I can see clearly now, the rain is gone

Hmm.. today went to wash cars again. Found out that 7am wasn't the best time to wake up when you had previously slept at 1am. Damn seh when i reached the EH/TH carpark.

Slaved away from 0700 (actually 0800) to 1200, when my aching back could take it no more. Washed about 8 cars, together with Chien Hao and Shalia, and some of the Project Angel 7 (Science Club) people. Generally they were quite nice people... especially one gal who looks damn cute... and slim. haha. bad thing was, didn't talk to her very much - no - didn't talk to her at all. DAMN. cold as ice under the hot sun. Haha. no picture here.

Basically, WC1101E: How to wash cars

1. Splash with (clean, otherwise not so clean also can) water. Remove bird shit and other water-soluble dirt / marks via soft sponge. Cover whole car.

2. Take (extremely diluted) soapy water and scrub away stains which dissolve well in the water-based soap water. Cover the whole car.

3. Wash with clean water (yes, i mean it this time), make sure there are no soap suds left. Cover the whole car.

4. Use a dry cloth (get those water-absorbent cloths for drying cars and squeeze until your hands pain and no more water comes out). Rub away at the car. Be amazed by the reflection of the sunlight on the chassis. Make sure no drop of water is left behind, no cleaning stains are left behind, nothing that can be cleaned away is left behind.

5. Repeat previous steps if necessary, to the desired effect.

Came home, surfed the net a bit, and then finished the first draft of the marketing report that choon han has been pressing me to do since yesterday. ok. lagging. Decide to write the second and final draft of the history essay on S. Rajaratnam tonight (i.e. now) after dinner.

Hmm.. the long to-do-list seems very shortened now... I feel quite liberated.

Rainy Showers

went for pharm prac test today at 10am. wasn't very good. i'm praying for a miracle again. haiz. my luck's running out~

after that discussed foc 06. not bad, the engine is starting up. i hope i dun get too affected by it... at least not before the exams.

and after that i initially wanted to play captain's ball with yuantai and co. but at the 95 busstop i saw jw and grace at SoC carpark helping out with the carwash.. oops, my conscience pricked me and heh. pang sehed yuantai. remembered monday we had a shortage of helpers to go with the bhbh2 carwash.

well.. i can stay at least for one hour...? or two? clock two more hours for bhbh2. yeah~... no la. guess i am a slave to my own conscience.

went with them to get water, and transported the water to this SUV. ok la. we didn't get the best soap, the best cleaning materials (pathetic sponges), and this first car had remnants of a bird's dinner on it. After it has passed through its gut, mind you. The owner would have been pleased.

about 12:50: when we were almost finished, BRROOM!! the skies greyed on command of the Rain God and he unleashed his life-saving waters over us. Not a drizzle. A shower!!

wth... we just finish cleaning the car and it had to rain. growl. we gave up and ran for cover. stupid jw still said we were "zai4 yu3 zong1 man4 bu4" (strolling in the rain), i told her to shut up.

sienz. waited until 13:30 when the rain stopped. went to fill water again. "clandestinely". i went to the male toilet and saw the auntie there, who had already a pail filled up with water. however, one thing about ALL the freaking taps that allowed huge water flow was that they needed the tap or the "turning device" to operate. yup. go and take a look at any tap.

so i had to get water from the tap in the sink. took about 15 mins to fill a bucket, 3/4 full. by filling a small container with water and pouring it systematically into my bucket. i asked the auntie if she got the tap (i.e. can u do me a favour, u see that i'm not exactly having a good time here) to lend me..

... her blatant answer was a straight "no!" growls. later i could see her spraying the whole toilet with water (from a tap in a cubicle). darn, lowered my water flow as well. damn use water like free like that, i had to practically beg for water from the tap. @#$%^&*&^%$#@

haiz. going to do tomorrow again, i'm to wake up at 7am and end at 10am. crazy. hope can negotiate a bit. just fyi: the weather forecast for the next three days:

tuesday: afternoon showers with thunder over many areas.
wednesday: afternoon showers with thunder over many areas.
thursday: afternoon showers with thunder over many areas.

dots.

Different paths

Went to do medical checkup for my philippines trip today. A little dismayed as i came out of the doc's room: he would not clear me, reason being: i have (still) uncontrolled epilepsy.

Yep, despite being on drugs, the last attack was a few months ago... well all this while, while preparing for the trip I have been quite lucky to be fit-free, but the dangers of having an attack there in a foreign land where medical aid is uncertain are still present. All along i thought i could make it, that the doctor would, based on my personal consent, pass me.

He didn't and he gave ample reasoning: having an attack demands immediate medical attention from the people around. Should the attack last for >5 minutes or repeated attacks should happen, the brain tissues suffer hypoxia and might die. This condition is known as status epilepticus. Immediate medical attention is needed, if i'm not wrong, diazepam is given (rectal) to stop the seizures.

I never had status epilepticus before. I think. All my attacks were about <5 minutes, occuring once every time. That was according to my parents. But what about those when nobody was around? Not sure. Hence there was a possibility that i might have experienced it, and a further real possibility that i might experience it again. However slight the possibility, it is still present.

What he said really stopped me in my tracks. Previously i had not considered that this might happen, true the medication i took religiously everyday, and the dizziness and headaches were becoming routine. For about 7-8 months, since i entered university, I felt normal, if normal was the way to describe any other NUS student going about his business.

I do not go around considering myself a person with epilepsy, therefore i must have certain benefits, etc. It doesn't feel good when you think of yourself as a handicap, and a major one at that, having to have a caretaker "just in case". It doesn't feel good when others think of you as an invalid, a person that you must watch out for.

A burden, if that's the word. A liability.

I want to play, i want to study, i want to do everything a university student does cos that's my right as a university student. I just have a steeper mountain to climb than most of you. I've already lost part of this brain, i do not want to lose anything else such as my social life.

But... to think of it objectively... safety seems to override everything in this case. I had long expected it to come to this, and i do not regret for once the path that i have taken.

I guess i've gotten quite used to this kind of treatment, an alternative route that i must take away from the rest. Since sec 3 i've been physically exempted up to JC level, though i still occasionally take part in sports games. In the army everyone could dream of getting my medical status. Every nook and cranny of my life revolves around safety, of preventing that fit from ever coming back, for example: my future wife must be medically trained, (one of the reasons i stepped into pharmacy fac), no flashing lights, no uncontrollable loud sounds, less computer games, no alcohol and clubbing, no performances on stage, no strenous activities, no extreme sports, less water sports... the list goes on and on. Sometimes i am so sick of all the constrains around me, but other times i just shrug, accept it, and move on.

Try as i may, there are some things that i cannot deviate from the truth.

War Plan

The day today is 24 March, 2006.

Forecast for the net 5 weeks:

25th: Packing of goods at ernest's house.
26th: finish history essay / mkt part of my project
27th - 31th: Car Wash. mop up all bhbh2 activities.
2nd April: send stuff to DHL. wash hands off bhbh2.
8th April (Saturday): mkt presentation.
13th April: final test for sci of music.

Number of days i have to exam: 17

The Difference between Women and Men

Hmm... it has come to light recently that:

Women are suckers for:

Shopping
Good food
Facials
Manicures
Fashion magazines
The latest apparels
Exfoliation
Eyebrow tweaking
Botox
Other forms of plastic surgery
Men with money
Men with lots and lots of money
Men with large houses
Men with credit cards
Men with good cars
Men with dark complexion, are tall and appear handsome to them
Men that sweet-talk them
Men that give them the sense of danger
Men that give them the (false) sense of security
...

And on the other side of the table:

Men are just suckers.

Cos they can fall so deeply in love with a woman who has all the above characteristics, get laughed at by the worls, and still think they've hit the jackpot.

(any FCPs or MCPs please, don't come and find me.)

In solitude and in darkness

much of yesterday was spent travelling in a rented lorry around the island carrying donated stuff to the bhbh2 cause. morale was low cos we couldn't sell the fridge and the tv that we had hoped for. in the end we had to leave everything at one of the members' house, and come back and pack later.

went for xinyi's harmonica concert after that. it was good, especially the soloists. never knew the harmonica could be a multi-pitched instrument. but more likely i was scrutinising the percussion members. don't know that the harmonica would be such a complex instrument.

anyway left alone after that; declined to accompany edwin, mayi, xinyi, xiuting, wanqi, wing hang they all for supper. tired + dunno some of them well + i stink after the whole day = blind silent conversations.

walked all alone from UCC to the nearby 197 busstop in solitude and darkness. i dunno why these few days i've been so tired, not physically tired, but that "tiredness" which drains you of your willpower and forbids you from going on. maybe its the workload - just survived a punishing week.

i think i really need a break... not just time, but time with someone who can make me laugh, someone who can make me feel so good, someone that can make me forget the events of the past week and the incoming events of the next few weeks...

and when i look around me, i find that in the darkness and solitude there is no one else... except the vehicles that zoom past within the split-second of the eye along the AYE flashing their bright spotlights in the dark.

and when i reach the bus stop, i sit down and take turns to stare at the two couples smooching away and really wished i hadn't come to this bus stop. boarded the first bus that arrived and sped away.

reached home, msned. no one's really online, those who are online i don't really talk much with them anyway. so idled for about one to two hours watching some movie on channel 8 until about 11pm.

saw an old friend of mine online and eventually the conversation came to that of relationships. after explaning my situation in detail, the reply was: look for greener grass. hmm is it really so bad? seems so hopeless. was already thinking of giving up hope for the past few days since "there's no initial feeling at all"... maybe. think while everything is still under wraps, might as not well blow it up and we can still remain friends of a certain nature.

pretended that nothing ever happened. hopefully, it will go away somehow.

the thing is that i probably shouldn't be so actively looking for a gf. i have pondered the need... why do i need one when remaining single should seem fine? other than 'peer pressure'... which i often see in the form of Orchard road... that you see people younger than you getting their partners... that you see your friends all getting hitched and spending time with their other halves, its that you check your age clock and find out that you're already 21 and you should be actively looking for a girlfriend. and sometimes you might feel soooo lonely that calling upon guy friends to chat upon would be inappropriate, for example talking about very personal problems and matters. companionship.

with these factors, its not easy to "take things as it comes".

i quoted the "bus stop" analogy:

everyone waits at the bus stop
when you see other people getting on top of the bus you get a bit irritated.
"why doesn't my bus come?"
when there's very few people left you start to panic and think
"has my bus already left?"
then u wonder whether u should catch the next bus, any bus before you are left alone on the bus stop, or before no more comes.

my friend told me to walk. i don't wanna walk for the rest of my life, in solitude and in darkness.

***

then this friend of mine (who is attached) told me the results of getting on the bus:
"it means sacrifices, living with each other's differences, changing yourself, etc etc."

sounds like the induced-fit enzyme hypothesis theory.

("for many years scientists have thought about enzyme kinetics as a simple lock-and-fit hypothesis theory. then they discovered that the enzyme and substrate actually tried to fit together by changing their configurations at the active site to suit each other." - LSM.)

i guess i haven't really understood induced-fit hypothesis theory all along the past twenty years.

maybe i should really start looking for an active site for this substrate to fit in? or sit idle and wait for an enzyme to come along?

Careless Whispers

Suddenly in the twinkling of an eye.. i got the meaning to this song...

Don't be too kan cheong.

I feel so unsure
As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor
As the music dies
Somewhere in your eyes
Calls to mind a silver screen
And all its sad goodbyes

Chorus
I’m never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it’s easy to pretend
I know you’re not a fool, oh
Should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I’d been given
So I’m never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you
Oh

Time can never mend
The careless whispers of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
There’s no comfort in the truth
Pain is the all you’ll find

Repeat chorus

Never without your love

Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd
Maybe it’s better this way
We’d hurt each other with the things we want to say
We could have been so good together
We could have made this last forever
But now, who’s gonna dance with me
Please stay

Repeat Chorus

Now that you’re gone (x3)
Was what I did so wrong
So wrong that you had to leave me alone

http://www.whamshake.com/careless.html

maybe...

Lion's Befrienders (2)

The second round of Lion's Befrienders came exactly a month after the first one. Went to buona vista MRT station at about 0900, then had a leisurely walk with the group (see picture below) to that same place. The old folks were already there.

We took 30 min to setup the equipment and draw bingo cards for them and the next 30 mins to sing two songs, yue liang dai biao wo de xin and tian mi mi for them. pity my mp3 player was not compatitible with the radio. well. never mind. found out that actually i sounded quite good without a mike. lol

after that was 2 rounds of bingo! yes. the five-in-a-line game. get three lines and get a prize. simple. the english-speaking elderly i attended to was very enthusiasic about all this, pity he didn't win anything. after that was lunch and we had the place to ourselves.

we were told to wait for meishan and ernest jr. bought us ice cream along! this is one of the pictures we took:







from left to right:
top row: nuan xin, wenyi, jing wen, grace, yu ting.
below: andy, gavin, glenson, myself, ernest jr. chien hao.




after this was the meeting. as usual, the f-ing session started without much ado. i could see that she was physically tired out.

Sigh.. evangelism... again

(for the christians and catholics amongst you guys, warning: you may be offended.)

Saturday.

Afternoon: Did Tutorial Assignments for Protein, Carbohydrate and Lipid for LSM while listening to mp3 player and smsing people to go to one of my friend's concert.

damn, no one replied. even her.. maybe i'm too kan cheong. like one of my frens said, "when chasing a gal u mustn't be in a hurry." ok we exchanged a few smses, but then.. i felt like this whole thing was simply going on the wrong track. a very wrong track. i really feel like i'm "barking up the wrong tree", that the previous years of my heartstricken love life have began to unfold like a drama. again. that sense of deja vu.

but i dunno. something tells me that if u want something u gotta fight for it. but i'm a fatalistic person... was thinking, why not? just get an act together since there's a concert coming up.

so about 5pm i took a bath. tiong phew, jevin and weida came to borrow my laptop. said something like "weida asked tp to bring his laptop but tp only brought his thumb drive and they have only one computer" so i lent it to them.

sat on 105 at 5:40 pm. alone. guess since i promised my friend that i would have gone to support her (i.e. made it look like i was going to support her) realised i should have taken to commonwealth mrt b4 taking the 105. i mean, anyone who has practiced for something should be entitled to some support from friends.

took 105 to whitley road. called leonard, but walked in the wrong direction of SJI. wasted more time. was thinking of going out with wang, he's somewhere in bugis with his friends, but promised to come to SJI as well to watch..

along the way i saw so many kids of JC age thronging about. saw some SJI kids, one chiobu with the "Raffles" PT T-shirt with a group of male friends and hell lots of couples hanging out together, which suggested that this was really a bad time and place to be in.

i tot: hell this place is filthy rich, even their community centre looks like a freaking church, with people kickboxing and all the english flying about. tells something about what is to happen later.

found SJI and entered. just outside the gate i called wang again. still at bugis. gingerly i entered the compound, found some ushers slacking away and some people scattered around the area, (former) Josephians i guess. the school was great, beautiful. must have cost alot to build.

an usher showed me to the Hall of Performing Arts (whatever the heck that was). damn nice place, with the grandeur of the Esplanade. one grand piano stood on the second floor. before i entered this usher gave me a form and told me fill in my particulars, i just scrawled. exchanged it for a goodie bag at the counter. hell good the service was, no?

entered the auditorium. although i was with so many people of similar age group but somehow i felt strangely out of place. sat by myself somewhere along the aisle and waited for my friend to come out with her dance item.

the next item was just coming up, and the nature of it made me leave the hall in 5 minutes. there was this girl dressed as a nun, and she was teaching a class of people... fine, ok, typical convent school style, but then when the teachings switched to stuff filled with "god" everywhere i began to realise that i was in the wrong theatre. pretended to sms someone and left in a hurry, never looking back.

i walked back to the bus stop and felt... cheated? it's like wtf?
well. come to think of it much later, maybe she did tell me it was a church event (she smsed me later that it was a church event and apologised ever so profusely la, even though it wasn't her fault). i examined the goodie bag and found all the evangelistic stuff like cds, cartoons, memoranda, etc. even the plastic bag had evangelistic words.

well. actually i tot i was coming to some "rally" organised by this community centre, e.g. PAP rally?? why the PAP would hire dancers is another thing... well there's some thing called a church rally as well..

felt like leaving the goodie bag behind some scheluded place. felt quite disgusted and offended. thank god i was able to leave early. otherwise had they barred the doors and etc, and like everyone was chanting non-stop etc.. wonder how would i make it out of there la.

i dun mind evangelism... admit that is part of their religion. but really hate it when they come out with dubious ways to do it, e.g. there was this time i heard that people were forcing terminally-ill patients, who have no relatives grieving after them, to convert "before it's too late", as groups of evangelists surrounded these dying patients and forced the rites upon them. its like my uncle keep asking me to his church to "have fun" there like there a party or something but i keep refusing him.

well, singapore has its laws; they can ask, and we can refuse. so it keeps going on.

but what i really don't like is that u mix religion and daily affairs like friendship or business together. it really defeats the purpose.

please note that i'm not anti-christian or anti-catholic. i've been to 2 catholic weddings and both were elaborate ceremonies with numerous songs and chants, but my focus would be to attend the wedding, hence they did not bother me much. i have many christian and catholic friends and relatives.

its just that my first experience with evangelism didn't really work out, and it didn't work out since then. the first time i just got down at clementi central bus stop and i met this fella who kept on "have you heard the good news?" or "our church is having some events and we're inviting you..." and kept blocking my way, when i was in a hurry. ccb. somehow, i think he's trying to sell the religion.

so there, any potential evangelists among you: any attempt to bring the good news to me will be swiftly met with the finger.

My Energizer battery went flat

Today was one of the shackest days of my life:

0800 - 1000: physio lecture: cortex, brainstem, spinal cord.

1000 - 1200: pharm prac lecture: presentation by classmates, cum studying for...

1200 - 1315: science of music, first test. quite simple. think the rest of the cohort must have thought so too. got darn lot of careless mistakes.

1315 - 1400: rush to arts and eat lunch with joy.

1400 - 1600: ss tutorial. quite enlightenling, mostly about current affairs then on history itself. i got a B for my first essay (whew).

1600 - 1800: ss lecture. wanted to leave halfway but endured throughout the end.

then, from LT8, i walked via Central Library, across engineering bridge and to YIH and finally to SRC, where from there i cut across the track to the 197 busstop. was drizzling. Bad choice, there was a stampede of people there.

came back, no dinner, fixed instant noodles. did some admin work, admist asking all the people about the lsm lab report. went to sleep at about 12am.

Midnight Raiders

After LSM lecture i went to eat dinner with the boys (1800 hours).. then rushed off to Sheares to get the marketing book from cons. took 51 to queensway to zap (1900 hours). met 3 ex-army frens at there, great medics they are, clement, karthik, and (oops! i forgot!). had a nice chat. they were as excited at seeing all my cards such as matric card, as i was a year ago. lol.

At about 1930 hours brenda from bhbh2 smsed me and said, hey do u wanna help me collect stuff from this semi-d. Apparently the last owners of the semi-d had moved overseas and they had some extra stuff to give to our cause. We got stephen and his van and we rendezvous'ed at Harbourfront MRT.

the bungalow in question was at Thomson road, quite a long way, by the time we reached there it was about 2100 plus. it was a semi-d, but it was still imposing with grandeur. even in the moon light. after gaining access brenda told us that the stuff strewn outside the house was available for collection - amongst them, a fridge, books, soft toys, nice cd rack, vintage coke glass bottles, etc etc.

we had a good look outside the house. it was the perfect place for fright night, man, with this apprehensive air around it - everything under the moonlight seemed to stare at us intruders. i asked brenda whether we could rent one of these houses, sadly, no. ha. there was this defunct fountain in the front of the house, and if u walked to the back there was this enormous cooking / laundry / area with a cooking oven cum stove.

we had a look inside the house (even though we were not supposed to). since the electricity had been cut, our only source of illumination was the light from our handphones... we found a trolley which assisted us greatly in the shifting of the fridge. the living room had been stripped quite bare, with stuff like a radio lying about, a bar table (!) and a electone (although quite old model, but i guess still worth up to 1k?) we didn't go and explore the ground floor rooms, or the rooms upstairs. it was definitely too creepy.

ok, enough peeking, we decided to filter the stuff that we can take and load up. the fridge went in first, but there wasn't enough room! oh gosh. after racking our brains for darn long we managed to get like 95% of the volume of the fridge inside. stephen decided that he could tie the back doors of his van together and i could like sit inside and jaga the back door, hope nothing falls out. then everything else went in. poor van.

the space i had was probably just enough to fit my whole body in. not enough leg room, felt like i was part of the cargo. haha. stephen and brenda sat in front. stephen gave me an additional string tied to the back of the door popping out, which i could "pull" towards me as an extra coverage.

off the way we went back, to kent ridge hall. i'd rather he took the upper thomson-mandai road instead of going through cte and aye like the way we came. well. anyway his collection of mp3s was pretty entertaining, with selections like Shin's tian gao di hou which i sang with much enthusiasm via the half-open door to the motorists behind us.

reached KR at about 2230. asked meishan to open the gate. asked louis and jw to come... and they dragged weiming along. heh. together we shifted the fridge to a-block, level 6. now they have two fridges. (for temporary storage only).

by the time we finished it was about midnight already. louis and jw took all the soft toys to store in their rooms (think the idea about each of them holding a garfield was pretty funny). the rest of the stuff was left in the van where stephen would be looking after it.

stephen then sent me and brenda home. reached home at about 0030 hours. other than the chingay days, i dun remember coming back from school that late. rushed homework (have to prepare for PR1103 lab! have to do lsm tutorial!! have to think of questions to buzz our pharmacist!) then fell asleep at about 0200. shack.

Start: Week 8

ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH!!! its week 8 liao. i have spent 8 weeks in nus trying to stay afloat without much success.

BUT: i got my break!! muhahhahhahha. went to sing karaoke yesterday with pharmacists: bx, mayi, xinyi, xw (sorry paulene didn't call u along..). was good, but one thing about singing is that u never get to sing enough... there is always some song u want to let loose before you go...

went to party world.. during the weekdays there it is much cheaper la. paid about $11 ea for 5 pax. darn cheap la as compared to kbox, $15+++ ea. plus one free drink each (because student). that is with jw's voucher. although partyworld is rather sleazy (to the gals) and the equipment there really needs a change. selection of songs aren't too bad though...

xw and bx as usual belted their own numbers. man u shd really hear xw sing. her voice is oh so powerful.

mayi introduced a few Canto songs to us! wow that is like one person who can "sight-read" the chinese words and convert them into cantonese speech like the way a musician converts notes into music. ma chiam grade 8 standard man!! zhen zong cantonese man!! esp the song from Twins and Beyond la. so authentic, as if hear from the mp3 lor. Next time must drag her along so can hear more canto songs. esp the old ones haha...

halfway along xw and xinyi left for their "own commitments" so when we wrapped up it was me, bx, and mayi who went for dinner. the hawker centre of clementi central isn't a very nice place to have dinner... and along the way we met constance who was with her group of friends!! the conversation went like this:

Friend #1: (says something)

cons: growl.

Friend #2: (says something)

cons: GROWL........

Friend #3: (says nothing)

cons: gRRRoooWWWRRRRWWRWRWRWWRWRLllllllllllllllllllllll...............

***
LOL!

haha keep making fun of constance and her "incessant" growing. damn bad i am. of course nothing happened like that, in fact, when the 3 of us approached their table at the coffee shop (there were like 11-12 of them seated around a round table, if she didn't tell me it was a cell group and if this was in some sleazy part of Singapore, e.g. Geylang back alley, and they were all guys, with beer bottles within grasp, the whole thing might have been mistaken for the setting of a back-alley brawl.)

cons (hokkien): ok, today i myself and my brothers have come to settle this issue of territory. why did your gang come over to my territory and make trouble??

okok. watch too much hu huo zai (think discussing the nightlife with mayi had some effect too). out.

Former Sec 2 Outing

went to a gathering of sec 2 friends most of whom i've not been in contact for about 8-9 years. something tells me that i'll be bored.

grabbed the few close friends that i had then, that accompanied me into the life i'm living now, and made for city hall, 1700. venue (decided later): swensen's, suntec city.

the gals (rem these people are 21yo) arrived much later in their cliques. most of them are in nus or ntu; uni transforms these people, from the innocent, "natural" village girl look to the modern working women. after all, some are graduating this sem.

the guys (some in the last throes of national service, some yr1's like myself) were much another batch. the guys that were not of my clique, i found out that i could not really identify with them though i tried to. just sit there in a corner, talking to the people around me, which was mainly my clique throughout dinner.

end up, i didn't talk much with the class, just exchanged smiles and small talk. not as interesting as i expected.
it was hard to believe that most of the people i grew up with, most have taken off succesfully on their love lives and their careers and work life. they keep talking about how their boyfriends.. girlfriends.. and about stuff like their cars. about earning money. about jobs.

seemingly obvious and harmless questions they pose, but i have no wish to have any of this. i mean, although the world revolves around $$, but i do not wish to be part of it yet... sighz. wanna live the rest of this period in relatively $$-free worries. enough money is enough for me. as for cars, i can't drive. it seems like a major stumbling block along my trip to adulthood.. as my parents still have to ferry me around and public transport is not readily available sometimes.

as for a gf... when i saw that my ex-crushes all had nice boyfriends, it's time finally to move on, to catch a bus before the last bus goes and you're left stranded on the bus stop. yes sounds like another reason to prove that i'm damn desperate. as for exploits (operations) in nus.. chances of success are few and far between, the girls i like, dun like me. and i dun think i'm handsome enough to attract the female populace.

is it that they are not receptive enough, or is it that they have other (more preferred) males in mind? after all... or is it that i am not ready myself, instead forcing myself to go into a relationship because of peer presure. to explain: there's this gal in nus that i like but whether is that 100% coming from the heart, i don't really know. i'm not trying to know her better, i'm not trying to talk to her, instead i slink away with my clique of guy friends and we make merry instead with our army jokes.

why?

waiting for a gal like you: foreigner

so long
i've been looking too hard, i've been waiting too long
sometimes i don't know what i would find
i only know it's a matter of time
when you love someone

it feels so right, so warm and true
i need to know if u feel it too

maybe i'm wrong
would you tell me if i'm coming on 2 strong
this heart of mine has been heard b4
this time i wanna be sure

i've been waiting
for a girl like you
to come into my life

i've been waiting
for a girl like you
a love that will survive

i've been waiting
someone new
to make me feel alive

yeah waiting
for a girl like you
to come into my life

Pit Stop

i type this in the relative calm of sheares hall, room e301. choon han's room. he's sleeping now, intoxicated in slow rock from my mp3 player.

for many pharmers, today morning was a day of extreme brainstorming, the cumulation of many days of hard work. well seriously i didnt put in as much effort as i hoped i would. forgot most of the GIT and endocrine, instead concentrated on the physiological pathways on renal as most people did. lo and behold most of the questions that came out were on that. not too bad after all.

i think i'm quite dismayed at my performance so far during the second sem. during first sem i was a chao mugger, often locking myself away in my books. uni was something like jc, after school, dinner, books, then sleep. repeat until the exams came. then this sem.. got involved in so many projects even though i'm taking in on extra workload. got into chingay which dragged on to the first two months of the semester, only to find myself in bhbh2. whereas i quitted all sheares activities, made myself dormant in nus geyao and EML. knew alot of people along the way, but did not keep in touch. touch and go... and now i'm in Pharm Camp 06...

sigh. i'm barely floating in terms of assessment performance. this can't go on forever.

realised since my arrival in nus that i've probably met about estimated 200-400 people, from:
sheares exposure camp
sheares rag
pharm camp / pharmacy class / pharmacy seniors
lecturers and nus staff
sheares hall, block a
nus geyao (although can't recognise cos most are PRCs)
nus electronic music lab
sheares choir
GEK 1534 classmates
sheares smg
sheares short film
chingay
bhbh2 and rotaract club

hmm.. the list will go on.