So i'm not staying in hostel after all, maybe

The day is 19th Jul, the closure of the waiting list. Morale is low. They say when you're on the waiting list, all you can do is... wait. For someone to back out.

No use blaming OSA now. The past few days have made me contemplate whether i truly wish to stay in hall. It is not a whole-hearted reply. I could cite reasons that i want to stay in hall, yet i could cite as many reasons why i do not want to stay in hall.

It seems, that after the Pharmacy camp, that the reasons against staying in hall have made more sense. From the feedback that i've gathered from the seniors, it seems that year 1 is gonna be a tough year ahead. Not the 'honeymoon' year. If you want a Honours - and a good honours in that matter - the fight starts NOW. Not next year, next sem, or next month.

But will it be a repeat of JC? I slogged my guts out - joined only one ECA, returned home from sch immediately - to get my current results. Yet, some people have acheived better. This time round i am hoping to decorate my future portfolio with more down-to-earth achievements, acheivements that display to potential employers that i'm not just a mere bookworm.

When i joined the Hall camp, i thought i had found a niche, a place to thrive in. The four days of being with these people made me think that i could actually be what i what to be in university. It prevents what i call the "zombification process" - just hi and bye to acquaintances you know when you walk around in campus, thereby shutting myself into my own social world. What good are such hi-bye relationships? And the friends that i've made during the four day camp - it will be hard for us to further interact, as our paths probably do not intersect much either. They are all good people, and they have unlocked something in myself - which i do not fully understand, but am eternally grateful to them for this. During the helpout with rag, i made more people - people that you could really talk to, not statistics that fill up lecture theatres.

Now the only thing left to do is wait, for a reply that will possibly never come.

Yet, whatever the reply might be, i will still be confused. Accepting the offer - as well as declining the offer - both, with a positive viewpoint, is a win-win situation; with a negative viewpoint, is a lose-lose situation.

I am in a quandary.