Had a short debrief, then slept at about 3am.

2006-07-02T23:59:00.001+08:00

Faculty Orientation Camp (Pharmacy) 2006
Aduro: A New Beginning
Timeline (what actually happened)

Day 1
0900 - meet at Science Foyer, Icebreakers
1000 - making of banner, forging of group name
1100 - mass games, briefing for talentime, cheering competition
1200 - briefing for Food Hunt
1230 - Food Hunt commences
1930 - Teams arrive at chalet, washup, settle down in their chalets
2030 - Night Game 1
2230 - washup
2300 - preparation for talentime (song item)
0000 - sleep

Day 2
0700 - wakeup, breakfast
0800 - walk to changi beach
0830 - start of changi's beach games
1030 (?) - end of changi's beach games (prematurely). log team rushes down with newly improvised treasure hunt.
1200 - lunch
1300 - ultimate frisbee
1600 - candlefight
1700 - walk back to chalets
1730 - reach chalets, rest until 2000
2000 - start of fright night; talentime practice for those not in fright night
2200 - secret pal (first batch); fright night runs concurrently
2300 - boardwalk; fright night runs concurrently
0120 - end fright night

Day 3
0700 - wakeup, breakfast
0800 - set off for sentosa
0900 (?) - reach sentosa, disembark, briefing on games
0930 - sentosa games; lunch included
1500 (?) - assemble at siloso beach for prep on war games
1600 - war games
1700 - simple washup, come back to chalet
1830 - arrive at chalet, washup
2000 - start of talentime - song item, chingay, xuanwei's performance
2120 - start of skit items
2220 - beauty pageant
2300 - end of talentime; OTOT (chillout in chalet available)

Day 4
0900 - assemble in seniors' chalet for debrief and break camp.
1030 - break camp

2006-07-02T23:59:00.000+08:00

Day 0 - Preparation

I think i started day 0 with turning on my laptop. Since i came back from the nvac camp, it has been like that.
Hafta meet xuanwei at 2pm in the pharm soc room to test-run the speakers.

Brought my speakers as well as some other stuff like the cowboy's hat along to pharm soc room. tried the speakers with her microphones, it worked - sometimes.

checked this, checked that.

about 5pm i suddenly realised that i haven't prepared for Secret Pal. DAMN. No logistics team to help me, guess i've to do it myself. With xw's help, we started on the 27 pairs of freshies.

Secret Pal wasn't easy. as this year we were using handphones as a means of communication, both Secret Pals cannot exist in the same OG. And with my dastardly plan of splitting the freshies up during fright night, it made the entire thing even a bigger headache.

left around 6pm and i proceeded on to IMM to get the second microphone jack converter. came back, and finished the secret pal thingy over rogue questions on msn, briefing junice, and television programs.

slept around 10pm.

2006-06-23T00:13:00.000+08:00

Outlook until term

June 23, Friday: one more day to get everything settled for the Big Meeting and FOCC before all hell breaks loose.
Meeting with rui xiang, agenda yet unconfirmed. I think he's like G-man, yet there's something about him that holds me in awe.

June 24: Dry Run at Changi with Yuantai and... 3 others. More like a walk in the park, i hope.

June 25: Andy's Birthday Party. A secondary school friend, more like a brother. Lucky guy just got a gf who's arranging a surprise birthday party for the dude. Plan will be to keep him in the dark and teach him piano until 6:30 pm when the gf springs the trap. Then it's off to Marina for a good round of steamboat.

AH!!!! Sh*t, steamboat again. Not good for throat.

June 26: Dry Run at Sentosa. Check it out, man.

June 27: Ambush the female freshies and collect $$$ from them for pharm camp in the afternoon as they come for their medical checkup, as well as meet up with all FOCC members for the General Meeting. Important! Don't screw this up!

June 28-29: Vacation.
Either i will be taking part in nvac camp (days 3-4), or
Be resting at home, sick and in bed, as to let the #$%^%$# virus run its course.

June 30-Nov 2: thinking about going for Rotaract Club camp.... and getting more ideas.. wonder will these ideas ever surface?

Nov 3-Nov 6: The Performance.

Nov 7: Rest and Recuperation

Nov 8: Volunteering for the Singapore Heart Foundation

Nov 9: More rest

Nov 10-13: odac camp, as a logistics helper.

Nov 14-17: rest rest rest...

Nov 18-19: some function by CFA. dunno.

2006-06-21T23:59:00.000+08:00

Dad's birthday

Still feeling quite sick due to the low immunity caused by the seizure on sunday.

Woke up at 12pm, sleep still interrupted by forced visit to the toilet last night. Sigh.

Went out at 3:30pm with Shannon, Pearlyn and Sandra from my class to buy stuff from this nice shop in Rochor. Great selection of Halloween/party stuff at affordable prices.

Broke off at 6:00pm and arranged to meet Dad at The Concourse. Nothing much there. Came back and picked the family up, then went to NUS to see xw who was in the PS room with... ahem. Sorry i caused u guys to miss dinner.

Went to this place in West Coast Recreation Centre. There are only two restaurants there, yet we picked the lousier one. Would have rather gone to Jack's Place anytime.

Yet, Dad likes Chinese food, so we went to this seafood restaurant. Large, but few customers. Ordered. Chrysanthemum tea too weak, too hot. Damm should have bought BK at Concourse, cos i'm hungry at 8:00pm and no food was served.

Was sick too. Sore throat getting worse, there's this part of my pharnyx that stings when you swallow something. Plus headache.

Well the meal was over very soon - 5 dishes - not much. Dunno why Dad likes to eat in such places where the service sucks, the food portions are small, yet they charge such excessive prices.

I will not go into Chinese restaurants unless forced to go, or someone else is footing the bill. Grunts.

2006-06-20T22:47:00.000+08:00

You are mighty!!

guess someone must like me so much, they even devoted a website and flash to me. haha

BHB!!!

http://www.yongqiang.youaremighty.com/

2006-06-20T19:50:00.000+08:00

The difference between a nurse and a wife

A nurse is someone who will take care of you, because its her duty to do so, bound by passion for her job, or simply because she's getting paid.

A wife is someone who will take care of you, out of true love.

2006-06-20T19:44:00.000+08:00

"Its time for you to find a girlfriend."

Most males (well, most) of my age have probably come to this stage where they find the phrase which i have coincidentally included as a title creeping their sleeves.

Doesn't matter who said it - for me, it's my mum - but it gets on their nerves.

yeah, yeah, well i know.

The famous Cloud Strife of FF7 was not spared either. In his hometown of Nibelheim, his mother said something like that too. "Get a girlfriend that is older than you, so she can take care of you". something like that.

(right now people are still debating whether his mother was referring to Aeris, but that's another story).

yeah.

finally, i've come to that stage, the point of no return, where birthdays aren't celebrated any more, it's time to move on.

life sucks. they give u your best years when you don't appreciate it, and when you do, they take it away from you.

2006-06-20T19:39:00.000+08:00

Vampiric Aura

Had a seizure again on 18th June, 2006.

Can't help it - have been "vampyring" - sleeping in the day and taking naps, leaving me wide awake at night - for the past week.

normal cycle is wake up in afternoon, do work, msn, etc, then get tired and sleep at 1800 to 2200. then wake up and find out that i can't sleep again... until when i hear the first mrt train rumble into Jurong East MRT station which is a stone's throw away from my house at approximately 0530 to 0600.

it's quite a common symptom, the last time i had this was during sem 2 exams. yep prob explained my shitty results. before i went for the trip to phil, i saw a doctor and he called these people "vampires", his son included. sleep in the day and wake up at night.

still fighting hard against this reversal of biological clock thingy. hope i get well by next week.

2006-06-15T01:21:00.000+08:00

Chernobyl - No man's land

recently i was finding some stuff for Silent Hill... then i came across this category called ghost towns (cos Silent Hill is based on this person going into some ghost town), then they had a section on this person's website (i would say photoblog) on chernobyl.

her name is elena, and she's living in some russian place called kiev, in the Ukraine, where the whole thing happened. she travels around in no-man's land taking snapshots of what seemed to be the lives of those living there on that fateful day on 1986.

it was as if the whole town stopped in time - a new pompeii, as she said.

along with the site are some other interesting stuff on old Soviet history...

http://www.kiddofspeed.com/

i think for a country that we might never visit in our lives, this is some good exposure. enjoy.

2006-06-13T02:44:00.000+08:00

priorities

hols:

get focc in order - make it end with a bang! no less.
compose one song
lose some weight - no, get a suitable exercise routine

term:
stop expansion of social circle - no more socialising unless needed, and to minimal levels. devote all resources to study, study, study.

must pull up CAP. or at least maintain.

shall morph into my selfish and "i-don't-give-a-f**k" mode. no more mr nice guy.

shall shut myself in my room 24/7 and... well shut myself in my room. and go crazy.

and no relationships, serious ones or not, until my cap is restored to its former glorious level.

join only one cca.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

i'm dreaming again. feeling ever so lost in this world.

2006-06-13T02:11:00.000+08:00

Don't Drink!!!

Recently, i have been getting nightmares of lovely Grace and Jingwen appearing in my dreams for some weird reason, yes the pharmacists, my dear classmates -

Just a few hours ago i was in dreamland and my character inside was dying for a drink. saw this orange juice store, climbed to it.

Hey lo and behold, behind the store was jw and grace! And when i asked for a drink of orange juice, they just said, "noooooo.... don't drink...."

(this episode strikes back to the time, day 17, when grace and jw especially forbidded me to touch alcohol for the party we had on the last night, after a series of drunked nights - grace especially said that she will have both eyes on me lest i touch a single drop of alcohol.

well i could have sneaked in a few shots, but i didn't wanna extend my stay, especially in the hospital.)

argh! bhbh2 memories still stuck in my head. help. every night is a crazy dream of travelling, volunteering, not drinking...

2006-06-13T01:55:00.000+08:00

someday

Someday
When my life has passed me by
I'll lay around and wonder why you were always there for me
One way
In the eyes of a passerby
I'll look around for another try
And'll fade away

[Chorus]
Just close your eyes and I'll take you there
This place is warm without a care
We'll take a swim in the deep blue sea
I go to leave as you reach for me

Some say
Better things will come our way
No matter what they try to say you were always there for me
Someway
When the sun begins to shine
I hear a song from another time
And'll fade away (x2)

[Chorus]

So far, so long, so far away
So far, so long, so far away (away, away)

Someday
When my life has passed me by
I'll lay around and wonder why you were always there for me
One way
In the eyes of a passerby
I'll look around for another try
And'll fade away (x7)

2006-06-11T12:35:00.000+08:00

Shock

i just received word that my former block head in sheares hall, has just passed away in a car crash.

i didn't know her on a very personal basis - only at the end of her tenure as block head - during the short brief period of orientation up to her handover ceremony. didn't talk to her much.

but she was very nice. she especially made special arrangements to the her comm then to take care of my epilepsy - whom instructions was subsequently passed on to the next comm.

i remember her as a friendly person in the days of orientation.

it seems so sudden that a person is gone now. but i guess people come and go in this world like an airport, only that you don't know when your arrival and departure times are. and meanwhile you lounge in transit.

i wish god bless her and everything else, thanks for being there for that brief period of time.

2006-06-11T02:17:00.000+08:00

Parody - You're Beautiful

Imagine the mtv!

0300 hours, Changi Village...

(guitar)

Guy: My life is brilliant.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure
I saw an angel
Now I'm not so sure
She smiled at me on the subway
She turned out to be a man
But I won't lose no sleep on that
I've got a plan

Gay: You're beautiful (x2) You're beautiful, its true

Guy: I saw your face, in a crowded place
And I don't know what to do
Cause I’ll never be with you

Guy: Yes 'she' caught my eye
As I walked on by
I could see on 'her' face that ‘she’ was f***ing high
And I hope that I don't see her again
Before we share any moments that will last till the end

Gay: You're beautiful (x2) You're beautiful, its true

Guy: I saw your face, in a crowded place
And I don't know what to do
Cause I’ll never be with you

Gay: Lalalalala
Guy: lalalalala
Together: lalalalala la......

Gay: You're beautiful (x2) You're beautiful, its true

Guy: There must be some angel with a smile on her face
When I thought up that she should replace you
Well it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

---

Original version:

James Blunt - You're Beautiful

My life is brilliant.
My life is brilliant, my love is pure.
I saw an angel, of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful (x2)
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yes, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was, f***ing high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last 'till the end.

Chorus
La la la la la la la la la

You're beautiful (x2)
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you.

2006-06-10T02:16:00.000+08:00

Fool again

hmm... just had a talk with some good friend of mine on msn...

asked her some questions about love (no, she is just a friend, not what you think.), and her opinions are about love.

hmm.. i realised that i'm such a fool for so many years... and i didn't realise it. heh.

what is love? i guess one has gotta answer that question proper before jumping into the depths of a relationship.

consider the highs and lows. like keeping a pet. like making a long-term decision.

i didn't get much of what my friend's trying to say, but i think she meant that let time decide.
well.. i've let 21 years of my life flew by in an instant.. am i really young? hmm. going on 22.

seems like all my life, i've let my friends dictate most of what i want to do.. and that indicates who i wanna love - it always starts with this rumor here and there... yar.

and in the end i'm left wondering whether is this all an illusion, or is this an act. or what.

just some ramblings.

2006-06-08T08:38:00.000+08:00

How do u know whether someone likes you?

Hmm. can someone give me the answer to that question?

2006-06-06T14:45:00.000+08:00

Slacking again...

I guess the world's favourite pasttime is slacking, cos when everything blows over in entropy after so many zillion zillion years away, that's all we can do..

So i'm slacking now.. while finishing one tiny part of my foc planning. sighz. and being a nosey boy and looking at other people's blogs. and this is what i found on some site of a fren of mine who's deeply in love. cheers.

---

1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 points about his/her perfect lover.
2. Mention the gender of his/her gender. (??)
3. Tag 8 victims to this.
4. If you are tagged a second time, there is no need to do it a second time.
5. The most impt part is having fun doing it!

hmm.. opening speech first.. ahem

well i think i've looked at girls for over 21 years and supposedly failed to find one that suits my whim, (or rather, none of them has supposedly succeeded in finding me on their list, heh) i shall believe that the world is round and will keep on looking for one.

i am a male and i want a female. (does that answer point two? relationships these days.. )
cut the crap;

1. physical: i think appearance wise isn't too much of a factor.. as long as i can take a look at her and don't puke can liao - but i haven't seen anyone of that description before;

we're not building a robot here so it's no use talking about face, arms, chest size, etc.

2. inner: she must be caring. i don't want a nurse, maybe a nurse and wife together would be nice. kidding. well gotta think that i'm a person with a chronic illness after all, and hence i would like if she can shoulder the extra responsibilities. not kidding.

as for others: shrewd, cunning etc should be ok, as long as it doesn't work against my personal objectives. must be filial. sweet, caring and empathetic. also intelligent (doesn't mean a PhD student) or capable, i'm not getting a bimbo unless i'm drunk.

3. must be of low upkeep, increasing to moderate upkeep only when the situation calls for it. yes i'm a miser, or you can say that i've a view that inflation will cause the next generation to eke out the same miserable existence as i do now, so i gotta plan ahead.

4. must be someone i know well, at least for 3-6 months of a good relationship before anything starts officially. doesn't have to be in healthcare as stated in the previous directive but should at least know some first aid / medical terms (like suppository and febrile diarrhoea)

5. doesn't have to be a chatterbox nor a comedian, but i guess she should have some empathy towards my views as a person. i would prefer to live my life out in silence, thank you. doesn't have to be a musician as well. will not bother too much about her friends too, unless they go overboard. that said, she doesn't have to be my shadow either.

6. must have spirit. what do i mean by this? ha. guess this is one thing that must be tested out. basically must have willpower, fighting spirit, etc... yar basically if i had lived a millenium ago in the wuxia world of jin yong, i would have preferred a swordswoman. lolz

7. must be able to slack with me.. lolz. how do ou interpret that, i leave it up to you. however should be working... otherwise be a housewife lar. i'm not raising any tai-tais until i hit my first billion.

8. ____________________(fill in the blanks)_______________________________.

OK, now the fun part.. ya, i have the most fun doing this part:

1) Constance
2) Edwin
3) Tuck
4) Som
5) Bong
6) Xinyi
7) Mayi
8) #8 already?? all others who are in my "Links" list...

2006-06-04T20:15:00.000+08:00

Pinoy Ako

There's this song in Phil that i picked up... at that time i didn't know what it was..

They played the song on day 6 at the TRY camp, as a finale to the camp.. well i guess it was quite magical. Once the song was played everyone started to acknowledge the presence of the song and started dancing.. yeah

i guess its another example of how music is such a vital tool in bridging borders...

anyway here's the song:

Orange and Lemons – Pinoy Ako
Theme Song for the television show Pinoy Big Brother

Chords:
Intro: Dsus4, D
Verse, Chorus: D, F#m, Em, Gm (repeat)
Bridge: A or A7

Lahat tayo'y mayro'ng pagkakaiba
Sa tingin pa lang ay makikita na
Iba’t ibang kagustuhan
Ngunit isang patutunguhan

Gabay at pagmamahal ang hanap mo
Magbibigay ng halaga sa iyo
Nais mong ipakilala
Kung sino ka man talaga

Chorus:
Pinoy, ikaw ay Pinoy
Ipakita sa mundo
Kung ano ang kaya mo
Ibang-iba ang Pinoy
Wag kang matatakot
Ipagmalaki mo
Pinoy ako, Pinoy tayo

'Pakita mo ang tunay at kung sino ka
Mayro’n mang masama at maganda
Wala namang perpekto
Basta magpakatotoo

Gabay at pagmamahal ang hanap mo
Magbibigay ng halaga sa iyo
Nais mong ipakilala
Kung sino ka man talaga

Repeat Chorus

Bridge:
Talagang ganyan ang buhay
Dapat ka nang masanay
Wala ring mangyayari
Kung laging nakikibagay
Ipakilala ang 'yong sarili
Ano man sa 'yo'y mangyayari
Ang lagi mong iisipin
Kayang kayang gawin

Repeat Chorus

2006-05-17T23:59:00.000+08:00

Day 3
Part 2: Rest and Relaxation

Date: 17th May 06, about 1200 hours.

After the slum areas we went to the "Boulevard". It was a nice quaint place where the local people spend their time relaxing.

Upon arrival we saw some young boys with only their underwear on jumping into the river in absolute joy. Playtime for these kids. They were great swimmers. I guess back home, if I were to do that, i wouldn't have gotten parents' approval. (anyway there are no rivers in Singapore to jump, maybe Singapore river, but u kena fined).

Looking at the boys here, and comparing them to our kids who have to endure the complexations of the rat race back home, who is more fortunate?

While watching, our phil hosts brought juice and some purple cake along for refreshments. Their juice comes in packets which are designed to be poked with a straw, however there is no slot for straw, you just either poke it using the sharp end of the straw through the front end where the packet is slanted, or you poke it via the base like i do. Once the juice is sucked out the packet collapses into a flattened piece of rubbish. Quite environmental-friendly.

We then made our way to the basket ball court nearby where a throng of young bystanders had gathered to watch some teens play ball. Well this "national fervour" thing caught members of our team (yes guys) and soon we were having Singapore vs Philippines in one friendly basketball game.

... and of course, we lost. I didn't play - the phil players were simply too nimble and they knew the game well. and i could obviously see them deliberately slowing down in a gesture of friendliness, for our team members. one by one our team members dropped out, either in exhaustion or, in the case of Stephen, because he sprained his ankle. Yep and they had to find some ice to ease the swelling.

but all in all, we had some good times with the people there. these people surely know what's the meaning of fun. or maybe they don't know the meaning of work like we do.

which is fortunate.

we left the place and headed back for lunch at the TLDC, then it was time for some R&R on your own. some people chose to sleep.

we had to pack up by 4pm and leave TLDC for the Buenos Aires Mountain Resort (BAMR), which was to be our 2nd place of stay. and so we went.

the journey there took at least a good hour, with marvellous scenery along the way. well most people fell asleep anyway. along the way dad smsed me from Singapore, asked me how i was, and that they were celebrating mum's birthday back home. ahhhhh how could i have forgotten.

before we reached BAMR, we passed by the Lousiana High School, where we were to build our study room, our main focus in coming here. we went in and saw, and that the infrastructure was already nicely done for us by the workmen, but there's all there is to it. no school that day.

when we reached BAMR, it was just at the foot of the mountain. ah. this is one place everyone wants to slack out their days in peace - there were numerous chalets on the mountain itself, we were staying at four of their best at the foot, where about six stalls were situated on the floor below our chalets, selling the local produce, tidbits, and alcohol. there was a stall also selling roasted chicken-on-a-stick (whatever they call it), the local delicacy.

we split into 3 groups, each of 7. the phil hosts took the fourth chalet. my chalet had me, jingwen, louis, grace, zhaoyuan, ernest tay, janus.

living conditions was the best - we had warm water for bathing, there were aircon in individual rooms, as well as fan, and each room had a veranda for well, anything. we set up clotheslines for hanging clothes and i washed my first set of clothes from TLDC with clear instructions from grace.

half of the party also went to the nearby swimming pool - the water is from the nearby waterfall and it is damn cold - everyone was jumping inside the pool. the pool is about 2.5 m deep - i can't touch the ground at the far side, which is cause for alarm. and i didn't bring my goggles so i was just trapping water in one of my shorter shorts.

the rest of the group (with ernest wee) went to the nearby waterfall for some relaxation, i heard some of them lost their slippers in the fast torrents of water.

we had dinner after that, and our first facilitation session - some personality thing where you ans qns then you are given some personality - grape, orange, banana etc. quite charming i thought, and quite true.

more washing up of clothes, bathing, and sleeptime soon came.

2006-05-17T12:00:00.000+08:00

Day 3
Part 1: Slums

Date: 17th May 06

Well woke up today again. Nothing much. Breakfast, then we quickly loaded the stuff that we wanted to give to the slum children and off we went. Reached the area about 10 am.

We were shuttled into a room that looks like a schoolhouse-nursery before anything else. Well we had attracted alot of curious bystanders, and our phil hosts put our safety before anything else, lest we get mugged or anything.

As one of our team members put it when she had experienced first-hand in Bombay: "there's this slum in Bombay that literally kills you when you step in, they rob you until there's nothing left, then they kill you." rumoured to be the biggest slum in asia or the world, something like that.

Gulp. meishan told us not to bring anything along, so i left everything including my wallet, my wristwatch and hp in the TLDC. means no pictures.

basically we had about 7-9 boxes of clothing as donations to be given to the slum people. They were given coupons, of which they could exchange a set of clothing each with one coupon. They were shuttled via a narrow doorway, the only door that led into the schoolhouse. The stronger guys formed a human corridor (about 4 of them, 2 flanking each side) that tried to control the crowd and prevent a mass stampede, while the rest arranged themselves into 2 groups and gave out clothing.

well... in accordance with one of the team members' verdict during the debrief, it was a mess. the clothing wasn't really classified, it was just classified into Adult Male, Adult Female and Child, without any other further specifications. so you can have things like 12-yr old kids getting baby clothing. but of course we try as much to prevent that by matching the clothing we give out with the respective clientele that we see, as in babies we give them some baby clothing, grandmothers we give them grandmother's clothing, etc. but that took some time and hence dampened efficiency.

i was in charge of unpacking the stuff (as were with the rest) and helping to control the crowd by ushering those people who had taken something out asap. Rule of thumb: you can't have more than one group (i.e. one family) of people inside, i think the concern is to prevent them from charging in once they see too many people huddled inside there.

while we were unpacking the stuff, some of the slum people (the hooligan type from 10-15 years old, male) stared at us from window panes and made some noises that i could not decipher. rude people! basically they were making this repetitive noise, very loudly and rudely, and gesturing to stuff on our selves, like some of them had taken a liking to my "Ray-bans" (my tinted transition glasses), some of our caps, etc. initially i responded a bit but then Bong, one of the hosts, told me to ignore them. hmmm.

well.. if this was a different situation i would have shown them the finger... don't ask for too much kids. and anyway we were also sort of being surrounded so i thought twice about it.

(for the record, i didn't show any fingers, i think? during this trip. some record.)

after all the people with the coupons left, there were still some extra, so meishan asked them to form one queue and take one piece of clothing per person. after all, some people might just forget their coupons here and there.

gulp, well ms was definitely asking for more trouble.. but well heck it. we saw some people coming for more, a second time, maybe a third, but we could do nothing to control them. can't expect to remember and screen everyone's faces when there' like 50-60 people outside waiting.

then we gave out our clothing until the last few pieces.. before we gave the last one out we evacuated all our men standing outside, especially glynsen (official photographer with the SLR camera), our phil hosts, into the schoolhouse, and shut the door on them.

it was quite... well. to hear people knocking behind the door, in fact feel people knocking behind the door. heart-wrenching was not the word i had in mind, more like scared. we were after all being besieged.

after the knocking dissipated our phil hosts graciously offered to show us around the slum area, and we split into two groups (probably for safety's sake). basically, those talk that mum and dad have of their childhood years come alive now, those kampung houses stand tall and firm on not-so-firm soil (the area is flooded when it's high tide, and the paths we walked through are actually streams). there is a nice well, pentagonal in shape, that smacks so much of village life. poultry ran all over the place. basically, the paths are sometimes covered with shit (dung), some dried and assimilated into the path where i had the misfortune to step on some. human shit? chicken shit? whatever. the paths were also covered with this shiny-looking thing, like pieces of glitter, which on further asking our phil hosts, confirmed that it was probably minerals which had washed onto the soil from the river. interesting.

wasn't very interesting though. the slums were better off that i thought, i saw one house with a little girl watching television, apparently that's their favourite pastime, or national pastime in phil. despite the living conditions, they do hold themselves proud here.

yup, we then went back to the schoolhouse area. they have a basketball pole next to the schoolhouse, i think someone donated it. apparently that's their national sport.

we left the slums at around 12pm, after taking a group picture and getting surrounded by all the cheeky cute little children. hmm. one thing: i observed very very few people of our age. where did they go?

i guess this operation was quite successful, in terms of 1) safety and 2) the efficiency, although i think we can improve on that much better.

One thing was the necessity of this entire thing: did we actually need to give them these clothes? Did we help them at all, in fact. While on my pre-trip tasks to find a logistics company to bring all these stuff there, the “boss” of the company remarked that he would his countrymen (he’s a Filipino) receive books rather than clothes (in fact he was quite shocked when we gave them clothes). “what use are clothes? What they need now are books, to educate them… clothes they can just sell…” that got me thinking.

Well, what exactly do these slum people need? A way out of poverty, I guess. But I don’t think receiving clothes doesn’t make them any closer to that goal. or do they not need anything at all?

2006-05-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

Day 2
Part 2: Sightseeing around Bago City

Date: 16 Jun 06, after lunch (1300 onwards)

after lunch (in the TLDC) we had to move to the Bago City College (BCC) for our first performance, as well as give out textbooks to the students over there.

yes, while i and brenda was having our great bago city sale in the market, the other not-so-fortunate members of bhbh2 have had to practice dance moves after they finish sorting out the stuff. our signature bhbh2 dance by zhaoyuan!

yep, though it wasn't very nicely done as it should be, nevertheless it was quite well executed, from the viewpoint of a person who has practised it only once.

louis had an idea and he wanted to bring out our chingay dance which him, i, jingwen and grace executed to the great appreciation of all those who saw it. ha. singaporeans and our phil hosts do know how to appreciate a branded dance. (not saying zy's dance is... well, nvm)

went to bago city college, got some speech, then we danced our bhbh2 dance, then followed by chingay dance, plus some nice performances the people there have for us. one such performance is what i call the "bench dance", i.e. a couple basically dances on a slender wooden bench (used for sitting people), and involves the guy lifting the gal and placing her on his other side at times (e.g. the gal is on the guy's left side, then he lifts her by the waist and puts her on his right side). all on the bench. marvellous.

Bago City College, with ernest tay and grace posing to someone.

Standard lecture theatre, we occupied the first row and waited for the other bago city college people to come in. on the extreme right was the teachers.

then there was this "fashion show" which we had to perform. rather lame, those type where u perform during cultural activities or Friendship Day, where nuanxin will read stuff showcasing the four different races, basically we got the city look, the army look, chinese, malay (that's me), indian, plus some other cultures like jap, viet, burmese, etc. not to slam u nuanxin.. but i think it's lame

after the performance and the giving of books we had a short interaction with the students. found out that, in fact, many crave for these books that we had previously.. discarded. they were of the same age group as us: early 20s, and most of them are plagued by bgrs. typical.

went to tour the college after that.. well the impression was that it looked like a secondary school here.. or a primary school as someone brought out. very run-down, without proper facilities. thank god that singapore's schools are much much better off than that. but other than the facilities, the spirit of the students are pretty much the same - what bothers them now, i.e. results, studies, girlfriends - are probably what bothers us. of course life is made easier for us when you don't have to worry about dropping out of sch (for most) and that you don't have to work in your dad's paddy fields after study (well, maybe in genki sushi).

find the red button for me.
don't worry, there's another alarm in the history section of the central library that says "dummy bell" in NUS...

computer lab that BHBH1 helped to set up. computers are courtesy of Crescent Girls School, Primary.

went to the Bago City Hospital (BCH) after that. the BCH is located along the main road and its quite a stone throw's away from the college. (fyi TLDC is located along the main road as well, we can occasionally hear ambulance sirens). They have two wings: one old, one new, not enough medical staff, and beds. Probably most of their diagnostic stuff is also not accurate (as winnie discovered at a later date).

The old wing is.. very old. Needs a makeover, probably the looks of Singapore's General Hospital. The old one. It is quite small, about slightly larger than a clinic of Singaporean standards. Reception room is not crowded - i think they see common ailments somewhere else. According to the nurse there there are only 5 doctors in BCH, and i don't see any of them around when we visit. probably very busy. There are only about one or two wards, with a maternity room, guess that's about it.

The new wing has just been complete, and it links to the old wing via some corridor. Some parts are still not done - workers can be seen drilling here and there in a room. Two storeys, mainly an extension of wards, enough to occupy 50 people as what the nurse said. So far, i only see one patient around though. Beds and everything are not put into place yet, i guess its still not very functional. There is a collection of OTs around, about 4, but obviously they are not used as we, a bunch of about 25, can trample upon the relative tranquility of the "sterile" area. Guess that's because of the lack of the proper operating facilities there and that there's only one surgeon around. In fact, all (non-life-threatening?) operations are directed to Bacalod's hospitals, about 20km drive away.

After visiting the hospital we were scheduled to go to the museum, but then i had an "aura" and so requested to stay in the vehicle. Afraid that it might be too hot, ms and andy bade me to rest in the TLDC, with andy accompanying me along.

The rest of them had better activities like a ride down the river... they returned at around 1800 hours, we had dinner. Meishan, louis and jingwen went especially to buy watermelons, and a special noodle soup (which looks deliciously like sharksfin) for my enacimated self. Owe them one for that. Yup the whole group was wondering what the hell happened to their logistics head and i was like showered with too many "how are you?"s. well. Nothing much to do after dinner, kept nuaing, people wanted to bathe, and we played jenga and "polar bear".

My dinner, 2nd day. Sharks fin soup (forgot the actual name).
Very salty.

Jenga challenge while waiting to go bathe.

Playing Polar Bear in the other room.

In retrospect...

Hmm... i guess that i'm really thankful for Singapore's excellent medical facilities... when i asked Joseph, the medic from phil that accompanied us, he said that there are epilepsy patients in phil.. but the epilepsy is often not controlled via proper medication. one thing is that medication here is expensive - one carbamazepine pill costs about S$1/S$2 and it comes in those large satchets - about twice or thrice the price of it here. economies of scale as you might cruelly put it. Also, the state of the hospital as compared to ours is very dismal, and i wonder if life-threatening cases like heart attacks or strokes come in, will the staff be able to cope? Or when any epidemic / major disaster strikes?

The schools, as seen by the college (which is equivalent to our university), thirst for education. Education in phil isn't very good - they have one of the highest student to teacher ratio: 45:1., which means the student's learning abilities will be diminished. And that is primary school, which is compulsory, i think it gets worse in secondary school, about 55:1. Basically due to a lack of schoolteachers. As for college, they do not have courses like chemistry or medicine or life sciences, but more practical stuff like law (for policeman) and nursing.

I guess well? are we lucky to be more exposed to more discliplinary areas then? or should something be done?

2006-05-16T12:00:00.000+08:00

Day 2
Part 1: Market Day

Date: 16th May 06

Woke up to the spartan outdoors of the TLDC and witnessed the early morning sights of the philippines. It was beautiful, for once there were no highrise buildings around. It also meant that other than the four walls of the TLDC, there were no where else to go.

Morning is very early in phil - the sun rises at 0600 exactly and the cockerel makes its morning song about then. Thought i wouldn't make it for breakfast but got blinded by the sun's rays at 0600. man, i thought it was already 0800. breakfast was simple and consisted of rice, scrambled eggs, bacon, about that. quite salty and filling.

surrounding the TLDC was the Manuel E Torres Sports Centre, some stadium-like thingy. I should think it's the only one in Bago City, i've never seen any other stadium since. there's a running track, soccer pitch and all the exercise/training stations like pullup bar. there was also this women's and children's nutrition centre or what, i didn't really know.

after breakfast we were to unpack all our donations as ordered by meishan and sort them out into clothes, books, toys, and other paraphenelia. halfway through i got dragged off by ms to "procuere supplies" for the group, i.e. soap, toilet paper, detergent, etc.

Market scene in Bago City. Lots of tricycles that gave you a ride for 6 pesos (P6) x number of stops.

went with mama remia and brenda to the nearby (ok, about 1 km away) bago city market. the place wasn't big, with a collection of stores for about 2-3 streets selling all kinds of stuff from chicken lassos to drugs (pharmacies), phil handphone top-up cards and cakes. Went to their wet market, same smell as the wet market here. Basically it felt like mum bringing me and my little sister out to the jurong east market, heh, only thing was i had one eye on my two companions and two eyes on my wallet. yes, i had to pay first.

went to this place called Ding's minimart and bought stuff like toilet paper, bottled water, soap, extra toiletries, some wash-basins for washing clothes, detergent, etc. something like your NTUC minimart, only more run-down. noticed that they sore stuff differently here - they sell in much more smaller packets, as described in the marketing lectures for those not-so-affulent countries. Ice is sold as well, like water, in waterbomb-sized packets. They sell sugar in brown and white forms, except that the packaging doesn't really look like much, one single transparent packet, and well to the analytical chemist's eye it looks like...

Brenda and Mama Remia (covered partly) buying tape for wrapping the Mayor's present.

Despite the backwardness of it all, i found out that they have a wide assortment of snacks and biscuits that everyone loves, we bought some - and a wide assortment of alcohol too - the local Tanduay Rum and other products. In fact when we were at the checkout counter the local women were buying like 5-6 bottles of rum (250ml) at one shot. Either they have a serious alcoholic problem here, or they might be selling the stuff.

We went to the market too for other stuff like getting top-up cards: in phil to call anywhere using your hp without a plan (who has a plan for 18 days?!?) you use top-up cards, which are worth P300 ($10). these stuff are hot cakes, wenyi was asking for one today, and another the next (heh. bfs) - apparently they last only only about 10-15 minutes for overseas calls.

I got myself a pair of slippers, but they were too small, i found that out when i reached the TLDC. so the driver jun had to fetch me and poor mama reima back to change the slipper. so paiseh.

enjoyed shooting away with my digital camera at their market scenes, there's a lot of visuals around, much to the amusement (and annoyance) of mama reima and brenda.

2006-05-15T23:59:00.000+08:00

Day 1 - Leaving on a Jet Plane

Date: 15 May 06

woke up 0530. yawnz.

morning: went to changi airport via mrt wih nx.. reached there at 0715 to find ms nagging at us again. yeah.. need to tag the luggage but dun need to nag right?? sigh.

caught akanksha's and shaila's bfs, as well as ew's "new" gf. very sweet of all of them to send their respective lovers off. haha. saw some family members like jw's and zy's mums too.

check in, dilly-dally here and there and soon it was 0940.. time to fly off to manila! quite nice, i'd always love the GREAT check-in area of CA!!! Wowee. too bad open to transit passengers only, and we have only about 30 minutes to zip to our Gate.

Sat on philippine airlines PR502, with sisters YuTing and wenyi (wengz?) looking at some queen latifah movie. service was good, but no cards - why?

1320 hrs: touched down on manila - ninoy aquino airport. must say that while the airport is quite clean, their customs services isn't too efficient. lots of guards around, checks, and signs saying philippines is bird flu free, no bomb jokes, and quarantine your animals. oh yes they have this "footbath" thingy which is supposed to ward off bird flu but i dun see any pools of water around so i guess this sign must have been around for years and nobody bothered. or we were also speculating that the yucky carpets that welcomed us down into the customs areas IS the footbath. but well...

a slight pause at the transit area of the airport. quite sucky.. we explored the stores, mainly nothing.. janus got ripped off by a toilet cleaner for a tip of S$5 = 150 pesos!! tried their foot-long sausage, some donuts from chien hao and a enormous pao. was feeling quite sated after the entire feast..

took some pics too.. go see in my gallery. blogger doesn't really approve of uploading pics...

took a pic with grace and xiao ji ji...

SO CUTE RIGHT!! no, not grace. not the xiao ji ji. me. ahahhahhahahhahahah. i looked like i just booked out..

me, grace and janus' xiao ji ji. so cute right!!

touched down at bacalod about 1800-1900 hours.. flight was delayed. domestic flight so no airway bridge, u gotta use leg power on the tarmac. bacolod airport is quite pathetic, a one-storey building with a 2-3 storey control tower and a arrival area that looked like a cockfighting pit. collected our luggage while trying to fend off the porters.

went outside the building and welcoming us was this matronly woman, (Mama) Reima. (pronounced as re-mier). sat in 3 cars and we sped to bago city under cover of night.

the way to bago city was quite desolate by singaporean standards, like somewhere along old changi village road, only that we were going at 80-100 kmh. there were no lights around, no street lamps and our driver just blared the horn with all his might. seem like they drive like bats around here. it feels like those "which part of malaysia am i in" feeling.

reached bago city at about 2030 hours. the mayor and all the big shots of bago city were already there. so paiseh to walk in and found out that they've been waiting for us all along. after the formalities (speech, etc) we ate.. quite a feast. they had roast suckling pig and alot of other stuff (which i can't eat very much cos i was too full from my internal transit feast.. sigh) yeah ate a pittance only.

after the feast and all.. drove about short distance to TLDC (technology learning and development center) where it will be our quarters for the next 3 days.

tried to sleep in the 21-bed dormitory (with fans) but found it too hot and too many mozzies flying around, and i didn't have any DEET (mozzie repellent), so just retreated like gavin, wengz, yt, and Our Dear Leader did to the comfort of the aircon room. end of day 1.

2006-05-14T23:59:00.000+08:00

The next few entries will be of my life in philippines.. will take some time to put up.. meanwhile enjoy!!

2006-05-12T22:35:00.000+08:00

Timeline for the next 2.5 months (until i start schooling)

Friday, May 12: typing this.
May 13: final briefing for bhbh2.
May 14: mother's day.
May 15: departure to bago city via Manila. approx eta: dinnertime.
May 16: Preparation of donation of books to Bago City college and interaction session.
May 17: Going to Lousiana National High School.
May 17-19: Study room construction.
May 20: Summer Youth Camp at Buenos Aires Mt. Resort.
May 21: Attend sunday mass (!) visit to Bacolod (city)
May 22-23: resume construction of study room.
May 24: Donations to "rose" neighbourhood, more construction.
May 25-27: more construction.
May 27: visit to Kipot Twin Falls, Rafael Salas Park and Nature Center, and Philippines Lan shop to check results
May 28: Homestay
May 29: Touch up of construction
May 30: Day care centre visit - programmes with children!! Open our study room
May 31: Visit to Espinos Elementary School, feed the children with vitamins.
June 1: Arrival back home at 1545 hours.

June 2 - June 23: continued planning, collection of Data for FOCC.
June 24 / 26: dry run.
June 27 - July 2: finalisation of FOCC.

July 3 - July 6: FOCC

July 7 - Orientation week: slacking and helping alvin plan for FOW

O week: FOW

Week 1: hit the books. sad life~

2006-05-12T18:56:00.000+08:00

The Level of Friendship

Level 0: Strangers

Both of you don't know each other's names even though you might have met somewhere before, talked before, or performed an event with each other before.

Level 1: Acquantainces

You know the other person, the other person may or may not know you. When both of you meet, there is no greeting, but a silent acknowledgement (may not be mutual) of each other's presences.

Level 2: Hi-bye friends.

Both of you know each other. You may still remember each other's names, but it takes a moment for you to do so. When both of you meet, there is a "hi" or a "bye" spoken, nothing much.

Level 3: Superficial

Both of you know each other. You may still remember each other's names, but it takes a moment for you to do so. When both of you meet, you ask about superficial things like "have you eaten?" or "how was the test on friday?", which, hopefully can lead to greater conversations but never did.

Level 4: Associates

Both of you know each other and can recall each other's names. You address each other by original names, or by surnames. When both of you meet, you ask about things regarding a certain topic of interest common to both of you, e.g. about business or work, or "have you studied for your maths test?" Conversation is polite and formal- may run into some dead space sometimes. The time that you spend with each other may be long or short, but you wish that you would spend time with someone else had you a better choice.

Level 5: Friends

Both of you know each other, and can recall each other's names instantly. You address each other by original names, or by the name that you wish the other person to call you. There is a slight bond between the two of you. Conversation topics would probably include things familiar with the both of you, or with one person only. Generally a little help will be extended to each other in times of need by the other party, and both of you feel comfortable with each other around.

Level 6: Good Friends

Both of you know each other well, and other than name, can recognise some other aspects of each other, e.g. birthday, partner, other friends, etc. You address each other by the name that you wish the other person to call you, or by a nickname for some. You see each other quite often. There is a definite bond between the two of you. Conversation topics are wide, and would probably include many familiar events and most everyday events. Help will generally be extended to each other in times of need by the other party, and both of you feel happy with each other's company.

Level 7: Clique

Both of you know each other very well, in fact, some attributes of each other become the recognising factor (i.e. he or she is recognised for her birthday on March 27). You tell each other everything that can be told to anyone else (i.e. except secrets). You address each other by a nickname, otherwise by a shortform of the name. You see each other almost every day. Both of you think of one another when you want to perform an activity together, and are in each other's evoked set. There is a intimate bond between the two of you - you feel like both of you are in an inner circle of trust. Conversation topics are wide, are tailored to what both of you likes. Both you talk about anything under the sun, and would probably extend to secretive topics like emotional issues. Help will definitely be extended to each other in times of need by the other party. Both of you feel extremely happy with each other's company, and feel that the other party has the power to cheer them up sometimes.

Level 8: Buddy

Both of you know each other inside out, except for the most intimate secrets. You address each other by a nickname, otherwise by a shortform of the name - the nickname may be derogatory, but you don't mind. You see each other almost every day, if not, probably think of each other sometimes. Both of you think of each other as among the first choices when making an activity together, that requires a certain level of risk and involvement. Both of you trust each other completely. Conversation topics are wide, and extends to even secrets, and are tailored to the frequency of each other. And should either of you meet problems of whatsoever kind, the other party will be most willing to help, and will help till the end. Both of you feel extremely happy with each other's company, and feel that the other party makes their day.

Level 9: Soulmate

This is the ultimate level of friendship.

Both of you know each other inside out, until there is nothing to hide between the two of you. You address each other by a degoratory nickname, or simply acknowledge other's presence. You see and think of each other almost every day, it would be a shame if both of you weren't lovers. Both of you think of each other as the first choice when making an activity together, that requires the maximum level of risk and involvement. Both of you trust each other completely. Conversation topics are wide, but sometimes you don't even need to communicate, you already know what the other side's thinking. And should either of you meet problems of whatsoever kind, the other party will be most willing to help, and will help till the end, even if it means sacrificing anything on his side. Both of you feel blessed that you have each other's company, and should this friendship be broken, it will be a grievious loss to both sides.

2006-05-12T18:47:00.000+08:00

Outburst

sigh. i dunno why, sometimes when desperation sets into me, i just feel like lashing out. adrenaline sucks, cortisol sucks.

its those situations when you feel like there's no way out - there's only one way that you can do it and somehow that way is unavailable to you.

a rational person will sit down, think and try to work another way, possibly a compromise, into the situation.

a desperado will panic and scream, and probably claw his way out to freedom.

i haven't been a desperado for very long. but when you feel the increasing desperation setting in - the cortisol building up with the stress, and the increased adrenaline flowing in your system to actually help you think, but no, it makes you more frightened.

then you do something that you will regret in the near future.

that sucks.

2006-05-11T20:33:00.000+08:00

What are my demands?? I demand world peace and love!!

a thief in my room???

the balaclava - standard issue for Siberian grunts, bank robbers, would-be thieves, with AK-47s, half the Counterstrike skins, Rainbow Six NPCs - for headgear in the not-so-distant past. now, it has become a symbol of fear.

Pre-trip thoughts

Today went out with louis to get a bag / haversack / backpack for my trip to The Philippines. got a balaclava for $3.5 and a penknife for $4.5 at The Army Market..

The balaclava is for sleeping (yes, in case there are freaking mosquitoes there) and while its not currently in fashion due to the infamy caused by that #$%^&*&^%$er Osama Bin Laden, it can still be re-used for fright night. There are no black balaclavas for sale though and what i bought was the last one. Seems like it really has gone out of vogue.

One way to get a minimum of 10 laser sights coming from fully-loaded mp5 submachineguns held by red-beret police officers wearing full body kevlar armor and helmet: wear the balaclava in the airport. ok, not funny. kids dont try this, at home or anywhere.

How do i use the thing for sleeping? Well. since it covers the head entirely, with a blindfold, long-sleeved shirt, gloves, track pants and socks, no mosquito should be able to get my skin other than via the nostrils. muhahahhaha.

Oh yes, the penknife cannot be brought onto the plane. mustn't forget. damn those terrorists.

Decided to bring clothing for 06 x days to PP. They said can wash the clothing. Toothpaste, toothbrush, soap toiletries etc can buy over there, so don't need to bring. Oh yes, don't forget the drugstore: my medicine for 20 days, some Panadol, Clarityne for running nose, some charcoal for diarrhoea, no sleeping pills though.

Entertainment: one pack of cards, one recorder, one x mp3 player (still thinking of whether to bring it there), the rest of the group. Was thinking of bringing my book of e-tales there but decided against it. No guitar - too bulky. My precious laptop is not leaving Singapore either.

Sigh. i think i'll prob get homesick very fast, since i've not stepped out of the country for like, 5-6 years. Being stripped of basic amentities such as clean water and my laptop sucks. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is like totally gone - no electricity sometimes. well. that's outfield.

wonder if i'll be able to sleep there? i can't even sleep here well in Singapore. darn.

i'd wish i'd get back to Singapore here asap. it's like, so many things are gonna happen to focc during the 18 days that i'll be away, and it's a shame for me not to see it and perhaps provide some ideas. not that my ideas are absolute: some of them are totally crappy... well i think yuantai should be able to handle it...

thus said, i've been handling much of the programme stuff like a dictator.. well i think i should have more autonomy, but well its just too bad that i have only 10-12 days to 'settle everything' and fly off to pp. And i must really credit joy, huilin and charmaine for putting in so much effort on my team, as well as yuantai, co-head in programme. progress is good, i can safely say we're probably halfway done. i guess a good part of the ideas that will eventually be put to use will be from these people.

still totally blur of what to do and expect from philippines... suddenly i just wanna do focc all these holidays. it feels like i just wanna bang straight into a brick wall... as i had done so many times.

one third of the hols gone after i come back.

2006-05-09T14:54:00.000+08:00

.... and more FOCC

Woke up yesterday (monday) and went to FOCC meeting with yuantai, joy, hui lin and one yr 3 senior, yaozong, who helped out in the camp i went to last year.

it was kinda refreshing for yaozong to share his ideas with us, esp from the side of the fright night. from his two years of "fright night planning experience" he could tell us which tactics work, and which don't at all. which was quite ironic cos he had personally never been to a fright night before. =)

managed to finalise day 1 by today - the events are mostly done with, finalised. not that there are alot of events anyway. most of the time was spent discussing and revamping the fright night. manpower slash from 26 originally to 11, which is a great feat.. haha. Must get 11 really daring souls inside then.

hmm.. original plan was to have about 10 seniors + 6-7 fright night helpers etc = 16 guys.

anyway.

have to brief the OGLs, the PFs, the GMs, the Medics, the logistics stuff.. which means more more proposals to type out.. groannnnn

ha. something interesting happened when i came back from nus. took the bus 97 from nus back. bus 97 is supposed to turn right into town hall road (the vertical orange line) after emerging from the AYE (a tributary of the horizontal veins)

then i think between jurong town hall road and the AYE the bus broke down!!! in the middle of the road (you can see where the bus broke down: it went at the red * on the map) yup right there!!

firstly i tot the bus driver was damn inexperienced and he forgot to turn right into Jurong Town Hall road (and instead carried on to the other branch of the AYE entrance). then, phut. the engine went dead. The TV mobile went off and the whole bus suddenly went quiet. Then he restarted the engine. This went on for about 6-7 times before the frustrated bus driver just gave up and shucks, let the whole crew of passengers off.

Imagine stopping at this confluence point! This area jams like shit during rush hour (5-6pm). There were people coming up from Teban/Pandan area and seeing this monstrous bus blocking all 4 lanes of the road. People who wanted to turn right into Jurong Town Hall road to go back to jurong east also can't do so (there was only this small lane). Buses who wanted to go back into the AYE after dropping people at the cycle and carriage busstop also can't do so.

Well, luckily no one horned their asses off, i guess singaporeans are a quite understanding species. Especially when they know that area is known for jams.

Me? i got off the bus, and because my bus card was negative amount, just walked all the way back to central. quite an ok walk - 1 or 2 kms.

yup.. going to bugis' army market and concourse later to see what the hell we can find for bhbh2 and FN. then try to make it tonight, finalise FN, help yt and joy finalise their stuff so we can call like Day 2 of the camp settled and half of day 3 settled too.

i wanna go out with someone.. haiz

2006-05-07T20:21:00.000+08:00

FOCC and more FOCC

sigh. its D-Day + 4 and i'm still in focc mode.

almost all the prelimary planning has been done already and a concrete plan is almost fashioned from the forge, yup we're just meeting over the next two days to finalise the plan and make everything work on paper... well if it can't even work on paper then we can eat shit...

Product development process:

1) company policy? yes
2) brainstorming? done that
3) idea selection? not enough to do so
4) finances
5) test drive
6) small-scale implementation
7) large-scale implementation

anyway.. i hope to make this proj a good one before i "retire" from fun.. well yea time to study seriously, like the others and edwin. i think i'm lagging. i hope i can get at least a 3.5 for my CAP score. bhbh2 and later on, this, have really been fun, but they are really distracting too.. was like 1/2 of my mind on focc, 1/2 of my mind on exams.. driving me crazy. can't sleep at night.

well.. what else to write? sat (yesterday) went out with leo and ws. we were talking about focc.. haha leo organising his with his tsb friends and having a great time as safety ic.. ws as dance ic.. again from because of some blood line thingy. and his excellent (hot) performance at tri fac bash.

then leo introduced me to this shit on youtube.. its called "hard gay"... yar its this fella in japan then he goes around and says "hard gay de neh!" and makes a fool out of himself, i think. likes young boys (gulp). we d/led a clip from the net and watched it on youtube in the apple mac shop in cineleisure, much to the displeasure of the staff there and the amusement of the shoppers.

leo's full of shit.. seems like he's the next one to be hit by the youtube bug after choon han... got this series called "top car" or something like that where they introduce car after car and do funny shit with cars (like treat them like dodgems).

then we shared stuff about camp organising.. he got a manual for like safety instructions and he typed it out SAF-style, even the font used is Arial 12 and all the tabbing is in place. Annex A Dated 050506 written on the top right-hand corner. reminds me of all those dumb army days.

then there was this ice-breaker game which i think was ultimately hilarious: we christened it "the 50-cent game"

how to play: everyone is supposed to sit in a circle and one of the guys will be "it". then the rest take turns to ask "it" questions, but "it" can only give one answer to the question. the rest of the guys must refrain from laughing, if they do, they become the next "it".

demonstration:
Word: 50-cent coin

Q: What do you show to the shopkeeper in exchange for something worth 50 cents?
A: 50-cent coin
Q: What do you show to the shopkeeper in exchange for something worth 50 dollars?
A: 50-cent coin
Q: What do you brush your teeth with?
A: 50-cent coin
Q: What do you wear when you go and swim?
A: 50-cent coin
Q: What do you eat for lunch?
A: 50-cent coin

(then suddenly they think what the hell is this game about, u pom some rather obscene one)

Q: What do you use to dig your left nostril?
A: 50-cent coin
Q: What do you use to dig your right nostril?
A: 50-cent coin
Q: What do you put in your mouth, chew it, spit it out, and say "delicious!!"?
A: 50-cent coin
Q: How do you say "kiss my ass" in french?
A: 50-cent coin

...etc.

2006-05-02T15:45:00.000+08:00

Medication Use Process: 4 simple steps

Doctors: Prescribe

Assess need, select drug and regimen

Before: ask patients for DI (Drug interactions), DA (allergies) and CI (contraindications) as well as ensure appropriate drug.
DA: "u got any allergy or not?"
DI: "u got take any medicines before this??" + review drug history.
CI: review medical history.

Consider alternative therapies (but most docs don't do that... i wonder why.)

During: Check name, drug name, dose, quantity, frequency, route of admin. Write clearly.

After: watch out for any unprecented reactions, follow-up, review your drug booklets regularly

Pharmacists: Dispense

Before: check prescription for legality, ambiguity, correct drug --> correct illness and nice handwriting. Refuse if not met.
Make sure u key in the correct drug order to the correct patient profile. (Otherwise hong gan)
If the computer got say DA, DI, CI, etc, check for them and see if Doctor got miss out.
Refuse if so.
Type label: Make sure drug name, dose, frequency (instructions), quantity, name of patient, date, date of expiry, hospital/pharmacy name, serial no., other instructions blah blah blah all that the doctor writes in the Rx are all there. Paste your secondary labels also.
Paste correct label to correct drug container. (Otherwise hong gan, redo)
Before dispensing, CHECK correct drug with prescription, NOT label.

During: Ask the patient's name / NRIC / 11B / whatever.
Ask if patient has any DA. Inform prescriber if any
Check if patient is taking any medications, like TCM. May cause DI
Tell patient of drug, how to take it, and any adverse drug reactions (ADR). Ask patient to pay.
"OK this is carbamazepine, 200mg/tablet, the doctor already tell you to take 2 tabs in the morning and 3 tabs at night. May cause drowsiness. That will be $200"

Nurses: Administer

Take the correct medication chart for the correct patient.
Examine the prescription carefully, make sure everything is understood.
Make sure the doctor/pharmacist reviews a drug if it is being used for the first time.
Check for DA (usually nurses dun give a damn though. maybe chief nurses)
Check for 5 rights:
right drug
right dose
right route (of administration)
right patient
right time

Whack the medicine into the person... encourage them to express any discomfort or problems experienced during the administration (SCREAM!!!)

(Usually little children cry like hell, so for injections one way is to distract them with a sweet then ask their parents to hold them down.. then whack)

Inform the patient what the drug is used for (usually they don't), any adverse drug reactions, and tell them to report any ADR.

Record the drug into the patient's medication chart.

2006-05-02T15:39:00.000+08:00

Code of Ethics for a Pharmacist

1. Patient's health is first priority.

2. Strive to give best services to public.

3. There is such a thing called medical-in-confidence.

4. Reinforce the patient's trust and confidence as what is given to his colleagues.

5. Help others.

6. Make friends, respect their achievements.

7. Don't publicly criticise.

8. Don't snatch business.

9. Observe the law and don't be naughty.

10. Train your juniors.

11. Do CPD.

12. Do not do anything that "does not ensure your professional independence".

2006-05-01T20:01:00.000+08:00

Random Rantings

grr. i'm now alternating between periods of headaches / dizziness and periods of clear vision.

why can't i have a good brain like most people. instead something that crackles with sparks near the scarring tissue. damn. causing alot of headaches.

some asshole is sawing / drilling something in the floor above me.

no motivation to study...

haiz all my folks are out. delivered the color printer which my dad bought for me during my stay in hall. $300, to my fourth uncle. i wondered, since i already have a laser (black-and-white) printer outside, just keep this for now. it's been sitting underneath a desk for some time already.

instead of keeping it as a white elephant, why not lend it to them? hmm. well after all i didn't buy it, my dad did, and if he wanna give let him give.

hmm. wonder when i'll see it back again. my mum's not very pleased about this. the last time we lent something to them it came back ONLY when it was spoilt. and they didn't even tell us it was spolit. oh well, reasons for family squabbles...

grr. my mum reasons, since both fourth uncle and aunt are uni grads, why shouldn't they have the $$ to buy their own color printer. which makes sense.

mum thinks my dad's being too kind to his siblings. on the expense of us. well. i have no comment. i don't click very well with my fourth uncle's cousins either (primary sch to Sec 4)

godddamn it.. the fella upstairs has started drilling/screwing again, why not go and screw yourself.

2006-05-01T18:48:00.000+08:00

Labour Day, all right

woke up 10:15am and studied for pharm practice I. Sighs.

Some nice mnemonic: IVth CAR, 5 P's.

Roles of a pharmacist
I: Inform public about drug-related issues, teach, do community in-services, answer drug-related questions
V: Volunteer your ass off to health-related organisations.

C: encourage Compliance
A: Assist in chronic disease management
R: Recommend OTC / vitamins / herbs as alternative treatment.

P: read Prescriptions
P: manage Patient profile
P: counsel Patients
P: compound Pharmaceuticals
P: work with other health Professionals, e.g. TPN.

every neuron in my brain now wants to go to sleep. my eyes are closing. but i dun wanna go sleep cos that'll affect my sleep cycle... get insomnia again. horrible illness. torture. wait until 9-10pm.

Outlook for May:

1st: revise pr1103
2nd: go to YIH and camp, snipe next year pharmacy ORD students. and revise. ha
3rd: ORD lor!! sorry that was last year. D-Day!!!
4th: go and recee Changi chalets with focc and FN team. meeting
5th: meeting with EPs.
6th: meeting with bhbh2.
7th: (rest) maybe go buy supplies from beach rd.
8th: meeting.
9th: meeting.
10th-13th: ??? probably tie up bhbh2 / focc stuff
14th: mother's day and flyoff.
15th - 1st june: philippines volunteer project.

busybusybusy....

2006-04-29T17:26:00.000+08:00

Update on the situation...

LSM - 22 apr - DONE!!! hard paper. didn't study. nuff said.

marketing - 24 apr - DONE!!! easy paper. i went into exam hall half asleep, i hope the examiner recognises my handwriting.

SS - 27 apr - DONE!!! ok paper. full of crap. dragged out what was left of Sec 3 history in my brain + what i studied on 27 apr morning, and shot with gusto. wrote until right hand experienced muscle cramp. enough.

Physio - 28 apr - DONE... mcq was quite easy, i believe essay was quite easy too. just that i didn't prepare as well as i expected for neuro and reproduction. can hope to pass.

science of music - DONE WITH!! last test on 13 apr.

yay 5 modules out of 6 down...

last one - pharmacy practice I!!!!!! - 3 may!!!

still studying, dun feel like studying for this 4 days man. i feel so tired. i wanna sleep. zzz

yesterday celebrated xuanwei's birthday at pwktv with bx, xw, jw, grace, tp, yj and jevin. was great.

2006-04-23T13:21:00.000+08:00

Joan Chen

Woke up and saw the newspapers on Sunday and i devote my hour to writing about the fight of this girl, who's probably just like anyone of us in university, Joan Chen. Her story is featured in the Lifestyle section of the papers on Sunday, April 23, pages 6-7.

The story: Joan was in her second year of RJC last year when she discovered an ulcer on her tongue, but due to incoming examinations, she shrugged it off. It proved to be a serious mistake as the cancer was found to be Stage IV (malignant), one stage away from terminal cancer. Once this happens, the cancer metastasizes, i.e. spreads to the whole body and "there is no chance of a cure" as what her doctor said.

That was last christmas. Now, the fight is still going on, but around March 15 Joan called the ST (who then ran this story) saying that "she was no longer responding to chemotherapy" and that her only hope was medication, which was expensive and didn't help much. Immediately people from RGS/RJC and others help raised a total of $130k for her treatment.

There came a close call last week during Easter when she was rushed to hospital following breathing problems and that the doctor said "she was going to go either on Saturday or Sunday", and that her friends were told to get a funeral dress for her. However she survived Easter.

The moment i finished reading the two pages of this article, tears welled up in my eyes (not too much) and i asked, Why? She's a 20-year old with a good future - excellent CCA records and studies, as well as a place in NUS architecture. Why should her life end at this moment of her glory? So unfair. Life was never fair.

I admire her spirit, as what she wrote in her blog:

I have always been a fighter. Whenever i have a problem, i do not whine about it nor do i cry. Instead, i think of the best way to tackle the problem and put the solution into action.

I am a firm believer of the notion that as long as i try hard enough, nothing is impossible.

...If cancer wants a fight, i will take it on any time, any day...

http://www.funkygrad.com/think/displayarticle.php?artID=505&subcat=shout

And i compare it with my situation when i discovered the tumor in my brain. Same thing - cancer. But as compared to her, where did my courage went? I kept whining about the pain and not believing in reality, thinking that the whole thing was a simulated joke or something, and never knowing the graveness of the situation, that there was a chance that i may go myself once i step into the operating theatre.

Somehow, that all seemed so minor... I thank god that i'm alive and still kicking, having the time of my life, with all my wonderful friends and university life, and pursuing my dreams of being a pharmacist now.

I checked her blog, http://www.onlyskindeep.blogspot.com/. It is like this blog, like any other teenager's blog. Her fighting spirit is still going strong, all her friends are still rooting for her to go on. Among her wishlist: to get well.

I want to take this opporturnity to wish all of my friends to take good care of themselves, really take good care of yourselves. Sometimes health is a godsend that we take for granted, like what i discovered when i got sick a week before the exams. Appreciate and cherish your good health.
And take a moment, stop and glance around at the world, to help those with poorer health, do not abandon them in their times of need and suffering, to let them know that someone cares for them.

I also hope that for Joan, no matter what circumstances are to be presented in the following weeks/months, that somehow her fighting spirit perseveres, and she will "officially turn from cancer patient to cancer survivor". May God bless you.

2006-04-22T16:38:00.000+08:00

LSM1401 Exam

Didn't prepare much for this one, was quite shocked when i reached school, all the fellas had already ransacked the ivle forum for questions, checked this and answered that, and did a whole lot of other stuff that i simply just went "huh? did that happen? what's going on?"

about 70-80 of us were then crammed into the lobby that we were told to wait outside LS Lab 1 and 2.. making a hell lot of noise. impossible to get any last-minute revision inside

it wasn't necessary. the paper was a 20-pages, 60 mcqs paper... first question... stumped. ah this is an open book test right? ok.. flipped through the notes.. found some reference that somehow referred to the question.. made some judgements.. narrowed it down to two options.. "ok.. is it this one or that one??" darken oval. move on.

second question... stumped. what the freak is it talking about? grr..

most of the questions that were to come later had elongated question formats that forced you to digest information, OR rows and rows of DNA/RNA bases. Somehow into the first 15 minutes the seh sensation came back... i think question 8. Ok, took breathers between questions, relax, calm down. I'm going too fast. Or the questions are too taxing.

Somehow along the way i survived the initial massacre and proceeded to fight back, i think there was a stretch of questions along qns 20-25 that were quite straightforward and my answers were quite definite. but by that time i had skipped 3, 4 questions in a row - that kinda thing - cos some questions were linked. BIG patches of unanswered segments lay in the Optical Answer Sheet.

ok... reached page 18, qn 53. some voice: "you have 15 minutes left..." oh SHIT!! panic status activated: amazingly, the next 8 questions or so were relatively easier than the beginning.. so quickly scanned what the hell they were trying to talk about... but then let instinct rule the day... i.e. anyhow circle... anyhow circled the parts i missed out earlier, with any random answer.. argh. seriously began to think that i will screw this exam...

Finished the remaining 8 qns in record time.. adrenaline gives your brain a boost like nitro in Need For Speed... everything went blurry and the only thing i knew was me frantically trying to cross out options.. and trying to rectify if there were any mistakes that shouldn't be made...

"...time's up!" was it agony, to have the time to rectify one more question taken away, or was it relief, to have put the whole thing behind me?

2006-04-20T18:03:00.000+08:00

Sick (2)

grr... it's thursday, and i'm not feeling any better. sigh.

whole body feels like a sauna.

felt a 'sensation' when mugging for lsm (actually just reading thru) yesterday at about 5pm. the world started to spin... promptly went to sleep.

slept until 8pm. woke up with a headache and that nagging 'sensation', something bad was going to happen. the world felt so fake around me, when i touched my fingers with my other hand, it was as if those weren't my fingers. went back to lie again, eventually drifted off to sleep.

woke up again at 10:45 pm. eyes felt so painful and can't open. very sensitive to light. but felt a bit better, took a few mouthfuls of dinner, rested a while, but the pain was still there. wanted to go hospital but adopted a see-how attitude first. went back to sleep at 12am, tossed and turned but couldn't sleep.

gosh i don't know what happened to me man. tuesday i was still feeling fine. seems like the virus has unleashed its second salvo, more forceful than the first one. left me so tired, can't concentrate. i tried to read some protein notes - just reading - it was quite an effort. By simply glancing through one set of notes gave me such a headache. I still have carbo, lipid and 3 sets of cellular metab notes...

hmm.. at this rate i'm gonna screw my LSM, but most worrying is the marketing exam on Monday. no open-book, 3 essays.

sighz.

2006-04-18T08:45:00.000+08:00

Sick

Woo.. in my systemic there is now:
400mg of carbamazepine
10ml of Dhasedyl syrup (woo.. makes you seh)
250 mg of Amoxycillin
500 mg of Acetaminophen
10 mg of Phenylephrine HCl
caffeine equivalent to a tablespoonful of coffee mix
milo
lotsa other stuff.

woke up today to found out that i couldn't breathe through my nose... yes the whole thing was jammed, like a clogged drain. went to the bathroom and sneezed the hell out, it must have felt like a hurricane inside my internal nares. well at least got most of the @#$% white, sticky, slimy, viscous mucilage out, and i can breathe through my nose again. ha. but i think i sneezed too forcefully, that something's stuck in my ear now and i can't hear a thing in my right ear. damn.

life in mono.

thank god i didn't sneeze out bloody phelgm, man.

going to recce pasir ris in this state about 2 hours from now. not much revision done today. i'm trying to finish promotions strategy, price strategy and product strategy today, AND sleep bfore 10pm, seems like that won't be done.

a very good friend of mine has widely announced that she had spent SEVEN days to finish ONE chapter of ONE module. I said to her: well done. keep it up, for, i think you've got much more terrain to cover in the next FIVE days. hope she can catch up, with another good friend of mine, whom they are always seen together.

another good friend of mine (in fact, many of them) spend their days studying in a small alcove outside her house, in relative comfort and peace. i hope she does well.

more good friends of mine are preparing to mug their hearts away in the Cold Library of Hon Sui Sen. LSM for them. wun be joining you guys anytime soon.

and yet some good friends of mine, very good friends, are relaxing their asses off. grrr. well what to do. i guess they've earned their keep while we were "relacing" away in March. *salute* so near, and yet the schedules don't match, what the hell.

so stressed am i. since april i've been neglecting everything else, trying to cram what's left of Marketing, SS and Physio into my tiny little hippocampus. Before this, two modules was the limit in my read-only memory. shit.

so scared i will.. suffer another relapse like Anatomy. i think that time i had a febrile seizure. very scared of these kinda infections; minor flu -> major flu -> sore throat -> phelmgic -> cough -> fever. what comes next?

bringing LSM to study on the long train journey to Tampines. yes, i'm gonna recce the Changi chalets. *yawns*

2006-04-17T00:15:00.001+08:00

Physio Hangman

Hey guys, a site i accidentally googled while searching for "motor pathways". Contains some (not-so-interesting) games. May help if u are studying your heads off for physio, like me.

href="http://www.studystack.com/hangman-3692">http://www.studystack.com/hangman-3692

apparently they got more than female hormones, too.

Sigh.. screwed for LSM, hope the textbook will pull me through
Screwed for marketing, i haven't touched any thing about it yet...
Screwed for SS.. hope i can get a C+ for it.. then can s/u
Screwed for physio cos the paper is 1 day after SS
Screwed for pharm prac, haven't touch any thing about it yet either.

How screwed am i?? Take the test.

2006-04-14T12:42:00.000+08:00

Of overlords and zerglings

this is an interesting site for those of you fantasy people and those aspiring to be pretty bad characters. courtesy of xin ran.

http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html

its good friday today and i'm mugging with yuantai in the central lib... sienz.. physio sucks

2006-04-09T22:48:00.000+08:00

A brake

Inside the transport, i stop thinking about the impending fortress that is Omaha up ahead, open the locket and ponder a split second.

Yes!!! It's the middle of Exams period now and everyone else is mugging their heads off and so am I about a few hours ago. Lolz

Got this from Tuck Som Bong:

Rules:
1. Bold the following words that are true about you.
2. Italicise the things you wish were true.
3. Add one thing true about you.

And then tag one, two, three,four, FIVE more people.

I miss somebody right now.
I don’t watch TV these days.
I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lens.
I love to play video games.
I’ve tried marijuana.
I’ve been in a threesome. (nah... too tiring)
I’ve been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy. (there's this thing i picked up called wayang)
I curse sometimes. (too many times to count. army)
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. (sorta. with too many girls around me.. hard to remain unchanged, man)
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I’m totally smart.
I’ve broken someone’s bones.
I’m paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost and scar-free. (yep, tummy-trim)
I need money right now.(who doesn't?)
I love sushi. (absolutely enjoyed the times i ate it)
I talk really, really fast/unclear.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent. (yes. it is still hidden)
I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have alot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex. (almost did that to CH when he came around as the photographer during chingay.. wanted to lift lipstick stains on him. lol. think i was too gay, ahem, too happy)
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I enjoy window-shopping.
I would rather shop than eat. (the other way round)
I don’t hate anyone; I dislike them. (hate has malice and makes u feel #$%^&)
I’m a pretty good dancer.
I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months. (New Year's Day, one drink too much. lol)
I’ve rejected someone before.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I’ve called the cops on a friend before.
I’m not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have made a move on a friend’s significant past or crush in the past. (?)
I own the “South Park” movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all. (i like his songs. not his scandals)
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy (fright nite #2)
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I have dated a close friend’s ex. (no exes for me to date.)
I am happy at this moment!
I’m obsessed with girls. (maybe... but only one at a time)
Democrat.
I am punk rockish.
I am preppy.I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job. (student)
I am comfortable with who I am now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I’m proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at MacDonald’s restaurant.
I hate office jobs. (no choice really)
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went to college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the wrong people.
I adore bright colours.
I can’t live without black eyeliner.
I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing. (wanted to destress but instead made me stress. wth)
I usually like covers more than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes. (how big?)
I can’t whistle.
I can move my tongues in waves, much like a snakes slithers.
I have ridden/owned a horse. (once.)
I still have every journal I’ve ever written in.
I can’t stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep. (?)
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distraction. (doesn't work every time)
Climbing trees is a brilliant past time. (find one tree for me to climb here.)
I have jazz in my blood. (then i can understand and compose smooth jazz! but no...)
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can’t stand at LEAST one person I work with. (and she just signed into MSN.. lol)
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I’m an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie. (absolutely NOT)
I have ridden an elephant. (think so...once)
I love chocolates! (nope.)
I go to school NOT for the sake of lessons. (for lessons.. for friends... for... etc)
I feel crazy. (sometimes)
I love tomatoes.
I like peanut butter on bananas.
Been told “You’re on fire!”.
I’m a netballer.
I believe in Serendipity.
I think the word ‘RASPBERRY’ is sexaaay! (i think u're siao!)
I love to look at people’s teeth.
I don’t wanna grow up.
I can cross my eyes n stick out my tongue n still look cute.
Gaining weight is a wonderful thing. (ah no... cardiac heart disease.. diabetes...)
I am a PRO…procrastinator.
I love listening to gossip.
I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
I have had a crush on a cartoon character when I was a kid.
I have spent more on anime and manga than many spend on computers or other high end products.
I absolutely adore animals. (not absolutely)
I love surprises. (no, man.)
I love to be seen.
I often act without feeling for people.
I like arguing for the sake of arguing. (sometimes... this is called a "debate")
I think most girls look better with spectacles.
I like girls who hold themselves well.
I like girls who can help make some decisions.

I like girls with the "ganbatte" spirit. (why? maybe too many female manga sword-wielding heroines. :p)

---

(breathe), ok, the 5 lucky ones who have read till here will be: (drum roll)

1. Mayi and Xinyi (they are considered one person, lol... dun ask why, i set the rules here)
2. Edwin. visit his site at www.hldhl.blogspot.com
3. Aina. (Social Warning: Gambling is bad for the health. Results in the money-less syndrome)
4. Constance
5. Paulene
6. Anonymous (you know who you are. lol)

ok.. everyone else who didn't receive a prize, thank you for your wonderful participation and look forward to next year's lucky draw...

2006-04-06T23:11:00.000+08:00

Another personality test...

Why are some people so boliao to write all the stuff? and even more boliao are the people who read this stuff. and the most boliao are the people who read the stuff that people write and put in on their blogs.

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:
Your propensity for monogamy is high.You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.And in return, you expect the same from who you love.Any sign of straying, and you'll end things.
Experience Level:
Your experience level is medium.You probably have had a couple significant loves.And you may have even had your heart broken.But you haven't really dated a wide variety of people.
Dominance:
Your dominance is low.This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.You know a relationship is not about getting your way.And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom.
Cynicism:
Your cynicism is medium.You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist.
Independence:
Your independence is low.This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships..It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life.In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together.

The Five Variable Love Test

2006-04-02T09:14:00.000+08:00

Roach scare

Damn, i hate cockroaches...

why couldn't they have been made extinct by the dinosaurs??

why did they survive all those million years and come back to haunt people like myself??

Shitters.

2006-04-01T21:07:00.000+08:00

Tears

There was one time i remember when i cried. I've cried countless times like a baby when i was a baby.. yeah and as a kid too.. but this was a big grown up guy like me crying away, the tears flowing uncontrollably, the eyes red and only mere slits, the nose stiffled with foam, the lump in my throat. Not too long ago.

After i had summoned enough courage and willpower to move myself again, I made for the bus stop outside my house, wearing a face that i probably would not let other people see on my better days. A 176, bendy bus, came along not too soon. It was cold inside the bus I was clad in a t-shirt and a pair of jeans, and the air-con went full blast. I had completely no count of how many people were there, looking at me sob away, thinking i had gone completely neurotic or something.

The tears just kept on flowing.

I had my schoolbag with me, inside was my trusty mp3 player. Dunno why i made for the song that you guys are hearing now: Tears, by X-Japan. Thing was the adrenaline was still inside my system, i could sometime feel my heart beating away, uncontrollably.

I dunno why, as i played the song, i thought more about the incident that happened, and more tears started to fall. Regret overwhelmed me, i asked myself, why couldn't i have corrected anything in the past.

It then came to the english part:
Loneliness, your silent whisper, fills a river of tears through the night
Memory, you only let me cry, and you, you never said goodbye

How true.

Sometimes our tears blinded the love We lost our dreams along the way
But i'd never thought you'd trade your soul to the fates, never thought, you'd leave me alone

I thought about it again, i should have done this and that, i shouldn't have done this and that.

Time through the rain has set me free Sands of time will keep your memory
Love everlasting fades away Alive within your beatless heart
Dry your tears with love

It was raining outside, plus the aircon it felt really bloody cold, but inside i feel so warm. The hot tears still continued to stream down by enacimated cheeks.

Why does this song seem so true?

I turned the track to playback mode and the song repeated itself again and again but mostly i was listening to the english lyrics. here i was, a nervous wreck, among others going home on a rainy friday, 18th November 2005.

Tomorrow was my birthday, and i was not going home anywhere tonight to attend to the preparations.

---

I dedicate this short account of my life to two close friends of mine, who are now grappling deep with some burden, like i did so many months before, to cheer up, find solace in their own ways and get better. Take care.

2006-03-28T19:19:00.000+08:00

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone

Hmm.. today went to wash cars again. Found out that 7am wasn't the best time to wake up when you had previously slept at 1am. Damn seh when i reached the EH/TH carpark.

Slaved away from 0700 (actually 0800) to 1200, when my aching back could take it no more. Washed about 8 cars, together with Chien Hao and Shalia, and some of the Project Angel 7 (Science Club) people. Generally they were quite nice people... especially one gal who looks damn cute... and slim. haha. bad thing was, didn't talk to her very much - no - didn't talk to her at all. DAMN. cold as ice under the hot sun. Haha. no picture here.

Basically, WC1101E: How to wash cars

1. Splash with (clean, otherwise not so clean also can) water. Remove bird shit and other water-soluble dirt / marks via soft sponge. Cover whole car.

2. Take (extremely diluted) soapy water and scrub away stains which dissolve well in the water-based soap water. Cover the whole car.

3. Wash with clean water (yes, i mean it this time), make sure there are no soap suds left. Cover the whole car.

4. Use a dry cloth (get those water-absorbent cloths for drying cars and squeeze until your hands pain and no more water comes out). Rub away at the car. Be amazed by the reflection of the sunlight on the chassis. Make sure no drop of water is left behind, no cleaning stains are left behind, nothing that can be cleaned away is left behind.

5. Repeat previous steps if necessary, to the desired effect.

Came home, surfed the net a bit, and then finished the first draft of the marketing report that choon han has been pressing me to do since yesterday. ok. lagging. Decide to write the second and final draft of the history essay on S. Rajaratnam tonight (i.e. now) after dinner.

Hmm.. the long to-do-list seems very shortened now... I feel quite liberated.

2006-03-27T20:36:00.000+08:00

Rainy Showers

went for pharm prac test today at 10am. wasn't very good. i'm praying for a miracle again. haiz. my luck's running out~

after that discussed foc 06. not bad, the engine is starting up. i hope i dun get too affected by it... at least not before the exams.

and after that i initially wanted to play captain's ball with yuantai and co. but at the 95 busstop i saw jw and grace at SoC carpark helping out with the carwash.. oops, my conscience pricked me and heh. pang sehed yuantai. remembered monday we had a shortage of helpers to go with the bhbh2 carwash.

well.. i can stay at least for one hour...? or two? clock two more hours for bhbh2. yeah~... no la. guess i am a slave to my own conscience.

went with them to get water, and transported the water to this SUV. ok la. we didn't get the best soap, the best cleaning materials (pathetic sponges), and this first car had remnants of a bird's dinner on it. After it has passed through its gut, mind you. The owner would have been pleased.

about 12:50: when we were almost finished, BRROOM!! the skies greyed on command of the Rain God and he unleashed his life-saving waters over us. Not a drizzle. A shower!!

wth... we just finish cleaning the car and it had to rain. growl. we gave up and ran for cover. stupid jw still said we were "zai4 yu3 zong1 man4 bu4" (strolling in the rain), i told her to shut up.

sienz. waited until 13:30 when the rain stopped. went to fill water again. "clandestinely". i went to the male toilet and saw the auntie there, who had already a pail filled up with water. however, one thing about ALL the freaking taps that allowed huge water flow was that they needed the tap or the "turning device" to operate. yup. go and take a look at any tap.

so i had to get water from the tap in the sink. took about 15 mins to fill a bucket, 3/4 full. by filling a small container with water and pouring it systematically into my bucket. i asked the auntie if she got the tap (i.e. can u do me a favour, u see that i'm not exactly having a good time here) to lend me..

... her blatant answer was a straight "no!" growls. later i could see her spraying the whole toilet with water (from a tap in a cubicle). darn, lowered my water flow as well. damn use water like free like that, i had to practically beg for water from the tap. @#$%^&*&^%$#@

haiz. going to do tomorrow again, i'm to wake up at 7am and end at 10am. crazy. hope can negotiate a bit. just fyi: the weather forecast for the next three days:

tuesday: afternoon showers with thunder over many areas.
wednesday: afternoon showers with thunder over many areas.
thursday: afternoon showers with thunder over many areas.

dots.

2006-03-24T20:59:00.000+08:00

Different paths

Went to do medical checkup for my philippines trip today. A little dismayed as i came out of the doc's room: he would not clear me, reason being: i have (still) uncontrolled epilepsy.

Yep, despite being on drugs, the last attack was a few months ago... well all this while, while preparing for the trip I have been quite lucky to be fit-free, but the dangers of having an attack there in a foreign land where medical aid is uncertain are still present. All along i thought i could make it, that the doctor would, based on my personal consent, pass me.

He didn't and he gave ample reasoning: having an attack demands immediate medical attention from the people around. Should the attack last for >5 minutes or repeated attacks should happen, the brain tissues suffer hypoxia and might die. This condition is known as status epilepticus. Immediate medical attention is needed, if i'm not wrong, diazepam is given (rectal) to stop the seizures.

I never had status epilepticus before. I think. All my attacks were about <5 minutes, occuring once every time. That was according to my parents. But what about those when nobody was around? Not sure. Hence there was a possibility that i might have experienced it, and a further real possibility that i might experience it again. However slight the possibility, it is still present.

What he said really stopped me in my tracks. Previously i had not considered that this might happen, true the medication i took religiously everyday, and the dizziness and headaches were becoming routine. For about 7-8 months, since i entered university, I felt normal, if normal was the way to describe any other NUS student going about his business.

I do not go around considering myself a person with epilepsy, therefore i must have certain benefits, etc. It doesn't feel good when you think of yourself as a handicap, and a major one at that, having to have a caretaker "just in case". It doesn't feel good when others think of you as an invalid, a person that you must watch out for.

A burden, if that's the word. A liability.

I want to play, i want to study, i want to do everything a university student does cos that's my right as a university student. I just have a steeper mountain to climb than most of you. I've already lost part of this brain, i do not want to lose anything else such as my social life.

But... to think of it objectively... safety seems to override everything in this case. I had long expected it to come to this, and i do not regret for once the path that i have taken.

I guess i've gotten quite used to this kind of treatment, an alternative route that i must take away from the rest. Since sec 3 i've been physically exempted up to JC level, though i still occasionally take part in sports games. In the army everyone could dream of getting my medical status. Every nook and cranny of my life revolves around safety, of preventing that fit from ever coming back, for example: my future wife must be medically trained, (one of the reasons i stepped into pharmacy fac), no flashing lights, no uncontrollable loud sounds, less computer games, no alcohol and clubbing, no performances on stage, no strenous activities, no extreme sports, less water sports... the list goes on and on. Sometimes i am so sick of all the constrains around me, but other times i just shrug, accept it, and move on.

Try as i may, there are some things that i cannot deviate from the truth.

2006-03-24T11:33:00.000+08:00

War Plan

The day today is 24 March, 2006.

Forecast for the net 5 weeks:

25th: Packing of goods at ernest's house.
26th: finish history essay / mkt part of my project
27th - 31th: Car Wash. mop up all bhbh2 activities.
2nd April: send stuff to DHL. wash hands off bhbh2.
8th April (Saturday): mkt presentation.
13th April: final test for sci of music.

Number of days i have to exam: 17

2006-03-24T00:43:00.000+08:00

The Difference between Women and Men

Hmm... it has come to light recently that:

Women are suckers for:

Shopping
Good food
Facials
Manicures
Fashion magazines
The latest apparels
Exfoliation
Eyebrow tweaking
Botox
Other forms of plastic surgery
Men with money
Men with lots and lots of money
Men with large houses
Men with credit cards
Men with good cars
Men with dark complexion, are tall and appear handsome to them
Men that sweet-talk them
Men that give them the sense of danger
Men that give them the (false) sense of security
...

And on the other side of the table:

Men are just suckers.

Cos they can fall so deeply in love with a woman who has all the above characteristics, get laughed at by the worls, and still think they've hit the jackpot.

(any FCPs or MCPs please, don't come and find me.)

2006-03-19T12:17:00.000+08:00

In solitude and in darkness

much of yesterday was spent travelling in a rented lorry around the island carrying donated stuff to the bhbh2 cause. morale was low cos we couldn't sell the fridge and the tv that we had hoped for. in the end we had to leave everything at one of the members' house, and come back and pack later.

went for xinyi's harmonica concert after that. it was good, especially the soloists. never knew the harmonica could be a multi-pitched instrument. but more likely i was scrutinising the percussion members. don't know that the harmonica would be such a complex instrument.

anyway left alone after that; declined to accompany edwin, mayi, xinyi, xiuting, wanqi, wing hang they all for supper. tired + dunno some of them well + i stink after the whole day = blind silent conversations.

walked all alone from UCC to the nearby 197 busstop in solitude and darkness. i dunno why these few days i've been so tired, not physically tired, but that "tiredness" which drains you of your willpower and forbids you from going on. maybe its the workload - just survived a punishing week.

i think i really need a break... not just time, but time with someone who can make me laugh, someone who can make me feel so good, someone that can make me forget the events of the past week and the incoming events of the next few weeks...

and when i look around me, i find that in the darkness and solitude there is no one else... except the vehicles that zoom past within the split-second of the eye along the AYE flashing their bright spotlights in the dark.

and when i reach the bus stop, i sit down and take turns to stare at the two couples smooching away and really wished i hadn't come to this bus stop. boarded the first bus that arrived and sped away.

reached home, msned. no one's really online, those who are online i don't really talk much with them anyway. so idled for about one to two hours watching some movie on channel 8 until about 11pm.

saw an old friend of mine online and eventually the conversation came to that of relationships. after explaning my situation in detail, the reply was: look for greener grass. hmm is it really so bad? seems so hopeless. was already thinking of giving up hope for the past few days since "there's no initial feeling at all"... maybe. think while everything is still under wraps, might as not well blow it up and we can still remain friends of a certain nature.

pretended that nothing ever happened. hopefully, it will go away somehow.

the thing is that i probably shouldn't be so actively looking for a gf. i have pondered the need... why do i need one when remaining single should seem fine? other than 'peer pressure'... which i often see in the form of Orchard road... that you see people younger than you getting their partners... that you see your friends all getting hitched and spending time with their other halves, its that you check your age clock and find out that you're already 21 and you should be actively looking for a girlfriend. and sometimes you might feel soooo lonely that calling upon guy friends to chat upon would be inappropriate, for example talking about very personal problems and matters. companionship.

with these factors, its not easy to "take things as it comes".

i quoted the "bus stop" analogy:

everyone waits at the bus stop
when you see other people getting on top of the bus you get a bit irritated.
"why doesn't my bus come?"
when there's very few people left you start to panic and think
"has my bus already left?"
then u wonder whether u should catch the next bus, any bus before you are left alone on the bus stop, or before no more comes.

my friend told me to walk. i don't wanna walk for the rest of my life, in solitude and in darkness.

***

then this friend of mine (who is attached) told me the results of getting on the bus:
"it means sacrifices, living with each other's differences, changing yourself, etc etc."

sounds like the induced-fit enzyme hypothesis theory.

("for many years scientists have thought about enzyme kinetics as a simple lock-and-fit hypothesis theory. then they discovered that the enzyme and substrate actually tried to fit together by changing their configurations at the active site to suit each other." - LSM.)

i guess i haven't really understood induced-fit hypothesis theory all along the past twenty years.

maybe i should really start looking for an active site for this substrate to fit in? or sit idle and wait for an enzyme to come along?

2006-03-13T00:16:00.000+08:00

Careless Whispers

Suddenly in the twinkling of an eye.. i got the meaning to this song...

Don't be too kan cheong.

I feel so unsure
As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor
As the music dies
Somewhere in your eyes
Calls to mind a silver screen
And all its sad goodbyes

Chorus
I’m never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it’s easy to pretend
I know you’re not a fool, oh
Should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I’d been given
So I’m never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you
Oh

Time can never mend
The careless whispers of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
There’s no comfort in the truth
Pain is the all you’ll find

Repeat chorus

Never without your love

Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd
Maybe it’s better this way
We’d hurt each other with the things we want to say
We could have been so good together
We could have made this last forever
But now, who’s gonna dance with me
Please stay

Repeat Chorus

Now that you’re gone (x3)
Was what I did so wrong
So wrong that you had to leave me alone

http://www.whamshake.com/careless.html

maybe...

2006-03-12T20:10:00.000+08:00

Lion's Befrienders (2)

The second round of Lion's Befrienders came exactly a month after the first one. Went to buona vista MRT station at about 0900, then had a leisurely walk with the group (see picture below) to that same place. The old folks were already there.

We took 30 min to setup the equipment and draw bingo cards for them and the next 30 mins to sing two songs, yue liang dai biao wo de xin and tian mi mi for them. pity my mp3 player was not compatitible with the radio. well. never mind. found out that actually i sounded quite good without a mike. lol

after that was 2 rounds of bingo! yes. the five-in-a-line game. get three lines and get a prize. simple. the english-speaking elderly i attended to was very enthusiasic about all this, pity he didn't win anything. after that was lunch and we had the place to ourselves.

we were told to wait for meishan and ernest jr. bought us ice cream along! this is one of the pictures we took:

from left to right:
top row: nuan xin, wenyi, jing wen, grace, yu ting.
below: andy, gavin, glenson, myself, ernest jr. chien hao.

after this was the meeting. as usual, the f-ing session started without much ado. i could see that she was physically tired out.

2006-03-12T01:12:00.001+08:00

Sigh.. evangelism... again

(for the christians and catholics amongst you guys, warning: you may be offended.)

Saturday.

Afternoon: Did Tutorial Assignments for Protein, Carbohydrate and Lipid for LSM while listening to mp3 player and smsing people to go to one of my friend's concert.

damn, no one replied. even her.. maybe i'm too kan cheong. like one of my frens said, "when chasing a gal u mustn't be in a hurry." ok we exchanged a few smses, but then.. i felt like this whole thing was simply going on the wrong track. a very wrong track. i really feel like i'm "barking up the wrong tree", that the previous years of my heartstricken love life have began to unfold like a drama. again. that sense of deja vu.

but i dunno. something tells me that if u want something u gotta fight for it. but i'm a fatalistic person... was thinking, why not? just get an act together since there's a concert coming up.

so about 5pm i took a bath. tiong phew, jevin and weida came to borrow my laptop. said something like "weida asked tp to bring his laptop but tp only brought his thumb drive and they have only one computer" so i lent it to them.

sat on 105 at 5:40 pm. alone. guess since i promised my friend that i would have gone to support her (i.e. made it look like i was going to support her) realised i should have taken to commonwealth mrt b4 taking the 105. i mean, anyone who has practiced for something should be entitled to some support from friends.

took 105 to whitley road. called leonard, but walked in the wrong direction of SJI. wasted more time. was thinking of going out with wang, he's somewhere in bugis with his friends, but promised to come to SJI as well to watch..

along the way i saw so many kids of JC age thronging about. saw some SJI kids, one chiobu with the "Raffles" PT T-shirt with a group of male friends and hell lots of couples hanging out together, which suggested that this was really a bad time and place to be in.

i tot: hell this place is filthy rich, even their community centre looks like a freaking church, with people kickboxing and all the english flying about. tells something about what is to happen later.

found SJI and entered. just outside the gate i called wang again. still at bugis. gingerly i entered the compound, found some ushers slacking away and some people scattered around the area, (former) Josephians i guess. the school was great, beautiful. must have cost alot to build.

an usher showed me to the Hall of Performing Arts (whatever the heck that was). damn nice place, with the grandeur of the Esplanade. one grand piano stood on the second floor. before i entered this usher gave me a form and told me fill in my particulars, i just scrawled. exchanged it for a goodie bag at the counter. hell good the service was, no?

entered the auditorium. although i was with so many people of similar age group but somehow i felt strangely out of place. sat by myself somewhere along the aisle and waited for my friend to come out with her dance item.

the next item was just coming up, and the nature of it made me leave the hall in 5 minutes. there was this girl dressed as a nun, and she was teaching a class of people... fine, ok, typical convent school style, but then when the teachings switched to stuff filled with "god" everywhere i began to realise that i was in the wrong theatre. pretended to sms someone and left in a hurry, never looking back.

i walked back to the bus stop and felt... cheated? it's like wtf?
well. come to think of it much later, maybe she did tell me it was a church event (she smsed me later that it was a church event and apologised ever so profusely la, even though it wasn't her fault). i examined the goodie bag and found all the evangelistic stuff like cds, cartoons, memoranda, etc. even the plastic bag had evangelistic words.

well. actually i tot i was coming to some "rally" organised by this community centre, e.g. PAP rally?? why the PAP would hire dancers is another thing... well there's some thing called a church rally as well..

felt like leaving the goodie bag behind some scheluded place. felt quite disgusted and offended. thank god i was able to leave early. otherwise had they barred the doors and etc, and like everyone was chanting non-stop etc.. wonder how would i make it out of there la.

i dun mind evangelism... admit that is part of their religion. but really hate it when they come out with dubious ways to do it, e.g. there was this time i heard that people were forcing terminally-ill patients, who have no relatives grieving after them, to convert "before it's too late", as groups of evangelists surrounded these dying patients and forced the rites upon them. its like my uncle keep asking me to his church to "have fun" there like there a party or something but i keep refusing him.

well, singapore has its laws; they can ask, and we can refuse. so it keeps going on.

but what i really don't like is that u mix religion and daily affairs like friendship or business together. it really defeats the purpose.

please note that i'm not anti-christian or anti-catholic. i've been to 2 catholic weddings and both were elaborate ceremonies with numerous songs and chants, but my focus would be to attend the wedding, hence they did not bother me much. i have many christian and catholic friends and relatives.

its just that my first experience with evangelism didn't really work out, and it didn't work out since then. the first time i just got down at clementi central bus stop and i met this fella who kept on "have you heard the good news?" or "our church is having some events and we're inviting you..." and kept blocking my way, when i was in a hurry. ccb. somehow, i think he's trying to sell the religion.

so there, any potential evangelists among you: any attempt to bring the good news to me will be swiftly met with the finger.

2006-03-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

My Energizer battery went flat

Today was one of the shackest days of my life:

0800 - 1000: physio lecture: cortex, brainstem, spinal cord.

1000 - 1200: pharm prac lecture: presentation by classmates, cum studying for...

1200 - 1315: science of music, first test. quite simple. think the rest of the cohort must have thought so too. got darn lot of careless mistakes.

1315 - 1400: rush to arts and eat lunch with joy.

1400 - 1600: ss tutorial. quite enlightenling, mostly about current affairs then on history itself. i got a B for my first essay (whew).

1600 - 1800: ss lecture. wanted to leave halfway but endured throughout the end.

then, from LT8, i walked via Central Library, across engineering bridge and to YIH and finally to SRC, where from there i cut across the track to the 197 busstop. was drizzling. Bad choice, there was a stampede of people there.

came back, no dinner, fixed instant noodles. did some admin work, admist asking all the people about the lsm lab report. went to sleep at about 12am.

2006-03-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

Midnight Raiders

After LSM lecture i went to eat dinner with the boys (1800 hours).. then rushed off to Sheares to get the marketing book from cons. took 51 to queensway to zap (1900 hours). met 3 ex-army frens at there, great medics they are, clement, karthik, and (oops! i forgot!). had a nice chat. they were as excited at seeing all my cards such as matric card, as i was a year ago. lol.

At about 1930 hours brenda from bhbh2 smsed me and said, hey do u wanna help me collect stuff from this semi-d. Apparently the last owners of the semi-d had moved overseas and they had some extra stuff to give to our cause. We got stephen and his van and we rendezvous'ed at Harbourfront MRT.

the bungalow in question was at Thomson road, quite a long way, by the time we reached there it was about 2100 plus. it was a semi-d, but it was still imposing with grandeur. even in the moon light. after gaining access brenda told us that the stuff strewn outside the house was available for collection - amongst them, a fridge, books, soft toys, nice cd rack, vintage coke glass bottles, etc etc.

we had a good look outside the house. it was the perfect place for fright night, man, with this apprehensive air around it - everything under the moonlight seemed to stare at us intruders. i asked brenda whether we could rent one of these houses, sadly, no. ha. there was this defunct fountain in the front of the house, and if u walked to the back there was this enormous cooking / laundry / area with a cooking oven cum stove.

we had a look inside the house (even though we were not supposed to). since the electricity had been cut, our only source of illumination was the light from our handphones... we found a trolley which assisted us greatly in the shifting of the fridge. the living room had been stripped quite bare, with stuff like a radio lying about, a bar table (!) and a electone (although quite old model, but i guess still worth up to 1k?) we didn't go and explore the ground floor rooms, or the rooms upstairs. it was definitely too creepy.

ok, enough peeking, we decided to filter the stuff that we can take and load up. the fridge went in first, but there wasn't enough room! oh gosh. after racking our brains for darn long we managed to get like 95% of the volume of the fridge inside. stephen decided that he could tie the back doors of his van together and i could like sit inside and jaga the back door, hope nothing falls out. then everything else went in. poor van.

the space i had was probably just enough to fit my whole body in. not enough leg room, felt like i was part of the cargo. haha. stephen and brenda sat in front. stephen gave me an additional string tied to the back of the door popping out, which i could "pull" towards me as an extra coverage.

off the way we went back, to kent ridge hall. i'd rather he took the upper thomson-mandai road instead of going through cte and aye like the way we came. well. anyway his collection of mp3s was pretty entertaining, with selections like Shin's tian gao di hou which i sang with much enthusiasm via the half-open door to the motorists behind us.

reached KR at about 2230. asked meishan to open the gate. asked louis and jw to come... and they dragged weiming along. heh. together we shifted the fridge to a-block, level 6. now they have two fridges. (for temporary storage only).

by the time we finished it was about midnight already. louis and jw took all the soft toys to store in their rooms (think the idea about each of them holding a garfield was pretty funny). the rest of the stuff was left in the van where stephen would be looking after it.

stephen then sent me and brenda home. reached home at about 0030 hours. other than the chingay days, i dun remember coming back from school that late. rushed homework (have to prepare for PR1103 lab! have to do lsm tutorial!! have to think of questions to buzz our pharmacist!) then fell asleep at about 0200. shack.

2006-03-07T11:31:00.000+08:00

Start: Week 8

ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH!!! its week 8 liao. i have spent 8 weeks in nus trying to stay afloat without much success.

BUT: i got my break!! muhahhahhahha. went to sing karaoke yesterday with pharmacists: bx, mayi, xinyi, xw (sorry paulene didn't call u along..). was good, but one thing about singing is that u never get to sing enough... there is always some song u want to let loose before you go...

went to party world.. during the weekdays there it is much cheaper la. paid about $11 ea for 5 pax. darn cheap la as compared to kbox, $15+++ ea. plus one free drink each (because student). that is with jw's voucher. although partyworld is rather sleazy (to the gals) and the equipment there really needs a change. selection of songs aren't too bad though...

xw and bx as usual belted their own numbers. man u shd really hear xw sing. her voice is oh so powerful.

mayi introduced a few Canto songs to us! wow that is like one person who can "sight-read" the chinese words and convert them into cantonese speech like the way a musician converts notes into music. ma chiam grade 8 standard man!! zhen zong cantonese man!! esp the song from Twins and Beyond la. so authentic, as if hear from the mp3 lor. Next time must drag her along so can hear more canto songs. esp the old ones haha...

halfway along xw and xinyi left for their "own commitments" so when we wrapped up it was me, bx, and mayi who went for dinner. the hawker centre of clementi central isn't a very nice place to have dinner... and along the way we met constance who was with her group of friends!! the conversation went like this:

Friend #1: (says something)

cons: growl.

Friend #2: (says something)

cons: GROWL........

Friend #3: (says nothing)

cons: gRRRoooWWWRRRRWWRWRWRWWRWRLllllllllllllllllllllll...............

***
LOL!

haha keep making fun of constance and her "incessant" growing. damn bad i am. of course nothing happened like that, in fact, when the 3 of us approached their table at the coffee shop (there were like 11-12 of them seated around a round table, if she didn't tell me it was a cell group and if this was in some sleazy part of Singapore, e.g. Geylang back alley, and they were all guys, with beer bottles within grasp, the whole thing might have been mistaken for the setting of a back-alley brawl.)

cons (hokkien): ok, today i myself and my brothers have come to settle this issue of territory. why did your gang come over to my territory and make trouble??

okok. watch too much hu huo zai (think discussing the nightlife with mayi had some effect too). out.

2006-03-02T15:10:00.000+08:00

Former Sec 2 Outing

went to a gathering of sec 2 friends most of whom i've not been in contact for about 8-9 years. something tells me that i'll be bored.

grabbed the few close friends that i had then, that accompanied me into the life i'm living now, and made for city hall, 1700. venue (decided later): swensen's, suntec city.

the gals (rem these people are 21yo) arrived much later in their cliques. most of them are in nus or ntu; uni transforms these people, from the innocent, "natural" village girl look to the modern working women. after all, some are graduating this sem.

the guys (some in the last throes of national service, some yr1's like myself) were much another batch. the guys that were not of my clique, i found out that i could not really identify with them though i tried to. just sit there in a corner, talking to the people around me, which was mainly my clique throughout dinner.

end up, i didn't talk much with the class, just exchanged smiles and small talk. not as interesting as i expected.
it was hard to believe that most of the people i grew up with, most have taken off succesfully on their love lives and their careers and work life. they keep talking about how their boyfriends.. girlfriends.. and about stuff like their cars. about earning money. about jobs.

seemingly obvious and harmless questions they pose, but i have no wish to have any of this. i mean, although the world revolves around $$, but i do not wish to be part of it yet... sighz. wanna live the rest of this period in relatively $$-free worries. enough money is enough for me. as for cars, i can't drive. it seems like a major stumbling block along my trip to adulthood.. as my parents still have to ferry me around and public transport is not readily available sometimes.

as for a gf... when i saw that my ex-crushes all had nice boyfriends, it's time finally to move on, to catch a bus before the last bus goes and you're left stranded on the bus stop. yes sounds like another reason to prove that i'm damn desperate. as for exploits (operations) in nus.. chances of success are few and far between, the girls i like, dun like me. and i dun think i'm handsome enough to attract the female populace.

is it that they are not receptive enough, or is it that they have other (more preferred) males in mind? after all... or is it that i am not ready myself, instead forcing myself to go into a relationship because of peer presure. to explain: there's this gal in nus that i like but whether is that 100% coming from the heart, i don't really know. i'm not trying to know her better, i'm not trying to talk to her, instead i slink away with my clique of guy friends and we make merry instead with our army jokes.

why?

waiting for a gal like you: foreigner

so long
i've been looking too hard, i've been waiting too long
sometimes i don't know what i would find
i only know it's a matter of time
when you love someone

it feels so right, so warm and true
i need to know if u feel it too

maybe i'm wrong
would you tell me if i'm coming on 2 strong
this heart of mine has been heard b4
this time i wanna be sure

i've been waiting
for a girl like you
to come into my life

i've been waiting
for a girl like you
a love that will survive

i've been waiting
someone new
to make me feel alive

yeah waiting
for a girl like you
to come into my life

2006-03-02T14:41:00.001+08:00

Pit Stop

i type this in the relative calm of sheares hall, room e301. choon han's room. he's sleeping now, intoxicated in slow rock from my mp3 player.

for many pharmers, today morning was a day of extreme brainstorming, the cumulation of many days of hard work. well seriously i didnt put in as much effort as i hoped i would. forgot most of the GIT and endocrine, instead concentrated on the physiological pathways on renal as most people did. lo and behold most of the questions that came out were on that. not too bad after all.

i think i'm quite dismayed at my performance so far during the second sem. during first sem i was a chao mugger, often locking myself away in my books. uni was something like jc, after school, dinner, books, then sleep. repeat until the exams came. then this sem.. got involved in so many projects even though i'm taking in on extra workload. got into chingay which dragged on to the first two months of the semester, only to find myself in bhbh2. whereas i quitted all sheares activities, made myself dormant in nus geyao and EML. knew alot of people along the way, but did not keep in touch. touch and go... and now i'm in Pharm Camp 06...

sigh. i'm barely floating in terms of assessment performance. this can't go on forever.

realised since my arrival in nus that i've probably met about estimated 200-400 people, from:
sheares exposure camp
sheares rag
pharm camp / pharmacy class / pharmacy seniors
lecturers and nus staff
sheares hall, block a
nus geyao (although can't recognise cos most are PRCs)
nus electronic music lab
sheares choir
GEK 1534 classmates
sheares smg
sheares short film
chingay
bhbh2 and rotaract club

hmm.. the list will go on.

2006-02-28T19:15:00.000+08:00

Calm in the midst of a storm

haven't blogged for 4 days. hmm

was thinking seriously whether to s/u my SS, or my marketing module. or both.

SS - can't write essays for nuts, can't analyse (now i truly appreciate the power of arts students with A1 for GP), can't remember. the exam is closed book one day before the exam for physio. DIE.

MKT - can't smoke anything, i don't know any of the current markets although i probably can identify with some of the theory. thing is i went for only half the lectures. and no textbook.

ok. decided to make the rash and risky choice: s/u SS, graded marketing.

something about what Jason said made sense and i shall attempt to prove it now:

postulates:
1) if you (plan to) get mostly A's in this sem, you should s/u because otherwise, marketing or SS or will pull your grades down.
2) if you (plan to) get mostly B's and C's in this sem, you should not s/u as it will make no diff.

i need to get at least 3.5 to prevent my grades from slipping too much.

lets say i get a C for both my SS and mkt. C = 2.0

i get, on average, four B+'s for my other subjects. B = 3.5
if i dun s/u: 3.5 x 4 + 2.0 x 2 = 18. 18/6 = 3. difference: 0.5
if i s/u one: 3.5 x 4 + 2.0 = 16. 16 / 5 = 3.2. difference: 0.3

i get, on average, four B's for my other subjects. B = 4.0
if i dun s/u: 4.0 x 4 + 2.0 x 2 = 20. 20/6 = 3.33. difference = 0.7
if i s/u one: 4.0 x 4 + 2.0 = 16. 18 / 5 = 3.6. difference = 0.4

i get, on average, four A-'s for my other subjects. A = 4.5
if i dun s/u: 4.5 x 4 + 2.0 x 2 = 22. 22/6 = 3.67. difference = 0.8
if i s/u one: 4.5 x 4 + 2.0 = 20. 20 / 5 = 4. difference = 0.5

hmm.. at least a 0.3 difference in scores... some things to hope for...

1. i wun get a C for my marketing. *prays hard*
2. i wun get B's on average for my other 4 subjects?? *pls pls*

2006-02-24T20:45:00.000+08:00

Hmm.... 6 days?!??! to physio test?!??! i'm screwed

hmm.. check out the calender in the bottom right hand corner...

physio test: 2nd Mar. 0800

three chapters:
GIT - too much information.
endocrine - nightmare.
renal - dun understand.

2 days on average to study for each topic. not possible at all.

haiz. i have never felt so desperate for a test before.. not even the time when i had an epileptic attack one day before the Anatomy Exam.. ok maybe about the same.

never study. never listened to much in class. ponned two renal lectures. went through tutorial with my mind half there.

sigh. i look at some of my classmates and ponder how they prepared will they be, like be so familiar with every detail, and how they're gonna have an edge over me bcos of that. some have started like one month before the test.

sien. and i wanna sing, i got to oversee the old clothes collection one week later...

how i wish i didn't get myself into such an unextratable mire.

2006-02-21T23:14:00.000+08:00

An oasis in the middle of the desert

ok the title was meant to be "afternoon at sentosa" or some other thing but in lieu of the incoming exams...

today went to sentosa with jevin,bx, tiong phew, farv, ching mien, parry, choon han, yuantai, xuanwei, mel, mayi, xinyi & constance.

met at harbourfront at 0930. parry and the gals and ch and tp went in his van while the rest of us made our way there by foot.

surprisingly, we reached palawan beach first. area looks deserted save for the construction workers ambling around. started playing volleyball which yuantai brought. later the other team came, and the volleyball "match" got more crowded.

split ourselves into 3 teams. match of 5 points and so we rotated ourselves. somehow or rather when choon han got to be the referee, the score became 1.55 to 3??? and 0.1 points will be deducted for out or something so the final score will be like 3.014 to 2 or something.. lolz

when i was not playing.. was busy looking at the far side of the beach where some filming seemed to have taken place... parry and co said they saw felicia chin!! hmms. worth a look

after everyone got tired of the volleyball.. we decided to go into the water. well. the waters looked so inviting and soon it was the "in" thing to get wet... haha if u dun get we will help u. "u can run, but you can't hide!!!" soon all 9 guys were soaking wet in the shallow water. gals we dun touch, they got wet themselves. haha.

we tried doing a pyramid in the water where we had guys sitting in between guys' shoulders and etc. to form layers. go imagine. then the words "broke back mountain" was used.. i think abit too much. imagine 9 "topless" guys hugging each other to form the pyramid. *retches*

ch suggested playing a game whereby a gal shoulder-sits a guy, we play scissors paper stone, then we dunk the loser team in the water. obviously the gals didn't think it was very fun.
hmm. maybe i can suggest that for FOC. *devilish grin*

about 1pm, got out of the waters and had lunch, courtesy of bingxun. (next time should ask the gals to do it.) sandwiches, watermelon and Cheese Balls...

went over to Siloso beach where mel and co wanted to kayak. hmm. saw something interesting on the way!! on the beach, there was this photographer who was shooting this damn chio bikini babe, FHM style!! she was like splashing water around (damn fake) whilst being shot. can't really take a closer look though. but there was like 3-4 other similarly dressed bikini babes, all darn chio, sitting on the table beside them and wow!! *wolf-whistle*

(ok pls pardon. i've never seen an FHM shoot before. so there.) hmm why didn't we walk on the beach.

reach siloso. more babes here, ahem, i mean more people here. the attendance on both beaches in the morning wasn't too good. probably the weather wasn't too promising. it changes from dark clouds to bright sun like an a.c. current. we can have bright sun and rain sometimes though.

got our kayaks. saddled with ching mien (ok that sounds darn gay, how gay is this outing man. BBM). ready to go! acted like privateers on the high seas, splashing water on whoever we saw (but got splashed more in the end). advice: don't go and splash constance/mel. ha. frigate.

after everyone was tired, we just lay down in our kayaks and embraced the sun's UV rays. and hence that explains the patches of sunburnt skin lying in parts of my body.

one hour was up soon, and after we returned the kayaks, we went for shower. girls as usual take sooooooooooooooooo long. despite giving them a headstart to shower area they still took longer. sighz.

went to harbourfront to eat. we had Shilin snacks while gyrating to Jay Chou's 4th album (yi qun she xue de ma yi, bei fu rou suo xi yin.. wo mian wu biao qing...) spent one hour there listening to the 12 tracks in the cd, i dunno whether the owner minded or not.

haha enjoyed myself man... at least this was a day that nobody from bhbh2 bothered me (only a call from Chester.. but that's another story). parted around 1700-1800; i and jevin took the 97 back to home... halfway we discussed what evil thoughts he had for FOC 06-07.

Reached home at 1900 and concussed.

2006-02-19T02:24:00.000+08:00

Final heartland

last heartland performance. from today, feb 19 onwards, i will revert back to a common NUS student. an NUS student in pharmacy way deep down in a mire of shit in fact:

lsm1401: luckily, just (hopefully) managed to pass the first test. last minute revision 2h before the thing.

mkt1003: missed two lectures out of 5. lack the proper skills to tackle the module. going mum in tutorials, dunno wtf it is talking about.

ssa2211: dunno wtf is it talking about. readings are so much. going to national library on monday with yuantai to dig for stuff. essay haven't done yet.

py1106: severely lagging in renal. shitted. dunno what's going on in tutorials.

pr1103: dunno how to handle the exam, all general knowledge. practicals are like shit.

pc1327: only module which i got some confidence. cos it's non-exam.

haiz. two weeks more to the mid-term milestone: the "one-month-before-exam" time. lets call it Tm.

why is it so important? cos one month before exam, CAs will start rushing in, then the study level gets so high. then when we are finished with the CAs, we dun even have time to breathe in, before the exams set themselves upon us.

At Tm, you lose your freedom.

we are two weeks to Tm. sigh. and currently i'm lagging heavily. i'm bogged down with bhbh2 as well as well as a relationship that i'm not too sure of.

2006-02-19T01:16:00.000+08:00

hey guys try this out!!!

judge me!!

http://kevan.org/johari?name=whyqueue

2006-02-17T21:29:00.000+08:00

Last day of school

...well... for the first half of Sem 2.

at the touch of 2000 hours, i received a package from a messenger, a finely crafted paper carrier with a set of exquisite chocolates and what i have been expecting in semi-anguish all this while long.

it felt like a tremendous relief when i received the package. yet i dare not open the envelope to read its contents. and yet as i held the bag from LT20 all the way down to the sports track leading to the 197 bus stop, i wished, at every spotlight, that i could just read and make out the inscriptions on the halo of the dim light.

but it felt silly reading in the middle of the sports field. went to the 197 busstop. took out the envelope, but 97 came and so i hopped on.

clambered to the top deck of the double-decker and fumbled with opening the envelope.

well the fact that i got a letter back.. means the situation wasn't too bad. or as bad as i had originally imagined.

almost everything was a reply from the letter i sent her, but there was one sentence that mattered.

i was glad that she wasn't irritated or angry or displeased and we could continue as friends, but currently, no more than that. that gave me so much peace in within.

i felt like something could at least happen. even its not now, at least we can start.

guess for now, working hard on work matters more than working hard on matters of the heart.

2006-02-16T21:56:00.000+08:00

Indecent Obsession

Obsession: Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.
A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.

Infatuation: A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.
An object of extravagant, short-lived passion.

today, i spoke at length with a good friend. am i obsessed?

"compulsive preoccupation"... do i think of her that often...?

actually no... not to the point that she invades my dreams and every thought.
unwanted feeling or emotion? no... obviously rite? i want this to happen? maybe... not.
anxiety?? or nervousness??

my friend said i was obsessed. i was obsessed with a person once, and it hurt a lot when we had to finally part.
i'm not making the mistake of waiting so many years again...i don't have long to wait anymore.

guess i should give her more time. time for both of us to recover from this incident, time for both of us to normalise, time for both of us to get back as friends.

sigh. i wish i hadn't made any move during that fateful day. now i avoid her like the plague. why? sigh.

2006-02-16T21:46:00.000+08:00

Busy busy

Oh sHit.. i actually missed (am going to miss) an entire physiology tutorial!! something i will never ever think of doing in Sem 1.

i'm crazy.

dunno who told me thu morning had no physio lecture. so i thought oh great, can sleep in a little more.

then missed grp 1's tutorial.

can't go for grp 2's tutorial since i got subject pool registration (which i can't escape from)

maybe can crash grp 3's tutorial a bit then RUSH OFF to science of music tutorial. sighz.

2006-02-15T06:22:00.000+08:00

Valentine's Day

Went to help engin bazaar in the morning. Cough still there. Didn't do much, as with monday. Engin people i think are generally not very responsive to guys - it was jw who was doing all the selling. and boy was she great.
I'm really lousy at selling stuff, i found out.

Took the chance to scoot at 1230 when cheuk fung asked me to deliver flowers. Asked him to donate the money to our cause. It wasn't very much, but i hoped it helped. Delivered 5 batches of flowers to S15, S14, outside LT20, TH, KRH. Some recipients were surprised. Others were quite elated.

Still feeling quite stressed knowing that there's a test coming along at 1630. went to choon han's room at his behest, only to realise i left something at the engin bazaar when i scooted - a vital part of operation valentine. so went back, studying about translation on the way.

it wasn't the best arrangement available, leaving only nuan xin there to single-handedly manage the store of bears. but i dunno. you shouldn't be selfish when it comes to volunteering missions, but that's practically what i'm doing now. contradictory. poor gal. but i have no time, i need to rush out the products for Ops valentine, and to study for my test. dunno if i would be of any help when i remained there, as with monday.

choon han was a great help in revision, as i prepared the products for Ops Valentine he droned off in a singsong manner, all the steps of DNA replication, transcription, and translation, and even wrote them on his window so that i could see. so nice.

1600, boarded the bus in a hurry to MPSH1. saw some people there and gave out the presents, many of them in horrible folded states due to the lack of proper boxes. well.

sat for test. was quite stumped for about 20min, then attempted the questions for the next 20min, only to find out, hey wtf am i doing!! everything became clear and hopefully this test will be ok.

delivered the rest of the presents outside MPSH. after giving out everything (exclduing junice's and mayi's group present), wanted to, as planned, go to the recommended place and give her but she had something on, so i decided not to bother her and let her enjoy herself. dunno why.

left with bx, ch, constance, jw to the engin stall... i dunno why i followed them. wasn't in the best of moods either. waited for ch and bx to buy stuff from our stall. i sorta liked the pink bear with its soft fur that brenda or constance pointed out. had the money to buy it but for no reason, i didn't know whether to buy it or why i should buy it. for that 30 minutes when they were at the stall i felt that my mind... wasn't there anymore. didn't talk much. for some reason, the adrenaline didn't flow and i stood there, muted, zombified.

trailed them like a silent shadow back to biz busstop and then walked to hmk terrace and took 183 home. alone. on the way home i saw tons of people coming back from work, the ladies carrying bouquets of nicely arranged flowers and the gentlemen holding the ladies in their arms.

then i wished i'd done something which i didn't dare to do. oh man. why are you such a coward.
*confused*

ps. btw this is my 200th post. didn't know i had so much to crap about.
if you're reading this, thanks for your effort. i gladly appreciate.