Tears

There was one time i remember when i cried. I've cried countless times like a baby when i was a baby.. yeah and as a kid too.. but this was a big grown up guy like me crying away, the tears flowing uncontrollably, the eyes red and only mere slits, the nose stiffled with foam, the lump in my throat. Not too long ago.

After i had summoned enough courage and willpower to move myself again, I made for the bus stop outside my house, wearing a face that i probably would not let other people see on my better days. A 176, bendy bus, came along not too soon. It was cold inside the bus I was clad in a t-shirt and a pair of jeans, and the air-con went full blast. I had completely no count of how many people were there, looking at me sob away, thinking i had gone completely neurotic or something.

The tears just kept on flowing.

I had my schoolbag with me, inside was my trusty mp3 player. Dunno why i made for the song that you guys are hearing now: Tears, by X-Japan. Thing was the adrenaline was still inside my system, i could sometime feel my heart beating away, uncontrollably.

I dunno why, as i played the song, i thought more about the incident that happened, and more tears started to fall. Regret overwhelmed me, i asked myself, why couldn't i have corrected anything in the past.

It then came to the english part:
Loneliness, your silent whisper, fills a river of tears through the night
Memory, you only let me cry, and you, you never said goodbye

How true.

Sometimes our tears blinded the love We lost our dreams along the way
But i'd never thought you'd trade your soul to the fates, never thought, you'd leave me alone

I thought about it again, i should have done this and that, i shouldn't have done this and that.

Time through the rain has set me free Sands of time will keep your memory
Love everlasting fades away Alive within your beatless heart
Dry your tears with love

It was raining outside, plus the aircon it felt really bloody cold, but inside i feel so warm. The hot tears still continued to stream down by enacimated cheeks.

Why does this song seem so true?

I turned the track to playback mode and the song repeated itself again and again but mostly i was listening to the english lyrics. here i was, a nervous wreck, among others going home on a rainy friday, 18th November 2005.

Tomorrow was my birthday, and i was not going home anywhere tonight to attend to the preparations.

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I dedicate this short account of my life to two close friends of mine, who are now grappling deep with some burden, like i did so many months before, to cheer up, find solace in their own ways and get better. Take care.