Update on the situation...

LSM - 22 apr - DONE!!! hard paper. didn't study. nuff said.

marketing - 24 apr - DONE!!! easy paper. i went into exam hall half asleep, i hope the examiner recognises my handwriting.

SS - 27 apr - DONE!!! ok paper. full of crap. dragged out what was left of Sec 3 history in my brain + what i studied on 27 apr morning, and shot with gusto. wrote until right hand experienced muscle cramp. enough.

Physio - 28 apr - DONE... mcq was quite easy, i believe essay was quite easy too. just that i didn't prepare as well as i expected for neuro and reproduction. can hope to pass.

science of music - DONE WITH!! last test on 13 apr.

yay 5 modules out of 6 down...

last one - pharmacy practice I!!!!!! - 3 may!!!

still studying, dun feel like studying for this 4 days man. i feel so tired. i wanna sleep. zzz

yesterday celebrated xuanwei's birthday at pwktv with bx, xw, jw, grace, tp, yj and jevin. was great.

Joan Chen

Woke up and saw the newspapers on Sunday and i devote my hour to writing about the fight of this girl, who's probably just like anyone of us in university, Joan Chen. Her story is featured in the Lifestyle section of the papers on Sunday, April 23, pages 6-7.

The story: Joan was in her second year of RJC last year when she discovered an ulcer on her tongue, but due to incoming examinations, she shrugged it off. It proved to be a serious mistake as the cancer was found to be Stage IV (malignant), one stage away from terminal cancer. Once this happens, the cancer metastasizes, i.e. spreads to the whole body and "there is no chance of a cure" as what her doctor said.

That was last christmas. Now, the fight is still going on, but around March 15 Joan called the ST (who then ran this story) saying that "she was no longer responding to chemotherapy" and that her only hope was medication, which was expensive and didn't help much. Immediately people from RGS/RJC and others help raised a total of $130k for her treatment.

There came a close call last week during Easter when she was rushed to hospital following breathing problems and that the doctor said "she was going to go either on Saturday or Sunday", and that her friends were told to get a funeral dress for her. However she survived Easter.

The moment i finished reading the two pages of this article, tears welled up in my eyes (not too much) and i asked, Why? She's a 20-year old with a good future - excellent CCA records and studies, as well as a place in NUS architecture. Why should her life end at this moment of her glory? So unfair. Life was never fair.

I admire her spirit, as what she wrote in her blog:

I have always been a fighter. Whenever i have a problem, i do not whine about it nor do i cry. Instead, i think of the best way to tackle the problem and put the solution into action.

I am a firm believer of the notion that as long as i try hard enough, nothing is impossible.

...If cancer wants a fight, i will take it on any time, any day...

http://www.funkygrad.com/think/displayarticle.php?artID=505&subcat=shout

And i compare it with my situation when i discovered the tumor in my brain. Same thing - cancer. But as compared to her, where did my courage went? I kept whining about the pain and not believing in reality, thinking that the whole thing was a simulated joke or something, and never knowing the graveness of the situation, that there was a chance that i may go myself once i step into the operating theatre.

Somehow, that all seemed so minor... I thank god that i'm alive and still kicking, having the time of my life, with all my wonderful friends and university life, and pursuing my dreams of being a pharmacist now.

I checked her blog, http://www.onlyskindeep.blogspot.com/. It is like this blog, like any other teenager's blog. Her fighting spirit is still going strong, all her friends are still rooting for her to go on. Among her wishlist: to get well.

I want to take this opporturnity to wish all of my friends to take good care of themselves, really take good care of yourselves. Sometimes health is a godsend that we take for granted, like what i discovered when i got sick a week before the exams. Appreciate and cherish your good health.
And take a moment, stop and glance around at the world, to help those with poorer health, do not abandon them in their times of need and suffering, to let them know that someone cares for them.

I also hope that for Joan, no matter what circumstances are to be presented in the following weeks/months, that somehow her fighting spirit perseveres, and she will "officially turn from cancer patient to cancer survivor". May God bless you.

LSM1401 Exam

Didn't prepare much for this one, was quite shocked when i reached school, all the fellas had already ransacked the ivle forum for questions, checked this and answered that, and did a whole lot of other stuff that i simply just went "huh? did that happen? what's going on?"

about 70-80 of us were then crammed into the lobby that we were told to wait outside LS Lab 1 and 2.. making a hell lot of noise. impossible to get any last-minute revision inside

it wasn't necessary. the paper was a 20-pages, 60 mcqs paper... first question... stumped. ah this is an open book test right? ok.. flipped through the notes.. found some reference that somehow referred to the question.. made some judgements.. narrowed it down to two options.. "ok.. is it this one or that one??" darken oval. move on.

second question... stumped. what the freak is it talking about? grr..

most of the questions that were to come later had elongated question formats that forced you to digest information, OR rows and rows of DNA/RNA bases. Somehow into the first 15 minutes the seh sensation came back... i think question 8. Ok, took breathers between questions, relax, calm down. I'm going too fast. Or the questions are too taxing.

Somehow along the way i survived the initial massacre and proceeded to fight back, i think there was a stretch of questions along qns 20-25 that were quite straightforward and my answers were quite definite. but by that time i had skipped 3, 4 questions in a row - that kinda thing - cos some questions were linked. BIG patches of unanswered segments lay in the Optical Answer Sheet.

ok... reached page 18, qn 53. some voice: "you have 15 minutes left..." oh SHIT!! panic status activated: amazingly, the next 8 questions or so were relatively easier than the beginning.. so quickly scanned what the hell they were trying to talk about... but then let instinct rule the day... i.e. anyhow circle... anyhow circled the parts i missed out earlier, with any random answer.. argh. seriously began to think that i will screw this exam...

Finished the remaining 8 qns in record time.. adrenaline gives your brain a boost like nitro in Need For Speed... everything went blurry and the only thing i knew was me frantically trying to cross out options.. and trying to rectify if there were any mistakes that shouldn't be made...

"...time's up!" was it agony, to have the time to rectify one more question taken away, or was it relief, to have put the whole thing behind me?

Sick (2)

grr... it's thursday, and i'm not feeling any better. sigh.

whole body feels like a sauna.

felt a 'sensation' when mugging for lsm (actually just reading thru) yesterday at about 5pm. the world started to spin... promptly went to sleep.

slept until 8pm. woke up with a headache and that nagging 'sensation', something bad was going to happen. the world felt so fake around me, when i touched my fingers with my other hand, it was as if those weren't my fingers. went back to lie again, eventually drifted off to sleep.

woke up again at 10:45 pm. eyes felt so painful and can't open. very sensitive to light. but felt a bit better, took a few mouthfuls of dinner, rested a while, but the pain was still there. wanted to go hospital but adopted a see-how attitude first. went back to sleep at 12am, tossed and turned but couldn't sleep.

gosh i don't know what happened to me man. tuesday i was still feeling fine. seems like the virus has unleashed its second salvo, more forceful than the first one. left me so tired, can't concentrate. i tried to read some protein notes - just reading - it was quite an effort. By simply glancing through one set of notes gave me such a headache. I still have carbo, lipid and 3 sets of cellular metab notes...

hmm.. at this rate i'm gonna screw my LSM, but most worrying is the marketing exam on Monday. no open-book, 3 essays.

sighz.

Sick

Woo.. in my systemic there is now:
400mg of carbamazepine
10ml of Dhasedyl syrup (woo.. makes you seh)
250 mg of Amoxycillin
500 mg of Acetaminophen
10 mg of Phenylephrine HCl
caffeine equivalent to a tablespoonful of coffee mix
milo
lotsa other stuff.

woke up today to found out that i couldn't breathe through my nose... yes the whole thing was jammed, like a clogged drain. went to the bathroom and sneezed the hell out, it must have felt like a hurricane inside my internal nares. well at least got most of the @#$% white, sticky, slimy, viscous mucilage out, and i can breathe through my nose again. ha. but i think i sneezed too forcefully, that something's stuck in my ear now and i can't hear a thing in my right ear. damn.

life in mono.

thank god i didn't sneeze out bloody phelgm, man.

going to recce pasir ris in this state about 2 hours from now. not much revision done today. i'm trying to finish promotions strategy, price strategy and product strategy today, AND sleep bfore 10pm, seems like that won't be done.

a very good friend of mine has widely announced that she had spent SEVEN days to finish ONE chapter of ONE module. I said to her: well done. keep it up, for, i think you've got much more terrain to cover in the next FIVE days. hope she can catch up, with another good friend of mine, whom they are always seen together.

another good friend of mine (in fact, many of them) spend their days studying in a small alcove outside her house, in relative comfort and peace. i hope she does well.

more good friends of mine are preparing to mug their hearts away in the Cold Library of Hon Sui Sen. LSM for them. wun be joining you guys anytime soon.

and yet some good friends of mine, very good friends, are relaxing their asses off. grrr. well what to do. i guess they've earned their keep while we were "relacing" away in March. *salute* so near, and yet the schedules don't match, what the hell.

so stressed am i. since april i've been neglecting everything else, trying to cram what's left of Marketing, SS and Physio into my tiny little hippocampus. Before this, two modules was the limit in my read-only memory. shit.

so scared i will.. suffer another relapse like Anatomy. i think that time i had a febrile seizure. very scared of these kinda infections; minor flu -> major flu -> sore throat -> phelmgic -> cough -> fever. what comes next?

bringing LSM to study on the long train journey to Tampines. yes, i'm gonna recce the Changi chalets. *yawns*

Physio Hangman

Hey guys, a site i accidentally googled while searching for "motor pathways". Contains some (not-so-interesting) games. May help if u are studying your heads off for physio, like me.

href="http://www.studystack.com/hangman-3692">http://www.studystack.com/hangman-3692

apparently they got more than female hormones, too.

Sigh.. screwed for LSM, hope the textbook will pull me through
Screwed for marketing, i haven't touched any thing about it yet...
Screwed for SS.. hope i can get a C+ for it.. then can s/u
Screwed for physio cos the paper is 1 day after SS
Screwed for pharm prac, haven't touch any thing about it yet either.

How screwed am i?? Take the test.

Of overlords and zerglings

this is an interesting site for those of you fantasy people and those aspiring to be pretty bad characters. courtesy of xin ran.

http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html

its good friday today and i'm mugging with yuantai in the central lib... sienz.. physio sucks

A brake

Inside the transport, i stop thinking about the impending fortress that is Omaha up ahead, open the locket and ponder a split second.

Yes!!! It's the middle of Exams period now and everyone else is mugging their heads off and so am I about a few hours ago. Lolz

Got this from Tuck Som Bong:

Rules:
1. Bold the following words that are true about you.
2. Italicise the things you wish were true.
3. Add one thing true about you.

And then tag one, two, three,four, FIVE more people.

I miss somebody right now.
I don’t watch TV these days.
I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lens.
I love to play video games.
I’ve tried marijuana.
I’ve been in a threesome. (nah... too tiring)
I’ve been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy. (there's this thing i picked up called wayang)
I curse sometimes. (too many times to count. army)
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. (sorta. with too many girls around me.. hard to remain unchanged, man)
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I’m totally smart.
I’ve broken someone’s bones.
I’m paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost and scar-free. (yep, tummy-trim)
I need money right now.(who doesn't?)
I love sushi. (absolutely enjoyed the times i ate it)
I talk really, really fast/unclear.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent. (yes. it is still hidden)
I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have alot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex. (almost did that to CH when he came around as the photographer during chingay.. wanted to lift lipstick stains on him. lol. think i was too gay, ahem, too happy)
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I enjoy window-shopping.
I would rather shop than eat. (the other way round)
I don’t hate anyone; I dislike them. (hate has malice and makes u feel #$%^&)
I’m a pretty good dancer.
I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months. (New Year's Day, one drink too much. lol)
I’ve rejected someone before.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I’ve called the cops on a friend before.
I’m not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have made a move on a friend’s significant past or crush in the past. (?)
I own the “South Park” movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all. (i like his songs. not his scandals)
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy (fright nite #2)
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I have dated a close friend’s ex. (no exes for me to date.)
I am happy at this moment!
I’m obsessed with girls. (maybe... but only one at a time)
Democrat.
I am punk rockish.
I am preppy.I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job. (student)
I am comfortable with who I am now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I’m proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at MacDonald’s restaurant.
I hate office jobs. (no choice really)
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went to college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the wrong people.
I adore bright colours.
I can’t live without black eyeliner.
I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing. (wanted to destress but instead made me stress. wth)
I usually like covers more than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes. (how big?)
I can’t whistle.
I can move my tongues in waves, much like a snakes slithers.
I have ridden/owned a horse. (once.)
I still have every journal I’ve ever written in.
I can’t stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep. (?)
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distraction. (doesn't work every time)
Climbing trees is a brilliant past time. (find one tree for me to climb here.)
I have jazz in my blood. (then i can understand and compose smooth jazz! but no...)
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can’t stand at LEAST one person I work with. (and she just signed into MSN.. lol)
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I’m an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie. (absolutely NOT)
I have ridden an elephant. (think so...once)
I love chocolates! (nope.)
I go to school NOT for the sake of lessons. (for lessons.. for friends... for... etc)
I feel crazy. (sometimes)
I love tomatoes.
I like peanut butter on bananas.
Been told “You’re on fire!”.
I’m a netballer.
I believe in Serendipity.
I think the word ‘RASPBERRY’ is sexaaay! (i think u're siao!)
I love to look at people’s teeth.
I don’t wanna grow up.
I can cross my eyes n stick out my tongue n still look cute.
Gaining weight is a wonderful thing. (ah no... cardiac heart disease.. diabetes...)
I am a PRO…procrastinator.
I love listening to gossip.
I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
I have had a crush on a cartoon character when I was a kid.
I have spent more on anime and manga than many spend on computers or other high end products.
I absolutely adore animals. (not absolutely)
I love surprises. (no, man.)
I love to be seen.
I often act without feeling for people.
I like arguing for the sake of arguing. (sometimes... this is called a "debate")
I think most girls look better with spectacles.
I like girls who hold themselves well.
I like girls who can help make some decisions.

I like girls with the "ganbatte" spirit. (why? maybe too many female manga sword-wielding heroines. :p)

---

(breathe), ok, the 5 lucky ones who have read till here will be: (drum roll)

1. Mayi and Xinyi (they are considered one person, lol... dun ask why, i set the rules here)
2. Edwin. visit his site at www.hldhl.blogspot.com
3. Aina. (Social Warning: Gambling is bad for the health. Results in the money-less syndrome)
4. Constance
5. Paulene
6. Anonymous (you know who you are. lol)

ok.. everyone else who didn't receive a prize, thank you for your wonderful participation and look forward to next year's lucky draw...

Another personality test...

Why are some people so boliao to write all the stuff? and even more boliao are the people who read this stuff. and the most boliao are the people who read the stuff that people write and put in on their blogs.

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is high.You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.And in return, you expect the same from who you love.Any sign of straying, and you'll end things. Experience Level: Your experience level is medium.You probably have had a couple significant loves.And you may have even had your heart broken.But you haven't really dated a wide variety of people. Dominance: Your dominance is low.This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.You know a relationship is not about getting your way.And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is medium.You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist. Independence: Your independence is low.This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships..It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life.In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together.

The Five Variable Love Test

Roach scare

Damn, i hate cockroaches...

why couldn't they have been made extinct by the dinosaurs??

why did they survive all those million years and come back to haunt people like myself??

Shitters.

Tears

There was one time i remember when i cried. I've cried countless times like a baby when i was a baby.. yeah and as a kid too.. but this was a big grown up guy like me crying away, the tears flowing uncontrollably, the eyes red and only mere slits, the nose stiffled with foam, the lump in my throat. Not too long ago.

After i had summoned enough courage and willpower to move myself again, I made for the bus stop outside my house, wearing a face that i probably would not let other people see on my better days. A 176, bendy bus, came along not too soon. It was cold inside the bus I was clad in a t-shirt and a pair of jeans, and the air-con went full blast. I had completely no count of how many people were there, looking at me sob away, thinking i had gone completely neurotic or something.

The tears just kept on flowing.

I had my schoolbag with me, inside was my trusty mp3 player. Dunno why i made for the song that you guys are hearing now: Tears, by X-Japan. Thing was the adrenaline was still inside my system, i could sometime feel my heart beating away, uncontrollably.

I dunno why, as i played the song, i thought more about the incident that happened, and more tears started to fall. Regret overwhelmed me, i asked myself, why couldn't i have corrected anything in the past.

It then came to the english part:
Loneliness, your silent whisper, fills a river of tears through the night
Memory, you only let me cry, and you, you never said goodbye

How true.

Sometimes our tears blinded the love We lost our dreams along the way
But i'd never thought you'd trade your soul to the fates, never thought, you'd leave me alone

I thought about it again, i should have done this and that, i shouldn't have done this and that.

Time through the rain has set me free Sands of time will keep your memory
Love everlasting fades away Alive within your beatless heart
Dry your tears with love

It was raining outside, plus the aircon it felt really bloody cold, but inside i feel so warm. The hot tears still continued to stream down by enacimated cheeks.

Why does this song seem so true?

I turned the track to playback mode and the song repeated itself again and again but mostly i was listening to the english lyrics. here i was, a nervous wreck, among others going home on a rainy friday, 18th November 2005.

Tomorrow was my birthday, and i was not going home anywhere tonight to attend to the preparations.

---

I dedicate this short account of my life to two close friends of mine, who are now grappling deep with some burden, like i did so many months before, to cheer up, find solace in their own ways and get better. Take care.